AIBU for thinking I may have to stand up to this behaviour and say I’m done?

[WhimsicalLayer]

I need some help. I’m working in a mega toxic environment. My manager is a two faced hag. I hate her. This was a very sudden change of heart as she was once upon a time very nice and so supportive. But suddenly I had really good feedback and the next day she was doing an impromptu lesson observation on me with no notice and ripped into me for being 2 mins late.

I decided that I had enough also ignored her. She figured it out so kept asking me what was wrong and I ignored it, then she asked in a meeting. Again I have nothing away and she didn’t really like it”

Then, she kept inundating me with constant moaning about this colleague (Emma- a nasty woman) on our team. Non stop. On a daily basis but then in meetings would act like her best friend and when Emma did nothing would cover for her. But then text me right after and say she’s fed up. Then the next day say to Emma she “loves her loads”

Emma) who was “sick” yesterday. This person is a nightmare. Supposedly they were severely I’ll, Emma came in today but my manager was off. So Emma sat down and said she still felt unwell etc etc and I listened. Emma kept working so I said “what time you staying till” she answered and said she was not going to bother staying. I said “why stay just go now no point making life harder. Get some rest” so she carried on then later moaned again and I said “ah well. Are you done now anyway” Emma then said I was “practically dragging her away from that building to her car” I just laughed because I don’t care.

Anyway. 2 mins later my manager who’s off says “Emma said you’re practically dragging her to the car right now”. So I said “this is silly I never said that. I said get some rest”.

On a side note some odd behaviour I’ve noticed is I felt my managers burning stare going into my back yesterday when I was chatting away to other colleagues, then I also caught her peering round the door at me though the staff room door while it was open. I was also on duty and went off to talk to kids to avoid drama,suddenly I turn round and she’s there.

Im actively job seeking but I’m on the verge of saying keep me out of the nonsense.

aibu?

Sorry but I feel like this is all made up. Your written language skills are not great so I do not understand how you can possibly be a teacher. It's really quite odd

It sounds like most schools tbh my manager wasn’t qualified to do the job , 2 of us had the specialism yet she was over us. It’s who you know. I wonder how many parents know if their child’s teacher is actually qualified or not?? You’d be surprised how many are not!

I wish it was. Yes, I apologise, I did not do my due diligence and re-read what I posted. The grammar is atrocious. I was angry and just posted.

Really? I didn’t even know this was possible.

It sounds like you are involving yourself in all of this tbh.

Are you a qualified teacher? I assumed you were a classroom assistant.

*pimplebum
I hope you are not an English teacher as your written expression reflects your inner turmoil

Said kindly - You need professional help , I have had distressing relationships with people at work and burnt bridges and ultimately lost jobs because of my behaviour

You need to get help to navigate your autism combined with challenging working relations

I just get on with my work. I really have no idea how to do fake nice I can’t get my head round it.*

You don't need to fake nice
Take it from me an autistic teacher of 15 long years where I have fucked up over and over again because " I can't get my head round it". You need a specialist therapist who can help with all this angst because there will always be people who don't understand you and make life much much harder for you than needs be in the work place

So, your manager was supportive and gave you good feedback until one specific day when she had a go at you for being late, and on the basis of that one occasion you started ignoring her, and then repeatedly refused to engage when she asked you if there was anything wrong? I've got to be honest, I think perhaps you don't quite understand how that might be coming across to your manager. I think most managers would find it very weird if their employee went from being friendly to monosyllabic overnight and refused to explain the change. The 'ignoring' is obviously very noticeable, if she's been asking you about it. I'm not surprised she's started to be frosty with you, because you're being quite childish and unprofessional.

The two-faced thing with your boss and Emma? Yeah, your boss shouldn't be doing this. But It's not really your problem. What she thinks about Emma is no skin off your nose, really.

The 'practically dragged her to the car' thing is just a passing comment that was clearly not meant literally and also sounds light-hearted to me. I can absolutely envisage a conversation at work where I said 'Ugh, I feel terrible' and a colleague said 'Why don't you go home?' and then later on said 'What are you still doing here? Go home, you're not well' or whatever, and then the next day my manager saying 'Hope you're feeling better, Colleague said you weren't very well yesterday - did you go home early?' and me replying 'Haha, yes - I kept saying I was just going to finish some things first and then an hour later Colleague was practically pushing me out of the door!' It's just a light-hearted, deliberate exaggeration for comic effect, that's all.

In short, you sound quite over-sensitive to me and while your colleagues sound a bit irritating, I suspect you don't fully understand how you're coming across to others, and what is/isn't significant here.

I really have no idea how to do fake nice I can’t get my head round it.

Surely this is quite a problem for you in terms of how you work with the kids at your school? I assume you don't just cease all friendly engagement with a pupil forever after an incident where they misbehaved or annoyed/upset you?

Sometimes blunt to a manager isn’t going to be any better.
However, does she know you’re autistic? I had a terrible personality clash with a colleague until she told me. simple things like ‘can you do xyz’ v ‘will you do xyz’
Since then I’ve learned and understood so much about her. We have a great working relationship now. Good luck. You spend such a huge percentage of your life at work that it should be something that fulfils you. You be you 🤗