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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not pay for invited guests siblings at my child's party?

58 replies

B1993 · 27/06/2023 19:46

I'm organising my son's 4th birthday party and a mum (from nursery that I don't know personally) said her child will be attending- after the RSVP deadline passed, might I add - but has asked if his sibling can come too as she doesn't want her to miss out.

Despite having missed the deadline, I don't want to exclude this child as he's my son's friend. But, I'm wondering if it's unreasonable to message back to say that the invited guest's sibling can come but I'd like her mum to pay for admission since she wasn't actually invited (in a more tactful way than this - any help on wording the response would be appreciated). I'd still make sure she had cake and would pay for this. I should add that, as the venue is soft play, paying for admission separately would mean she can still participate in the party with all the invited guests so she wouldn't be left out at any point.

Again, any help wording a reply would be great!

TIA

OP posts:
fluckityfluckfluck · 27/06/2023 19:49

Just say the venue accepts people on a pay as you enter basis but you've finalised numbers for the party. Say luckily someone who replied before cut off has dropped out so invited child can come

Somethingsnappy · 27/06/2023 19:49

Just say... 'Yes, the soft play is still open to the public during the party, so any siblings who want to come along, can pay to get in and join in the fun!' This is quite normal for parties in my experience.

Irritateandunreasonable · 27/06/2023 19:52

Somethingsnappy · 27/06/2023 19:49

Just say... 'Yes, the soft play is still open to the public during the party, so any siblings who want to come along, can pay to get in and join in the fun!' This is quite normal for parties in my experience.

Yes, say this.

Nursemumma92 · 27/06/2023 19:54

'Yes of course, siblings are welcome and can be paid for on entry. See you on xxday 😊'

This is how I've responded to this question before the first year I did a party for my DD. The next time I did a party I wrote it on the invitation that siblings are welcome and could be paid for on entry to save that awkwardness.

Solsticesummer · 27/06/2023 19:54

She really should have offered to pay when she asked if sibling could come, some people are so thoughtless!

here’s what I would do:

”Yes of course X and X would be very welcome to join the party however as I have already paid the deposit based on the numbers I will need to put in a call tomorrow and see if I can add them on, I’ll let you know what they say.”

that’ll give her 24 hrs to think about the fact that it costs! Hopefully she will offer to pay in response for sibling, if she doesn’t I would go back again with - “great news I can add them on, would you be ok to pay for (sibling)?” - friendly but straight to the point

that’s what I’d do, I still can’t believe she didn’t offer though for a child who you don’t even know!

GlitteryUnicornSparkles · 27/06/2023 19:56

Somethingsnappy · 27/06/2023 19:49

Just say... 'Yes, the soft play is still open to the public during the party, so any siblings who want to come along, can pay to get in and join in the fun!' This is quite normal for parties in my experience.

This is the perfect response, I’d go with this.

Biscoffpancake · 27/06/2023 20:12

What sort of soft play is it? All of the soft play parties we’ve had/been to are generally an hour or so to play and then time in the party room for food that is provided for the party guests. So it might be worth mentioning that she’s more than welcome to bring her as long as she pays for her own admission however when the time comes to move into the party room a meal won’t be provided as only the party guests are catered for!

Wasywasydoodah · 27/06/2023 20:18

I went to a party once where a mum brought two older siblings. She paid for entry but then took 2 plates off the party guests for her uninvited children and the older kids ate loads of the food so there wasn’t enough. I was gobsmacked at the balls. Party hosts were so nice and didn’t challenge her.

FarTooHotForMe · 27/06/2023 20:20

Even when the parent pays for the sibling how will it work with party food?

Original poster
B1993 · 27/06/2023 20:30

Thank you for all of the advice. I've messaged to say that sibling is more than welcome to attend but needs to be paid for on the day.

For those asking about party food, I've checked with the venue today and they said that siblings are welcome to sit in the party room - it's a buffet type thing so assuming they won't turn her away. They also said that the parent of said child can pay the party admission if they prefer (which includes play, food and party bag) on the day.

Thank you for all of the help everyone! This is the first kids party I've organised and my second born is only 5 weeks old so I was clueless about party etiquette and siblings!

OP posts:
EsmeSusanOgg · 27/06/2023 20:31

fluckityfluckfluck · 27/06/2023 19:49

Just say the venue accepts people on a pay as you enter basis but you've finalised numbers for the party. Say luckily someone who replied before cut off has dropped out so invited child can come

Perfect response.

