To sometimes feel depressed about the long years ahead of me?

[Pickingownstrawberries]

I have a 2 year old who I love dearly … but I don’t honestly really massively enjoy spending time with. I know that’s horrible and it isn’t him personally it’s just the endlessness of it all.

The days last forever when it’s just us. And this is the thing, I’m a teacher. So when he starts school it’ll be work then weekends and holidays and never really a chance to switch off apart from the odd day here or there.

I know - it’s parenting and I signed up for it and I honestly try my best. I just didn’t know I’d find it so hard or tiring.

OP, hang in there. I think there are good and bad aspects to every age group

My own sweet spot was when kids were 7 to 11. Old enough to be interesting, but not cheeky

Honestly it will get better. And in future, I think you'll love the school holidays again, perhaps when children are a bit older and more independent

OP it’s shit and boring. But yes it will pass. I presume there are cute moments. Maybe take a video of those bits to look at when you feel irritated and fed up. And I am sure you are still his number one. Which can be a nice feeling.

Hang in there till five when it gets better. More independence.

I loved the teen years. Yes challenging but not so damn boring. They are more interesting and have new ideas and you don’t have to look after them all the time. The terrible teen trope is overdone in the UK. None of the teens I have known were awful, including my friends’ kids and my kids’ friends.

You are allowed to feel fed up and look at a future that seems relentless. I hated the newborn and toddler years. But I promise it gets better and don’t listen to everyone about the teen years. They don’t have to be awful.

And all the tedious comments about ‘it goes so fast’. Well firstly when you are in it, it doesn’t. And actually I liked my kids moving on to the next stage. Onwards and upwards. You don’t have to adore and cherish those early years; it’s not compulsory.

I agree with you OP. There was a brief period I enjoyed parenting - I think it was for about three months when they were 7, but it's relentless drudge most of the time.

What I would recommend is keeping him in childcare for at least some of the holidays so you can have time to yourself to recover from teaching. Give yourself some sort of break.

My mum has four foster teenagers and constantly has the police at her door because of behaviour. She has said she absolutely would not take a preschooler now because she wouldnt cope. She has my two under 4s 1.5 days per week and is absolutely frazzled at the end of the day. She said hands down teenagers are easier. I think everyone just enjoys different stages. My 3.5 is wayyy easier than my 1.5 year old, when he reached 2.5 I noticed things improving probably linked to him being able to communicate better.

OP don’t let twee sound bites get you down. It’s ok to hate it now. But the chances are it will get better. You don’t have to love every stage. I am fine with kids age five plus and am awesome around teens.

As a nurse, I and many of my nurse friends/colleagues absolutely loathed our partners and kids getting ill. Illness was WORK, and not what we wanted to see in our off-duty hours - I always took it as a personal affront, and seriously worry about how nice I’ll manage to be if/when my OH gets a terminal disease. Maybe I’ll be better now I’m retired. Just saying this because I suppose if you work with children all day, being at home must seem more like work?

My husband is a teacher and we still put our son into holiday camps on an ad hoc basis. Partly because he's an only child but also because 6 weeks of non-stop childcare is unlikely to be enjoyable. Absence makes the heart grow fonder

I realise that's a luxury with multiple children but a few days in organised childcare makes a positive impact for my family.

By the time they go to secondary they won't need you hardly at all for anything and mostly won't want to spend time with you. Being really hands on with kids is only until they start school and by secondary you normally just have non paying lodger.

So it gets easier.

I think one thing about being a (female) teacher is that you have to guard against becoming the only default option in the school holidays. You need a game plan and a willing partner who wants you to have some R&R time to yourself. So from as young as possible try to get their DF on board for taking them on weekends away or taking a week of holiday during the long summer holidays where he’s primary parent and not you. Plus judicious use of holiday clubs.

I hear you OP.

Being a mum has been the most wonderful thing I've done with my life and there are times when I can't quite believe that these two DC are mine or how much I love them.

It's also been the hardest thing I've ever done. I distinctly remember feeling like you very regularly. I remember thinking there's no way I can do this for another 16 years!

It wasn't helped by the fact that although I've always genuinely liked children, I didn't really enjoy the under 2 years at all and found them a bit of a slog. Yes there were special moments and I loved my DC but often I was just counting down the hours til bedtime.

Work was my escape and helped me retain my sanity but the downside was that it contributed to a bone-shattering tiredness that you don't really realise you have until you come out of it when they're about 4.

Things transformed for me once my DC started school. For my two it was only then that they started sleeping properly and didn't want to get up at 5am every morning. I underestimated how much influence chronic tiredness was having on my view of the world because it just felt normal by that point. Coming out of it was like seeing colours again! I think 5 is a fabulous age and I really enjoyed that. For me, I've loved and enjoyed my DC more with every passing year and look forward to the many more years of relationship I'll have with them as adults rather than DC.

It gets easier, honestly. You're normal and you're not a bad mum. 💐

I’ve Felt this way at times when mine was 2 as well. She’s now almost 4 and although I do still have days where I feel a bit overwhelmed by the relentlessness of it all (and I have only 1, a ‘ hands on’DH and work full time 🙈) when I look into the future.
But it’s much less than before, and I’m hoping by 4 it will become lesser still. I’ve found making an effort to not think to far ahead helps. It’s hard for me as a I like to plan. I’ve had some really good days out recently with her that I was dreading in some ways but found it has got much easier. By 4 I’m hoping she will get much more from days out and things that will make it more enjoyable for both of us and lessen that panicky drift into picturing years of the hard bits.