AIBU for thinking I may have to stand up to this behaviour and say I’m done?

[WhimsicalLayer]

I need some help. I’m working in a mega toxic environment. My manager is a two faced hag. I hate her. This was a very sudden change of heart as she was once upon a time very nice and so supportive. But suddenly I had really good feedback and the next day she was doing an impromptu lesson observation on me with no notice and ripped into me for being 2 mins late.

I decided that I had enough also ignored her. She figured it out so kept asking me what was wrong and I ignored it, then she asked in a meeting. Again I have nothing away and she didn’t really like it”

Then, she kept inundating me with constant moaning about this colleague (Emma- a nasty woman) on our team. Non stop. On a daily basis but then in meetings would act like her best friend and when Emma did nothing would cover for her. But then text me right after and say she’s fed up. Then the next day say to Emma she “loves her loads”

Emma) who was “sick” yesterday. This person is a nightmare. Supposedly they were severely I’ll, Emma came in today but my manager was off. So Emma sat down and said she still felt unwell etc etc and I listened. Emma kept working so I said “what time you staying till” she answered and said she was not going to bother staying. I said “why stay just go now no point making life harder. Get some rest” so she carried on then later moaned again and I said “ah well. Are you done now anyway” Emma then said I was “practically dragging her away from that building to her car” I just laughed because I don’t care.

Anyway. 2 mins later my manager who’s off says “Emma said you’re practically dragging her to the car right now”. So I said “this is silly I never said that. I said get some rest”.

On a side note some odd behaviour I’ve noticed is I felt my managers burning stare going into my back yesterday when I was chatting away to other colleagues, then I also caught her peering round the door at me though the staff room door while it was open. I was also on duty and went off to talk to kids to avoid drama,suddenly I turn round and she’s there.

Im actively job seeking but I’m on the verge of saying keep me out of the nonsense.

aibu?

Long post warning sorry!

Yes

It all sounds very childish and dramatic. Don't engage with their silly games. Good luck with finding another job. Will your manager be the one providing you with a reference?

You lost me at “hag”.

How childish

Sorry, but when you say that you are ignoring her, do you literally mean that you are ignoring as in not responding or reacting 8n any way when your manager speaks to you?

If so then yes YABU, and petty and unprofessional and demonstrating misconduct in the workplace so on potentially very shaky ground as far as your employment status goes.

How can you feel someone's burning stare when you're not looking at them?

I would tread very carefully around your manager, don't piss her off too much.

Not fully ignoring. I just speak when spoken to and don’t get over emotional. I’m just blunt. Do I need to be more than that. I’m actually autistic so my brain doesn’t understand how to be nice when someone isn’t kind

Do you what you feel you need to do, but to be honest, it all sounds a bit petty childish to be leaving a job over.

Grow up.

If a work environment is making you unhappy then start making the steps to leave. Life is too short for silly office politics. Hope things get better for you, please ignore any posters saying you are being silly or childish

I’m not being immature as much as it may sound as though I am. I’m just actively trying not to be stuck between two female workers who are both as scathing as each other and have a two faced nature.

It is. It’s really tiring. The issue I had was manager is at home Emma (colleague) is texting manager saying I was forcing her out. Surely if you’re severely I’ll there’s not point bringing yourself to work!

I don’t know I just felt like someone was watching me in a creepy lurky way. Tbh she’s made a rod for her own back by moaning about other colleague to me then being sweet as pie to her the next minute. Issue is, I can see through it and it’s unprofessional to keep berating someone to me via text then in person you’re all over them.

Don't respond to text messages outside of working hours, and unless they are about work.

In response to hyperbole, pull them up. "You're practically dragging me out of the building". "I'm not, I'm simply saying get some rest, you don't need to exaggerate".

Keep your distance and remain calm and professional.

My issue was, the “dragging me out the building” thing was said to me in passing by thr colleage and I said that’s funny but I think that’s different to get some rest, then I got a message from manager on day off saying “Emma text me saying you’re telling dragging her out at the moment. So funny”

so I said “yeah funny. Sounds like some serious exaggeration”

Is there a reason why you keep posting about this? Are you other 6 threads on the same topic not sufficient?

Today:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4837687-can-anyone-explain-what-on-earth-this-behaviour-is

Monday:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4836293-im-stuck-in-the-middle-of-some-bitchyness
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/work/4835878-fighting-fake-with-fake
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4835696-aibu-for-feeling-unable-to-play-fake-with-fake-at-work
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4835632-getting-frustrated-by-fake-behaviour

Sunday:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4835608-unprofessional-work-relationships

I actually didn’t mean to repost it I just didn’t see it coming up as I’m on the mobile version so I posted it again and really crap at working out how to use it! Sorry.

Hag?

Horrible as it sounds. Yes. Someone’s uncle passed away at work and she said they were using it as an excuse. She’s toxic.

I hope you are not an English teacher as your written expression reflects your inner turmoil

Said kindly - You need professional help , I have had distressing relationships with people at work and burnt bridges and ultimately lost jobs because of my behaviour

You need to get help to navigate your autism combined with challenging working relations

Oh and don't call women hags- it's ageist

Lesson observation? Please tell me you are not teaching? This is very, very immature indeed. He said she said.

Issue is I don’t want to be involved but I’m always being dragged in.

I just get on with my work. I really have no idea how to do fake nice I can’t get my head round it.