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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Housemate/her boyfriend are ALWAYS in the bathroom

66 replies

MelonHead2 · 28/06/2023 10:51

I don’t know if I’m being unfair here.

Take last night (but this is every evening) -
bear in mind they were in all evening, and I didn’t arrive home until 10:45. I went straight to bed.

While I’m trying to sleep, they decide to use the bathroom at 11pm. At 11:15, my housemate goes to her room and her boyfriend remains in the bathroom.

For 25 minutes.

He turns the taps on about 7 or 8 times, and the light is on which shines through my room. It’s keeping me awake.
He blows his nose loudly and he also played a video on his phone whilst doing all this which, whilst wasn’t super loud, was loud enough for it to be irritating.

This happens almost every single evening and I just don’t understand what they do for so long, or why it’s necessary.
They also spend ages in the bathroom in the morning whilst I’m getting ready for work.

If I’m honest I don’t have much of a relationship with my housemate and we very rarely talk unless it’s bills or rent. We’ve never really been confrontational.

How do I approach this? Do I say something? I don’t want to make it tense but it’s taking the piss now…

OP posts:
Original poster
MelonHead2 · 28/06/2023 12:54

It’s hard because my boyfriend is there a lot of the time that I’m there, and she would argue that, BUT we spend a lot of time out of the flat doing things, and I stay at his 2/3 nights a week. They are in 24/7.
I should definitely say something shouldn’t I…

OP posts:
Original poster
MelonHead2 · 28/06/2023 12:57

Also I completely understand about the lights - of course I wouldn’t expect him to not use the lights, but he’s in there for half an hour straight. He’s not in the bath or on the toilet so god knows why he needs to be in for that length of time

OP posts:
LaMaG · 28/06/2023 13:17

That's so frustrating. I need to pee a lot at night so even hearing water running would set me off. Maybe knock after about 5 mins and say you need to go? Then maybe it would give you an opening to talk to flatmate about the ongoing issues if you find confrontation difficult. He is there far too often for someone not paying his way, your bathroom needs are priority while he is not a tenant

Freefall212 · 28/06/2023 18:24

No point in grumbling online if you are putting up with it in real life. I would never be subsidizing someone else's boyfriend or waiting for him in the bathroom on a regular basis. But it seems you have been fine with it so far and haven't said anything.

Original poster
MelonHead2 · 28/06/2023 18:54

Spoke to them briefly earlier and mentioned about him moving in etc if she would prefer, she laughed and went “oh god no not yet”. He’s basically living here anyway?

i felt uncomfortable then and so I’m going to send this tomorrow.

how’s this?

Housemate/her boyfriend are ALWAYS in the bathroom
OP posts:
GiveOverRover · 28/06/2023 19:54

Don't start a request for money with an apology and a hahahaha.
If your boyfriend stays over four nights a week, I would leave it to be honest OP, you've got less of a leg to stand on by far. You both want to be able to have your boyfriends stay over, and you will absolutely be doing things that piss her off, in the same way as their bathroom use isn't regulation according to you.
It's part of sharing a house, and I think you need to suck it up and get an eye mask and some earplugs as I said before, if you ask her boyfriend to contribute, she will just ask you for a contribution from your boyfriend for the nights he spends there.

Try not to obsess about it, stick a podcast on and roll over.

Bluebells1970 · 28/06/2023 20:07

If your BF is there a lot too, then you've not really got a leg to stand on.

I'd just message saying that you were really tired last night and her BF was quite noisy in the bathroom and for a long time. Going forward, can you all agree that the bathroom is off limits for showers/bathing when someone is in bed for the night or after say 10,30pm on a weeknight?

Vettrianofan · 28/06/2023 20:10

Drip feed! So you also have a boyfriend. Double standards much?

Gymnopedie · 28/06/2023 21:02

Vettrianofan · 28/06/2023 20:10

Drip feed! So you also have a boyfriend. Double standards much?

There is a difference between someone who is clearly a visitor and not using the facilities (eg the shower) vs someone who has moved in.

The bills should not be split 50/50 if bf is there full time.

HowAmYa · 28/06/2023 21:11

My god OP grow a backbone.
You can't send a message as a doormat and not expect her to wipe her feet on you!

