Ex -H texted DC to say he’s getting married today

[Rockschooldropout]

Maybe I’m over reacting but yesterday my dd (13) received a text from her father my x h to say he’d arrived in Gretna Green!
she asked him why he was there and he said he and his partner were getting married (today now ) .
my poor dd was in shock and didn’t know how to respond . We have four children, 3 are adults and the 13 year old and 18 year old live with me .
All of my children said they had no idea this was happening now and are understandably upset to find out this way , especially as it transpires there are some family members there on both sides (a handful )

For context he had an affair when I was 8 months pregnant with dd and this is the AP . It’s just another demonstration of the shite behaviour he’s displayed over the years like letting them down constantly , promising holidays then telling the dcs he can’t get time off work and then going away with his partner .
If they wanted a small elopement wedding fair enough , but to not even tell the dcs and then drop a text message like this just beggars belief … or maybe I’m being too sensitive 🙈
I remarried in April so am very happy he’s an ex 🤣 but I just feels it’s a rubbish thing to do to the dcs particularly the younger ones

@Delphigirl how awful , those poor kids 😣

How rubbish.

I think all you can do is keep being there for your DC. Make sure they feel safe and know they are loved and enough as they are. Acknowledge that they are having feelings about this and that their feelings are valid. Agree certainly don't make them see him and don't make them feel they need to do the right/polite thing.

My exh did this twice to our DC . First time was before mobile phones etc . He didn’t see them very often ( his choice) but was supposed to collect them one Saturday morning and didn’t. No phone call . Sent a postcard from his honeymoon.
Second time he sent a photo to their phones showing the couple surrounded by friends and family .
and he wonders who they want nothing to do with him !

My friends niece and nephew weren't invited to their dads wedding to his third wife;she (the third wife) didn't want any kids there;no exceptions apparently.They were both teenagers so not like they'd have been a distraction.

Ironically when ex wife number 2 (kids ex step mum) got remarried she invited the two teens along with their mum and my friend and her kids along to her evening reception;they went and enjoyed it.

That is terrible. So hurtful for your children.

Unfortunately you cannot change him. Your children will see him for the person he is.

As naff as it sounds there is a vacancy for ow now... She won't ever trust him.

I noted one of my sons had commented on OW Instagram post (shown to me by my other son ) saying love you both - I was upset .. especially as he’s found out about the wedding via me but my son said “don’t get it get to you mum he’s just being nice “

Ask your daughter if she is ok. Let her know it’s ok to be upset because what he did was mean. I would let her know she can take some time away from any contact with him if she needs to. I would suggest her blocking his number for a few weeks.

Poor kids, awful for them. Shit bloke.

fwiw I think you did the right thing saying she should say “congratulations “. It’s hard but better she see and model an adult response.

@Betterlatethanontime she’d never do that as he has her very firmly in his grip , he bought her a mobile phone when she was 10 which I was furious about so he can “keep in touch “ he’s been bombarding her with photos from his big day and she’s getting more upset but still won’t have a word said against him

My dad did similar when I was 8. In his case he had told my brother and sister who lived with him. Sister was deeply upset rang our grandmother to spend the day with her and this was how the story came out.

"Offical' way my dad told me was by sending me a wedding photo. It changed how I saw him. I'm in my 50s now I still don't understand how that was hos choice (now how he could marry that woman) she is long gone and he remarried his and my relationship never fully recovered.

It was when I understood I was nowhere near the top of my dad's priorities.

Again I was 8

Be proud you’ve brought up someone who can be a grown up when upset.

My dad did similar when I was 12, didn’t invite me or my brother to his affair partner wedding. Went on to have three kids with her who are all treated wonderfully by them and grandkids all doted on. He’s been a spineless prick ever since, won’t see me without his wife as they ‘come as a unit’. I’ve gone NC 3 times for years and about to do so again after he ‘forgot’ my son’s 16th birthday. These men never change, I suffered hugely mentally when younger - he just gaslights me when I try to talk to him about any of it. His wife has him by the balls.

Just be there for your DC, they may well suffer emotionally as time goes on as a result of his selfish neglect so keep telling them they are amazing & try to build up their confidence and emotional resilience.

I honestly wish my dad would just fuck off and didn’t exist, he’s a pathetic excuse for a father & grandfather.

What a nasty arse! Especially to bombard your poor DD with photos from the day!

I'd have to contact him and tell him to stop upsetting her but I probably wouldn't be very polite about it.

Probably best to be more dignified and just ignore the prick though.

@rainbowstardrops I’m pretty sure he’d ignore my message as I’m sure they are on honeymoon now

@Solonomi At least I can be assured they won’t be having kids - aside from the fact he never wanted any (but neglected to tell me this until years later ) they are both in their late fifties

@rainbowstardrops I’m pretty sure he’d ignore my message as I’m sure they are on honeymoon now

Ah yeah, fair point. He's still an arse though and I'd be pointing that out to him when he's back.
I wonder if OW ever asked why he didn't want his children at his wedding?

Mega shitty behaviour. Glad you’re shut of him. Just carry on being a great mum. 🌺

@rainbowstardrops She doesn’t really bother with them so I suspect she couldn’t care less . She’s never really had anything to do with them even when they go to visit

Aww how sad 😔 Well, unfortunately your children will gradually learn the hard way what a shit father they have.
Thank goodness they have a lovely mum though x

I’ve just discovered that they live streamed the wedding to their friends! You couldn’t make this shit up !

Your poor kids. I’m so sorry he has done this to them. There just aren’t enough words to describe what a horrible shit your ex is. You had a lucky escape 🌺

My mum's ex didn't even text to say he was getting married. I'm pretty sure he did get married a few years after he left her, but 0 communication if he did or not. Haven't spoken to him in over a decade.

I genuinely don't understand men like this, like do they genuinely not think about their children with their ex at all? Like does nothing go through their brain?

Well it seems he’s making his position quite clear

• after contact with my younger two has dwindled to nothing and I always believed that his now wife fully expected him to walk out in everything including his children . I don’t think she actually expected him to still see his children .

Seems the stand now is , my children don’t factor in anywhere . One of their attendees did a Fb live and it also seems that lots of their friends knew they were getting married this week as well . He has already stopped the younger dcs maintenance as both of them left their jobs last week after she inherited a large sum of money and claim they are setting up a business .