Smittenkitchen · 27/06/2023 20:35

Again I am surprised by people advocating lying instead of being direct. Maybe I have lived outside of the UK for too long but I really don't understand it. Good suggestions from PP which make it clear. It's not unreasonable at all so you shouldn't feel bad.

Loveacardigan · 27/06/2023 20:35

I once hosted a party at soft play for my two daughters who have birthdays quite close together. After hours you can hire whole place and provide own food. Numbers not really limited. A parent asked if her 3 year old could join in so of course I said yes. Parent then left leaving her 3 year old without a supervising parent for 2 hours. I didn’t realise until 3 year old started crying! Unbelievable!

ohfook · 27/06/2023 20:42

The soft-plays where I live have got around this by printing on the invitations words to the effect of any siblings wanting entry on the day will have to be paid for. I like this because it makes it seem like it's the soft play's problem not mine .

Fossie · 27/06/2023 21:11

Be prepared that parent may conveniently forget they need to pay for sibling and try to get them in with invited child. I’d also stress sibling will need parent to stay with them and not be left in your care.

FarTooHotForMe · 27/06/2023 21:24

A parent asked if her 3 year old could join in so of course I said yes. Parent then left leaving her 3 year old without a supervising parent for 2 hours. I didn’t realise until 3 year old started crying! Unbelievable!

I once had a random kid at a party with no parent, I thought it must have been a guests cousin or neighbour. It turns out the DC was invited to a party for the following day and the mum has dropped and ran.

KarmaStar · 27/06/2023 21:29

This thread about siblings attending parties with the invited child comes up nearly every week op,surely you have seen them.
No,Yanbu for the uninvited kid.

SausageinaBun · 27/06/2023 22:37

Joining in with the party food is ok as long as there are no items that are provided on a 1 per child basis. Our local soft play includes one cupcake per child and I would expect that to cause problems.

I've occasionally had a child drop out of a soft play party at the last minute and offered the place to siblings, rather than have it go to waste.

Changington · 27/06/2023 23:42

In my experience a couple of kids won't turn up anyway. (There's always a bug going around or the parents just forget or flake).

billy1966 · 28/06/2023 00:05

Make sure you give a list to the venue of the names you have invited and are paying for ONLY.

Make that crystal clear.

Wellgoodforyou · 28/06/2023 00:10

Just say no …my children had numerous parties and I never even considered siblings!

Moonshine5 · 28/06/2023 00:51

I'm prepared to be flamed here but what if you paid for the sibling, in the spirit of it being a celebration. They may not have childcare available. I'm aware there's a CoL crisis however we are talking about one child. In this scenario I would be pleased my child s friend could attend and I would cover the sibling. Just saying.

allhailthebrain · 28/06/2023 01:15

You've done the right thing in making it clear they would pay. Parties are expensive and you're generally choosing X number of kids when there are more you might have liked, to stick to a number and budget you're happy with. So to add random sibling isn't fair in many ways - it's accommodating to say it's fine to pay them in. I've had some invites where it states siblings welcome and can be paid for on the door but won't get party food or whatever.

When my son was small, about 4 I think, he got a party invite and I had no choice but to take his toddler brother. I knew the mum and asked if I could bring him but keep him out of the way - she was more than happy. I don't think we paid because he didn't go in the soft play part, he was too little. I occupied him, had a near miss with the cake (which had been left under the table!), and covered him at all times - which wasn't easy when he wanted to join in, but two hours of full on distraction later, we made it! When the party food came out, he made a beeline for the food table to sit with the others, and I stopped him - she said don't be daft, they won't eat it all, and pulled up an extra chair. For me, the key there is that I never expected anything, and I covered him entirely. She was grateful for my efforts, I was grateful for her solidarity! Maybe the fact she'd had 5 and this was her youngest helped the camaraderie 😁

Make sure she doesn't drop and run and leave you with both!

Emptycrackedcup · 28/06/2023 02:45

Somethingsnappy · 27/06/2023 19:49

Just say... 'Yes, the soft play is still open to the public during the party, so any siblings who want to come along, can pay to get in and join in the fun!' This is quite normal for parties in my experience.

This, but also add "x will need to pay £x for admission. See you there

Original poster
B1993 · 28/06/2023 06:27

@Moonshine5, I see your point but I've simply not budgeted for siblings. I'm also effected by the CoL crisis too and am now even more stretched as I'm on maternity leave with a newborn. I know it's only one child now, but what if other parents get wind and ask if there other children's siblings can come too? I couldn't possibly agree to do it for one child and not the rest, can I?

OP posts: