To "feed back" on class toy?

[Nordicrain]

Our class, like many, has a class stuffed animal. At the end of each week someone gets rewarded for good behaviour and gets to take said stuffed toy home for the weekend. It's considered high status by the kids and big wooha about who got it. I understand that most of the other kids have had the toy, some tiwce.

We are coming to the end of the year. DS(6) has not had this bloody stuffed toy and it is causing him a huge amount of upset. DS tries hard in school, follows the rules, isn't disruptive, does all his work, etc. He is no super star student but tries hard, hates being in trouble and takes rules seriously and all reports, parent consultations etc have been positive and he regularly gets house points for good behaviour. We are always told he is a sweet little boy, keen to please, helpful and tries hard. Every week he is disappointed he doesn't get it, he thinks that he's not good enough, can't understand why he's not had it yet when he tries hard to follow all the rules, thinks it means he's "bad". So far we've told him not to worry, it doesn't mean he is bad, keep following the rules, etc and he will get it but now I am starting to think that maybe he won't.

Is it really too much to ask that they make sure everyone gets a turn with the toy? If DS doesn't get it WIBU to feed back the impact it's had on him to be overlooked and to ask them to consider that while it may incentivise good behaviour it also tells pupils who don't get it that they are good enough? Or if they won't at least not to make such a big deal about it? I know not everyone will care, but DS cares a lot about this and has taken it really to heart and as a reflection on himself (despite lots of encouragement from us not to think like that).

Yes say , it could be an oversight.

Of course everyone should get a turn-have a quiet word with the teacher. Somehow it must be that his name has been missed. I always keep a class list showing me who’d had it, though I remember one year we had a leak in the classroom and when the workmen were sorting it, a big pile of stuff on my desk went missing-crucial class list included!

Absolutely say something. It's very cruel to not give all the children a turn

I’d go in and tell them, without letting your ds know. It will be an unintentional mistake.

Yes just have a quiet word with the teacher. My dd’s name got missed out of the envelope they pullled them out from one year, just a tiny oversight & teacher was really upset once she realised. If it’s important to your dc, it’s worth talking to the teacher about.

I'd do the same as above, have a word privately with the teacher, it's probably an oversight. But it would be a shame if he didn't get a chance to do it as it means so much to him, so definitely say something asap!

Tell them nicely. In an “I’m asking you for help” way rather than “it’s your fault” way. Tell them cheerfully with an unstated assumption that they will pick him asap now you have pointed out the oversight. They are being unreasonable. But probably busy and haven’t noticed.

Our school sent the toy to everyone.

My assumption was that it’s a child protection ruse for hearing stories about home. It’s certainly an opportunity for some families to show off about their exciting lives.

Speak to the teacher. We’ve had these bears and the whole class has always had a chance. Some 2 chances. If he’s been missed you need to raise it

We have two class bears! We have a class list. Every time a child has a bear we tick them off that bear list. All children take both bears home after the course of a year. Very unfair and yes I'd be having word.

Similar happened to friends dc. Just go in and ask. Teachers arnt perfect. Sometimes they make mistakes or child been ticked as having it when they havnt

yes Just ask, something like “do you think Malcolm will get a chance at taking the bear home before school breaks up, it’s all he talks about!” Be careful what you wish for though , if you get it for the summer holidays you’re fucked !😆

I've worked in a primary school. They all get a turn, regardless of behaviour. Is your surname near the end of the register?
I'd mention it anyway though, in case it was an oversight.
Hope he gets to take it home soon!

Speak to the teacher now rather than waiting. It'll be an oversight where his name was missed off the list or accidentally ticked off or something. If you do it now he can still have a turn rather than it being too late for the teacher to do anything if you wait until the last day.

Ok good idea, I will email the teacher. DS absolutely didn't want me to say anything, he thinks it is embarrasing!

38 weeks in a school year, everyone gets a go.

Yes this is what I am thinking. He askes me regularly how many weeks are left because he is worrying that his chances are running out 😥

And no, we are not last on the register.

Yes definitely ask. And I’d be quite firm that it’s a big deal to DS and you can’t quite work out what’s going on.

but just a warning- this happened to one of my kids and the teacher replied it was the luck of the draw so some kids had had it three times and nothing she could do. I mean FFS. Good job it didn’t come home I’d have bloody burnt it by that point!

I mentioned it to the teacher when one of mine hadn't had the bloody toy yet. They had it done after. As PP said- just hope you don't have it over the summer 🤣
My kids went to an independent school to begin with. We had to compete with trips to Dubai and the like. Saying we had been to the park down the road wasn't on the same level- but my kids were happy so I didn't give a shit😁

Mention it to the teacher. With the best will in the world and however many lists, mistakes still happen. Like ticking your son off when another child had it twice, or by mistake, or thinking I'll pick x next week and forgetting, or misplacing/someone messing with the list and then redoing it from memory.

I remember this with my son…I went along with it until the week it was given to X because they said sorry after hitting someone…that was the point I mentioned it to teacher that my son hadn’t had it yet and X had taken it home 3 times

I'm sure it's an oversight and I would definitely mention it. Be prepared for the bear to spend the whole weekend drying out in the shower after an urgent wash when you realise how disgustingly filthy it is though. <not envy

Definitely an oversight I'm sure OP.

We ended up with the class bear for the first covid lockdown and he got sent back in "decontaminated" with an "alternative" diary that I created and shitload of wine and cake for the lovely staff at school.

Recieved an email from the headteacher two days later thanking me for the general hilarity I'd caused saying it had cheered them all up immensely. 😂

DS tries hard in school, follows the rules, isn't disruptive, does all his work, etc. He is no super star student but tries hard, hates being in trouble and takes rules seriously and all reports, parent consultations etc have been positive and he regularly gets house points for good behaviour. We are always told he is a sweet little boy, keen to please, helpful and tries hard. Every week he is disappointed he doesn't get it, he thinks that he's not good enough, can't understand why he's not had it yet when he tries hard to follow all the rules, thinks it means he's "bad".

Your kid may not be the only one.

I would put this in writing to the school head teacher, copied to class teacher. and point out that their well-intentioned incentive is having exactly the opposite effect. So they need to get a grip on it.

She's probably just missed his name off a list, or accidentally ticked him off or something.

When DC1 was in reception I waited until the last week before reminding the teacher he hadn't had it ... but that the other kid with the same name had had it twice at that point 🙄And so then DC1 had it for the last 3 days of term. Total shitshow. Either every one has a go or they do it on 'merit' - but the teacher keeps a record either way!!