Brother’s wedding and children/stepchildren

[ChorltonCreamery]

I am the eldest of 4. Sister is married with kids same age as mine, brother married with a two year old but SiL has two from a previous relationship which was unhappy because of her ex’s controlling ways.

Her children are similar aged to mine and my sister’s. The boy’s behaviour is challenging to say the least especially if he is not the centre of attention. . My brother is just a big kid so plays with him all the time so I don’t think he realises what a problem this behaviour is.

The boy adores my father. One example is when brother visited, my father was out with the grandchildren. When he returned the boy had an absolute meltdown attacking my nephew.

My sister confessed that her husband ( he is not controlling or abusive in any way) said that his kids are no longer allowed to be in the same room as these children. Ironically this was because of an incident with the girl, who is very shy, hurting my niece.

So that’s the background.

Youngest brother is getting married in a couple of months. My niece is six and asked to be a flower girl ( not a brat but excited and her cousin and friend had been one) but future sister-in-law said the wedding was for ‘big people’. Upsetting as we would like a family wedding but not our wedding! It is totally up to them.

My sister did ask SiL to clarify that it was child free stressing that no more would be said etc. Well it turns out her nephews will be there and her cousin’s toddler/ Goddaughter was flower girl.
My brother is making it child free as he thinks our elder brother would bring his stepchildren and chaos would ensue.

Essentially our children can’t go to brother’s wedding as he refuses to confront our other brother over his stepson’s behaviour.

If this was your brother would you say anything?

Sorry I’m a little confused!

Basically she can bring children from her side of the family?

How serious is the boy’s behaviour

and your brother is basically “a big kid” who just plays with him presumably lives with the boy? So it would be very odd if he didn’t know the situation very well indeed

But essentially whatever the bride and groom want in terms of attendees - that’s there’s business entirely and I would NEVER put my brother is a difficult position about such a joyeous event

Just reread and still confused!

Wish someone would translate the situation for me. I got lost when it mentioned controlling behaviours, lost track of which nieces, nephews and step relations - not to mention big people.

Need a diagram. Thought I followed then another brother entered the mix...

So the bride’s side has kids invited, but not the groom’s side. That’s because one of the groom’s side (who happens to be a step kid) is a little scrote.

Is that right?

I’d deff ask the brother getting married about this. I think it’s entirely fair that a badly behaved kid spoils things for others.

Whatever… because all sounds very convoluted and messy

You ask whether you should interfere in the guest list

Hell. No

TLDR
Man and woman getting married.
Woman inviting children from her side.
Man not inviting any children from his side because step niece and step nephew are too poorly behaved and he won't leave them out.

OP is man's sister.

so the bride has guest children from her side

but not the groom, to stop your brother step-kids attending?

I would speak with my brother, and ask why MY children are punished, but I am guessing the bride and groom are trying to treat all family equally, and avoid the usual big drama about step-children. It's a bit shit for your children, they are family.

I'd admire him for not leaving them out. He's obviously afraid of issues with your sister and brother in law if everyone is invited.

Cheers

Seems pretty sensible to me 🤷‍♀️

Sorry. I did my best to give full background and it backfired on me.

Essentially the groom has not invited his nieces and nephews as our elder brother would bring his potentially disruptive step-son.

This is your problem to hash out with your brother.

Personally, I wouldn't attend if my children were excluded.

Sorry, if my children were excluded but others were attending.

If it was a completely child free wedding that'd be fine.

@ChorltonCreamery hang on, is it because he doesn't want the step kids or because he thinks there will be drama with everyone if they are invited?

I suspect with this family… there’s always drama

I’d be annoyed; i don’t mind a child free wedding but if someone picks and chooses and my DC aren’t invited despite being family then it annoys me.

I don’t think it really matters that some children were invited yet others were not. That’s just how weddings go, not everyone gets to be invited just because some other people are. Somebody may get a “plus one” for whatever reason, that doesn’t mean that everyone else has to be given a “plus one” because everything needs to meet somebody’s personal assessment of what’s fair. If you don’t want to attend without your children then say so and don’t go.

He doesn’t want our brother’s step kids there because of disruptive behaviour but won’t say that so our children aren’t invited.

I mean fair enough if that's what he wants. I'd leave SIL to be out of it. Your beef is with the groom.

So your niece asked if she could be a flower girl and the bride to be said no, but her family’s children will be there ?

if that’s correct don’t say anything. the parents of your niece should have warned your niece she may not be able to be a flower girl.

Up to him really.

I also think it's fair enough for the bride to choose flower people from her side of the family only if that's what she wants.

@Lesssugarketchup There is never drama , that’s why we aren’t equipped to deal with it.

So… you want him to “say it?”