'Hi, I've noticed that your bf is here every night, I don't want to be paying half the bills as that's not fair when there is now a third person using utilities on a daily basis. I only live here 4 days and if my bf is here, he isn't allowed to use shower/bath utilities as I made it clear that we share the bills and it wouldn't be fair. Please let me know if you want to discuss.'

lauraisa · 28/06/2023 21:26

Blackout sleep mask & white noise.

TheCatterall · 28/06/2023 21:29

@MelonHead2 as a grumpy 48 year old who used to be super apologetic people pleaser I used to write letters like that. I don’t anymore. Take out the lols and hand wringing statements as people have suggested. Others have given good advice so I won’t add more other than we can be assertive and still nice without having all the ‘if you dont mind? Could you possibly.., I don’t want to be a bother…’ these put us in a position of weakness and on the back foot immediately.

WGACA · 28/06/2023 21:34

Could you rent with your boyfriend?

mumofboys8787 · 28/06/2023 21:50

Childish opening line - don't ever start a serious conversation with "hahahahaha" as nobody will ever take you seriously.

Also 4 nights a week is a lot for your boyfriend to stay. It's not 6/7 nights per week, but it's splitting hairs to say he never showers there. You probably need to either accept that both of you benefit from your boyfriends being there a lot of the time, or move out. Your issue is clearly that you think they have no social life and are irritated by the fact that they're constantly in the house - if your housemate annoys you, that's fine. And valid. But don't make it her issue. It's double standards trying to blame the fact that he "doesn't pay" when in reality the issue is that they just get on your nerves.

bonzaitree · 28/06/2023 22:17

How long is left on the lease?

Honestly OP I’d style it out until the lease is up. Get some ear plugs. Maybe ask for a few quid from the BF to cover the costs. Then maybe move in with the bf or your own place.

Whoever you live with they’re gna piss you off. It’s part of sharing. So you live alone and pay the price or you have to compromise.

I think you might be fixating on this a bit- who counts the number of times the tap is turned off and on?

Original poster
MelonHead2 · 29/06/2023 07:58

He made me late for work this morning as he had a half an hour shower…

OP posts:
UncleRadley · 29/06/2023 08:04

You pay to share a bathroom with one person, not two. You need to say something about the bathroom issue - along the lines of he spends a lot of time in the bathroom and you need to use it too, can he be more mindful of not monopolising it especially at times you need to get to work - as you're paying for the use of it and he isn't.

GeriatricMumma · 29/06/2023 08:06

Coke head or just loves a bath?

Clymene · 29/06/2023 08:10

MelonHead2 · 29/06/2023 07:58

He made me late for work this morning as he had a half an hour shower…

He's basically moved in hasn't he?

footballdramas · 29/06/2023 08:16

He didn't make you late for work.

You made yourself late by not bashing on the door after a normal 3 minute shower and saying, can you hurry up, I need to get to work!!

And then when he came out, saying, "What are you doing in there for 30 minute? Do you realise we have to pay for hot water!!"

Loudly and slightly angrily.

He is taking the piss because you are being too nice.

Seriously, tick him off like the selfish little boy he is.

Original poster
MelonHead2 · 29/06/2023 08:23

I agree I’m too nice for my own good, I hate confrontation 😭 I did knock on the door and say I’ve been waiting 15 mins and need to leave for work and he said sorry but he remained in there

OP posts:
Neverinamonthofsundays · 29/06/2023 08:26

You need to sit them both down and tell them that is not on. This is YOUR home not his and he should not be in the shower first thing in the morning when the resident of the home needs to be in there. You need to take a firmer approach to this. Not nice to have to confront them but they are taking the piss. On the other side of it, how long are you with your own partner? Could it be time for you to move in with him instead of separately renting?

GeriatricMumma · 29/06/2023 08:27

Set your alarm an hour early and get in there first.

Or switch the hot water off a couple of times randomly

footballdramas · 29/06/2023 08:28

Oh if you told him and he ignored you then it's time to sit down with your housemate and say he needs to be spending less time at the house or you will move out and he can move in - right now he's acting like he lives there and that's not the agreement.

GeriatricMumma · 29/06/2023 08:28

What does your agreement say about having others living there? When I used to house share (many years ago) it wasnt allowed to have people regularly staying.