Ex -H texted DC to say he’s getting married today

[Rockschooldropout]

Maybe I’m over reacting but yesterday my dd (13) received a text from her father my x h to say he’d arrived in Gretna Green!
she asked him why he was there and he said he and his partner were getting married (today now ) .
my poor dd was in shock and didn’t know how to respond . We have four children, 3 are adults and the 13 year old and 18 year old live with me .
All of my children said they had no idea this was happening now and are understandably upset to find out this way , especially as it transpires there are some family members there on both sides (a handful )

For context he had an affair when I was 8 months pregnant with dd and this is the AP . It’s just another demonstration of the shite behaviour he’s displayed over the years like letting them down constantly , promising holidays then telling the dcs he can’t get time off work and then going away with his partner .
If they wanted a small elopement wedding fair enough , but to not even tell the dcs and then drop a text message like this just beggars belief … or maybe I’m being too sensitive 🙈
I remarried in April so am very happy he’s an ex 🤣 but I just feels it’s a rubbish thing to do to the dcs particularly the younger ones

Wow, what a tool.

If they've been together for over 12 years I'm sure marriage isn't overly unexpected? It's shitty not to let them know beforehand but most people for to GG for a low key and small wedding.

So he’s been with AP since your daughter was a baby, so 13 years, without remarrying and now he suddenly elopes to Gretna Green a few weeks after you remarry? Yeah, there is some interesting timing going on there.

Ignore. He isn’t worth the headspace. Just laugh it off for your DC.

They didn’t officially get together until I uncovered the affair four years later and left - but yes no surprise they are getting married but my 13 year old is understandably upset - We had a low key wedding but still had dcs there

He’s invited other family but not had the decency to even tell his children it’s happening, let alone invite them. Tells you all you need to know, he’s a shitty father.

What a jerk. How callous and calculated.

ignore him and move on with your lives.

That’s exactly what my DM said when I told her - she said he wouldn’t have invited the youngest as he Would have had to pay for them and he’s as tight as a tick 🙈

It feels very callous - My 13 year old said she didn’t know what to say back , I told her to merely say Congratulations

It says an awful lot about him as a person and a father and your DC will be able to see that. Empathise with your DD that you can see she is upset etc and how it must make her feel and your sorry she's hurting.
Don't make excuses/reasons or rubbish him, you don't need to your DD already knows it.
Be the one that is there for your DC. X

I have a shitty XH too that keeps dumping on my poor kids.

My best friend pointed out that he's changed from being the good dad and I should probably stop being shocked at the shitty things he keeps on doing to his kids.

It's horrid to watch the kids go through it though, isn't it?

Keep being their consistent loving mum.

Berate him in private.

Be understanding for your children. They're old enough now for you to acknowledge that they're right to feel a bit crap about their dad's behaviour if they say that to you or voice it in other words.

I hope he sees what crap he's dumped on them, but sounds unlikely that he will, as he's all about him. Dickhead.

I'm so sorry. What a shitty thing for hum to do.
My Mil has done similar (not as bad but similar) and it destroyed the relationship between her and my DP.
It started off as strained and is now non existent.

How hurtful for your DC. I’m sure you’re already being supportive and not making a big deal of it but children remember these kinds of things, whether we make a big deal of them or not.
Maybe you could suggest something exciting to do on the weekend to sort of take DC mind of it/distract them.

Also, he’s a dickhead. Good parents don’t do this shit.

How rude not to invite them to his wedding!

I'm sorry for your dc, your dd especially. It's a shitty thing of him to do and says a lot about the sort of person he is and how much he values his relationship with his children. My mum did something similar - though I was an adult and we were living in different countries. I was pregnant and she knew that by only telling me a couple days before, I'd not have the funds to pay a ridiculous amount for a flight and couldn't easily travel that far pregnant either. It wasn't the end of our relationship, but we have been NC now for a number of years, and it epitomised the sort of behaviour in the years that followed. I can't imagine having any special days like that without wanting my dc there. Nor can you, I'm sure, but that's because you are genuinely good parent.

I think it’s hurt them more because I re married in April and all my dc were there , DD was bridesmaid too . It was a small wedding with no evening reception but they all felt it was a special day and I wanted them to share my happiness .
Thank fully my 18 year old said that at least they god to share my day .

He’s been rubbish for years - I holidayed alone with them when we were married , took them out etc as otherwise they would never have done anything - two of the dcs are starting to see through him . I’ve never said anything derogatory about him and always encouraged them to have a relationship with him. However he never bothers with the grown up ones now and rarely sees my youngest dd - however He visited on Saturday and he could have told her then 😡

You are right though @Globules I shouldn’t be shocked anymore .. isn’t it sad 😞 I’m sorry your x is rubbish too , I just can’t understand it myself

@Georgeandzippyzoo
Ive reassured DD , my older ones are quite upset but yes as always I’m the one to pick up the pieces 😣

Oh I wouldn't get her to say that - I wouldn't get her to be false, IT'S HARDLY 'GOOD NEWS'. You are quite right to be annoyed on behalf of your kids. Your mum sounds sensible - stuff him.

Sounds like you had the special day that you and your DH wanted but included your children, as any decent parent would.
I’m glad your DC enjoyed the day and had a nice time.

I don't understand why grown adults go to Gretna Green - they're not 16! And it's hardly eloping when you've invited family...

But anyway...I would be so hurt if my parent got married with family present and didn't invite me - it's so shit of him. No advice from me - just for you and your children.

PS congratulations on your recent wedding

I think at the age they are I'd just say something like "I'm sorry that your dad keeps proving over and over how crap a parent he is. I'm sorry that he acts so hurtful towards you. It's his loss, vecause frankly you are wonderful and who wouldn't want their daughter at their wedding?"

It's better than my DC had. They found out days after their DF had married again from someone walking past them in the street who asked if they liked their new Stepmother. Obviously she assumed they had been at the wedding and they told her that she was wrong and he wasn't married. He was. Awkward all round.

My dad didn't tell my sister and I that he was getting remarried either. We went for our usual weekend visit and were presented with new dresses and taken to the ceremony . Surprise !! I was 10 and my sister 16, it didn't go particularly well from my sisters side.

Wow. What an utter bastard. How left out his kids must feel.

And what kind of cow is she to not want the kids, her (now) stepchildren there? Does it somehow wipe out his past or something to deny then the chance to attend?

Are the kids a dirty secret her family don’t know about? Probably as she’s ashamed of her behaviour considering the circs she met him under…..

just wow.

What’s wrong with people these days.

You’ve done well not to colour the kids opinions of him. Now they see the truth. He’s a prick.