To "feed back" on class toy?

[Nordicrain]

Our class, like many, has a class stuffed animal. At the end of each week someone gets rewarded for good behaviour and gets to take said stuffed toy home for the weekend. It's considered high status by the kids and big wooha about who got it. I understand that most of the other kids have had the toy, some tiwce.

We are coming to the end of the year. DS(6) has not had this bloody stuffed toy and it is causing him a huge amount of upset. DS tries hard in school, follows the rules, isn't disruptive, does all his work, etc. He is no super star student but tries hard, hates being in trouble and takes rules seriously and all reports, parent consultations etc have been positive and he regularly gets house points for good behaviour. We are always told he is a sweet little boy, keen to please, helpful and tries hard. Every week he is disappointed he doesn't get it, he thinks that he's not good enough, can't understand why he's not had it yet when he tries hard to follow all the rules, thinks it means he's "bad". So far we've told him not to worry, it doesn't mean he is bad, keep following the rules, etc and he will get it but now I am starting to think that maybe he won't.

Is it really too much to ask that they make sure everyone gets a turn with the toy? If DS doesn't get it WIBU to feed back the impact it's had on him to be overlooked and to ask them to consider that while it may incentivise good behaviour it also tells pupils who don't get it that they are good enough? Or if they won't at least not to make such a big deal about it? I know not everyone will care, but DS cares a lot about this and has taken it really to heart and as a reflection on himself (despite lots of encouragement from us not to think like that).

If there's a class Teddy (or whatever) then looking after it and explaining what it did in your care should be part of every child's experience.

Rewards for performance and conduct are a a different thing.

My son, still a dreamboat at 28, managed aged 6 to leave his year's Elephant in the British Museum. Fortunately it was near the Lewis Chessmen and (a) soon found and (b) he'd been to Uig etc near where the chessmen were found so Elmer had a proper story to tell.

I don’t think you should wait to see if he gets it before bringing it up with the teacher. As others have mentioned, it could be that the teacher thinks he’s already had it. I don’t think you need to go into too much detail about impact etc. at this stage and a quick message to say, ‘X is really keen to take the class toy home as he hasn’t done so yet. I’d appreciate if you could arrange this before the end of the school year as he always tries his best,’ would be all that’s needed. 😊

I'd forgotten about those bloody things. I once got one from nursery when DH was away with work and DD2 was a tiny baby. DD1 was 2 at the time so I had to write it. The bear came to our house, had tea then went to bed. I thought it was best to set the bar low for other parents.

Yes, do mention it. DD told me she wasn’t allowed to take the class bear as she went to after school club on Fridays when it was given out. I checked with a TA at the door one morning in a ‘Im sure DD has got confused, does this sound right’ kind of way and lo and behold we got the bear a week later.

Mention to the teacher. There are as many disorganised teachers as there are disorganised people in other walks of life, its likely its an error he's been missed and they'll want to correct it

Of course ask the teacher. 6 years old are still little.

It won't take long until he, and the others, realise that it's mainly the naughty kids who get a reward for being slightly less naughty for 30 seconds, and everybody else gets overlooked. 6 is a bit too young for that. They should have all it.

Go buy a Family Pet and get it it's own photo album.
Ds has a small Highland Cow called Mully and he had lots of adventure caught on camera that first year! Ask family members to join in op. Pass that pet round! And def tell the school...

This will 100% be an oversight. If some kids have had it twice, there is no reason to withold it from a child who is always well behaved.

I once had a parent question why their child hadn't had the special weekly award in assembly twice. I was merticulous in my record keeping; everyone had had it once and about half the class had had it twice, her son just hand't had it twice yet. You are not being anywhere near as daft as that parent.

I would absolutely say something. When I was teaching I had a class tick list of things like this to make sure every child got a turn over the year. Every child should get every reward at some point.

Just speak to the teacher and she'll put it right!

