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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Housemate/her boyfriend are ALWAYS in the bathroom

66 replies

MelonHead2 · 28/06/2023 10:51

I don’t know if I’m being unfair here.

Take last night (but this is every evening) -
bear in mind they were in all evening, and I didn’t arrive home until 10:45. I went straight to bed.

While I’m trying to sleep, they decide to use the bathroom at 11pm. At 11:15, my housemate goes to her room and her boyfriend remains in the bathroom.

For 25 minutes.

He turns the taps on about 7 or 8 times, and the light is on which shines through my room. It’s keeping me awake.
He blows his nose loudly and he also played a video on his phone whilst doing all this which, whilst wasn’t super loud, was loud enough for it to be irritating.

This happens almost every single evening and I just don’t understand what they do for so long, or why it’s necessary.
They also spend ages in the bathroom in the morning whilst I’m getting ready for work.

If I’m honest I don’t have much of a relationship with my housemate and we very rarely talk unless it’s bills or rent. We’ve never really been confrontational.

How do I approach this? Do I say something? I don’t want to make it tense but it’s taking the piss now…

OP posts:
TempName247 · 28/06/2023 11:01

You could ask if her boyfriend was unwell last night as you could hear him in the bathroom for a long time

GiveOverRover · 28/06/2023 11:06

You're not being unfair, but you're not doing yourself any favours lying there and counting the times he turns the tap on either. Get yourself some earplugs and a decent comfortable eye mask and accept that house sharing is cheaper for a reason.

Original poster
MelonHead2 · 28/06/2023 11:12

It happens every evening so definitely not unwell! It’s just got to the point I’m getting really fed up of the inconsiderate-ness of it (don’t know the right word!). It’s also affecting me getting ready in the morning

OP posts:
Throwncrumbs · 28/06/2023 11:20

Is it just you and her paying to live there, and the boyfriends freeloading? I definitely would say something if that’s the case. Even if he pays to live there I would say about the noise when you are in bed, it is inconsiderate!

ComtesseDeSpair · 28/06/2023 11:21

This is one of those situations where you really just have to talk to people. Agree on staggered morning bathroom times so there’s no hogging by one person whilst the other is trying to get ready, let them know that the walls are really thin and could they not play videos in the bathroom.

Things like nose blowing and using the taps at 11pm are really pretty standard activities for a not particularly late bedtime routine, so I agree with previous poster on earplugs and a face mask if you’re easily woken.

Freefall212 · 28/06/2023 11:21

Is the boyfriend paying his share if the rent / bills?

assuming this is the only bathroom
and shared by the 3 of you, you need to talk to them about it. Not about when you aren’t home(no idea how you know they were in there all evening if you weren’t home) but that you need access to the bathroom to get ready in the am and at night for bed. Just have a conversation.

123ZYX · 28/06/2023 11:22

Is her boyfriend also a tenant? If not, and he's staying almost every night I'd be talking to them about that. It might not feel so bad if half the time they were at his and so you had the flat to yourself

hedgehoglurker · 28/06/2023 11:26

Why does the light shine through your room? It's not unreasonable to turn the light on in the bathroom, so you could eliminate this problem quite quickly by covering where the light comes through.

ThunderStormPlease · 28/06/2023 11:28

Do a sheldon and make a bathroom rota. Grin

No honestly though, tell them exactly what you've said here.

Zhougzhoug · 28/06/2023 11:30

The morning is non negotiable - you both need an agreed time. I used to live with a flatmate who liked to have a little spa experience for a literal hour in our tiny bathroom every single morning when we both had a train to catch. She’d use all the hot water running the shower empty to get it nice and steamy first then liked to exfoliate, shave her legs, fake tan, 10 step skincare etc. It was insane. So you need to be like one of you has it at 7.30, another at 8. If he is not paying rent then he has to share her slot so there is no impact on you whatsoever.

The evening is more of a noise issue, maybe just ask them to keep it down a bit. Assuming they’re not shagging in there and he’s just watching Netflix in the bath or something.

cocksstrideintheevening · 28/06/2023 11:31

Is he a tenant?

pastelmagenta · 28/06/2023 11:32

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request

Bluebells1970 · 28/06/2023 11:37

I think you need a quiet word with her - saying that it's disturbing you so late and can they please be a little quieter especially when you're in bed.

Is he there all the time? If he's not on the tenancy, then I'd also perhaps have a chat to the landlord....

PJRules · 28/06/2023 11:38

Say something as gently as possible about being disturbed by noise from the bathroom - blame the thin walls and happy doors rather than saying they are being excessive.

Then change whatever is within your power - ear plugs and some extra seals round the door or staple a curtain to the doorframe.

I think I'd be more annoyed by the BF always being there if he doesn't officially live there.

Original poster
MelonHead2 · 28/06/2023 11:41

Sorry I forgot to mention - he is not a tenant. He is round every single day and they don’t really leave the flat. They probably stay at his once a week.
Thanks all for your inputs!

OP posts:
FeltCarrot · 28/06/2023 11:44

He needs to start contributing to bills if he’s there 6/7 nights.

GiveOverRover · 28/06/2023 11:47

MelonHead2 · 28/06/2023 11:41

Sorry I forgot to mention - he is not a tenant. He is round every single day and they don’t really leave the flat. They probably stay at his once a week.
Thanks all for your inputs!

In this case then let her know this is unreasonable, he needs to be not there more than he is. If you're feeling resentful about the amount of time he spends in your home, than everything he does will piss you off, evening if the act itself isn't particularly unreasonable.

GiveOverRover · 28/06/2023 11:49

.... or he needs to split the bills and rent with you if he's basically moved in. Living with a couple isn't fun OP, I feel for you.

EmmaEmerald · 28/06/2023 11:59

MelonHead2 · 28/06/2023 11:41

Sorry I forgot to mention - he is not a tenant. He is round every single day and they don’t really leave the flat. They probably stay at his once a week.
Thanks all for your inputs!

I'm amazed you haven't spoken up before

there needs to be a rota and tbh he needs to not be around so often, he basically lives there!

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/06/2023 11:59

How easy would it be to find somewhere else? I would speak to your landlord about the amount of time he’s staying over. It sounds as if he’s moved in by stealth. If they only stay at his for 1 night, is he living at home or something?

MrsSkylerWhite · 28/06/2023 12:01

Just tell them they’re disturbing you. I love a bedtime bath but wouldn’t want to bother anyone else.

fruitbrewhaha · 28/06/2023 12:10

Talk to them. He has “moved in” and you are still paying 50% when you are sharing with two people. He needs to spend less time at the flat. 6 days a week is unfair. Maximum of 3.

Explain that whilst on your bedroom the bathroom light shines into your room (could you cover this up at all?) and that you can here him pottering around there. You’re not suggesting a “no bathroom after 11” rule but sitting in there watching videos is noisy.

Precipice · 28/06/2023 12:23

A mix here.

You can certainly ask that they not play videos or music in the bathroom, since that carries through. But your complaints that they 'decide to use the bathroom at 11pm' or turn the taps on a few times and have the lights on there are not reasonable.

If you're awake, you might need to use the bathroom. This is true even in the night, but 11pm is a reasonable time to be up and need to get ready for bed. You can't expect anyone to use the bathroom in the dark just because the light shines into your room. (Your room and the bathroom have one of those windows in/above the door?) It's also normal for a washing routine to involve turning the taps on and off a few times. Turn it on to wet your toothbrush, turn it off not to waste the water, turn it on to rinse the toothbrush and your mouth. Then to turn it on to rinse your face and off to apply a cleanser, and on again to wash it off. You can't expect people not to use the bathroom in a normal way.

mindutopia · 28/06/2023 12:24

This totally reminded me of a housemate I used to have years ago. She was an early bird and took hours, literally hours to get ready in the morning. She would go to bed about 8pm every night (which was great, flat to myself!) but she woke up to start getting ready for work at 3am. She'd leave about 6:30am ish to get the train. But it was literally a 2 hour routine every morning, at least, in the bathroom. She'd wake me up showering at 3am every day. Some days I would be out with friends and not even get home until 3-4am and we'd bump into each other trying to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. More than once, I was clogging up the bathroom, er, with a guy I was dating, while she was waiting around to have a shower in the middle of the night. Awkward.

I think, yes, if boyfriend is staying over, he needs to be contributing or they need to share between their two places a bit more equally, which will free up the bathroom more for you.

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 28/06/2023 12:25

He is staying at yours far too much.

You need a maximum number of nights (say 2) that he can stay at yours, otherwise he contributes to the rent and bills.

He is using electricity etc by staying and interrupting your sleep and making mornings difficult when you're getting ready for work. He's not a tenant, so he either needs to make his presence less-impactful or pay an equal share.

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