Brother’s wedding and children/stepchildren

[ChorltonCreamery]

I am the eldest of 4. Sister is married with kids same age as mine, brother married with a two year old but SiL has two from a previous relationship which was unhappy because of her ex’s controlling ways.

Her children are similar aged to mine and my sister’s. The boy’s behaviour is challenging to say the least especially if he is not the centre of attention. . My brother is just a big kid so plays with him all the time so I don’t think he realises what a problem this behaviour is.

The boy adores my father. One example is when brother visited, my father was out with the grandchildren. When he returned the boy had an absolute meltdown attacking my nephew.

My sister confessed that her husband ( he is not controlling or abusive in any way) said that his kids are no longer allowed to be in the same room as these children. Ironically this was because of an incident with the girl, who is very shy, hurting my niece.

So that’s the background.

Youngest brother is getting married in a couple of months. My niece is six and asked to be a flower girl ( not a brat but excited and her cousin and friend had been one) but future sister-in-law said the wedding was for ‘big people’. Upsetting as we would like a family wedding but not our wedding! It is totally up to them.

My sister did ask SiL to clarify that it was child free stressing that no more would be said etc. Well it turns out her nephews will be there and her cousin’s toddler/ Goddaughter was flower girl.
My brother is making it child free as he thinks our elder brother would bring his stepchildren and chaos would ensue.

Essentially our children can’t go to brother’s wedding as he refuses to confront our other brother over his stepson’s behaviour.

If this was your brother would you say anything?

We have no issue at all with SiL having her family children there. We have issue with our brother not wanting his there .

Sure op

some children can’t be in the same room as others

a physical attack on one child

you clearly have a… difficult relationship with your SIL

and now this

Yes but given her the groom… you need to bloody respect that decision

Don't go then.

Look if your kids can't get on when they are together it's no wonder they aren't invited. Rather than make the step kids feel shit he's decided right no kids on his side.

I wouldn’t want two very difficult and prone to violence children at my wedding.

Especially when my brother, the children’s step father, is like “a big kid” himself

Tricky. But if you don't want a big family
Blow out (which is what will happen), you have to respect the grooms wishes.

He doesn't have to invite the kids. You don't have to attend.

Brother’s step son has behavioural problems. It is not a case of our children not getting on.

@Lesssugarketchup
There are two Sisters in Law and I get on with both of them. One has a poorly behaved son who creates ‘drama’. We’re too polite to say anything and now my children and my sister’s will miss an uncle’s wedding.

Just had a cheeky As of your username Op

as expected…. Loads of family drama. Whether it’s ex SIL dictating visits or relationship breakdowns or worrying about cheating partners

even drama about your own wedding

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3373657-My-wedding-and-Brother-in-Law-s-relationship

Which is the one who had a an issue with in the above thread?!

If the children from the bride's side are invited it's not a child free wedding, is it?

Oh they’ll get over it

whereas to be the family that can’t go because your two children have been specially NOT invited… well that’s just cruel

I think he is in a tricky position. And is trying to be fair

@Lesssugarketchup That’s my husband side.

very genuinely no drama between me and my sibs. I am upset about my children not being able to go.

so if genuinely no drama

don’t make something like a wedding… that start of drama

While I would be upset about mine and my sister’s children not being invited to a child free wedding this isn’t child free.

The groom would be happy for his nieces and nephews to attend if it wasn’t for the possibility of our brother wanting his stepchildren there.

Coolio

Youre not going to take this lying down and kick up a stink

I look forward to the ensuing threads about ongoing drama in your family

Would anybody say anything and if so what?

What would I say?

Congratulations bro! Can’t wait for the big day and let me know if I can help in any way

Has he actually said that?

I'd either say "sorry can't come" or "yes would love to come thanks" and enjoy your child free night

"I'm really disappointed that you're leaving our children out. They're so excited about your wedding, and it's as though you're punishing them for brother's stepson's behaviour.
If this was a fully child free wedding, I'd be sad but respect it. But I have no idea how to explain to my kids why some children who are not related to either of you are invited but they are not.
You're hurting them and us to avoid being honest with (brother). I'm struggling imagining coming to your wedding and leaving our kids, who love you and SIL, at home"

Oh the pure hypocrisy that you posted the below on a thread about a dinner invite where DC excluded

* I do get hacked off with people saying because other children are going it’s all right. *

Children aren’t some weird homogeneous group but individuals with presumably a relationship with the birthday celebrant.

You wouldn’t want a strange 50 year old turning up because other 50 year olds are going.

@Lesssugarketchup I don’t feel I can ask my brother- the one getting married but what I would like is if we could have a chat with him together as a family. I genuinely would take this lying down if it were a child free wedding but it isn’t. Groom also wouldn’t mind our children but feels this is the only way not to upset our brother.

😬