It is worth raising with the teacher, now before the end of term. If they do not keep records it is quite possible that some individual children will have had the toy several times. Some teachers/schools are not very good at noticing quiet, well behaved children who do not stand out for any reason, good or bad.

Mention it just in case because it's a big deal to your DS, but like a PP I'd say be careful what you wish for: we were towards the back end of the queue last school year for this. We ended up with it over Easter, so had to document two sodding weeks of 'adventures'... It came with us everywhere, with bits constantly falling off it that needed to be fixed back on (it had been loved a little too much by the previous caretakers). I would hate to be stuck with it for the 6 week hols!

I am not worried about having the teddy. I have an older DC who has always had her turn with the class toy - including over Christmas holidays where we travelled abraod and I spetn the entire time stressing about losing Tiger! - and DS has had it in reception.

But I am worried about DS feeling that it's a reflection on his behaviour and worth. They hand it out Fridays and the first thing he said to me this morning was "I wonder if I will get Micky today. I probably won't because I never get him". I am hoping that my email might spur them on to pleasantly surprise him.

Yes say something - it's probably an admin mistake as they're all meant to get it at some point

Oh poor love, fingers crossed he gets it this evening!

I would mention it now so that ds and any forgotten children can get their go before the end of the year.

I agree that it’s likely just an oversight and you should mention it, but I hate the way these weekly rewards are done at so many schools in the UK. During the covid lockdowns they were still doing Star of the Week at my children’s school based on the home learning that was sent in. My children were trying so hard, and really struggling with being home, and had no recognition. We moved to the States shortly after and, although I know it isn’t fashionable to say anything positive about living in the US, I really prefer the way their school handles recognition and rewards. Taking away the anticipation of the Star of the Week letdown has freed them up to work hard and enjoy school without feeling like they are doing it for the sake of a reward.

Yeah I actually agree. Some kids aren't bothered but some - like DS - really are and take is so personally when they aren't managing to get the reward. He often has a little cry on a Friday afternoon about it which really isn't what the end of the school week should be.

defintely mention it but don’t tell him so that he feels it’s a “proper” award!

Well it depends, if it's done on merit rather than on a Rota system. If it is on merit then some kids will likely get it multiple times and others will miss out. That in itself is a teaching lesson about life. Don't fall into the trap of preparing the road for you child rather than your child for the road. We all experience disappointment in life and knowing how to handle it is an important skill.

I do think Foldinthecheese is right though, it's not a great system of reward leading to weekly highs and lows. A points system would be better with an end of term reward for one person. That means that everyone who doesn't get it is in the same boat rather than a small pool of kids being left out.

Bollocks. Even if the OP's kid is the worse child in the world, everyone should get a weekend with the stinky class bear.

the teacher replied it was the luck of the draw so some kids had had it three times and nothing she could do.

Another of those teachers*, nothing they can do? Nothing at all? Apart from be in charge of the class, and act like a professional?

Yes every child should have it once (or twice if the yeargroup is small); then okay who gets it again could be linked to something but it needs to be something every child could achieve, such as perserverance, doing their best handwriting for them, extra kindness helping another student, that sort of thing, not aceing the spelling test.

*I love teachers as a group, I start from the point of anticipating to respect individual teachers, I have friends and family in teaching, and I do regular voluntary work in schools. Teachers as a group are overworked and underpaid. But, there is a subset of teachers that make excuses, aren't professional, do frequent psychological harm to some of the children in their care (if not physical - for example the recent thread about teacher(s) who forgot to give the daily medication), and it would be much better if they would leave for other jobs.

I have a six year old and if he was upset about this I would send an email to the teacher, politely asking if my child could please have the teddy before the end of the school year as he's been really hoping for a turn.

I'd like to think that most primary school teachers teaching that age group would want to make children happy. You don't have to tell your son that you've asked for it!

Did he bring it home today OP?

I'm also awaiting this update OP 🤞🏻🤞🏻🫣