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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not pay for invited guests siblings at my child's party?

58 replies

B1993 · 27/06/2023 19:46

I'm organising my son's 4th birthday party and a mum (from nursery that I don't know personally) said her child will be attending- after the RSVP deadline passed, might I add - but has asked if his sibling can come too as she doesn't want her to miss out.

Despite having missed the deadline, I don't want to exclude this child as he's my son's friend. But, I'm wondering if it's unreasonable to message back to say that the invited guest's sibling can come but I'd like her mum to pay for admission since she wasn't actually invited (in a more tactful way than this - any help on wording the response would be appreciated). I'd still make sure she had cake and would pay for this. I should add that, as the venue is soft play, paying for admission separately would mean she can still participate in the party with all the invited guests so she wouldn't be left out at any point.

Again, any help wording a reply would be great!

TIA

OP posts:
Original poster
B1993 · 28/06/2023 06:30

B1993 · 28/06/2023 06:27

@Moonshine5, I see your point but I've simply not budgeted for siblings. I'm also effected by the CoL crisis too and am now even more stretched as I'm on maternity leave with a newborn. I know it's only one child now, but what if other parents get wind and ask if there other children's siblings can come too? I couldn't possibly agree to do it for one child and not the rest, can I?

Oops, lots of typos here... tired baby brain 🙈

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 28/06/2023 06:48

Moonshine5 · 28/06/2023 00:51

I'm prepared to be flamed here but what if you paid for the sibling, in the spirit of it being a celebration. They may not have childcare available. I'm aware there's a CoL crisis however we are talking about one child. In this scenario I would be pleased my child s friend could attend and I would cover the sibling. Just saying.

If you dont have childcare you decline the invite!

HarrisJu · 28/06/2023 06:53

Moonshine5 · 28/06/2023 00:51

I'm prepared to be flamed here but what if you paid for the sibling, in the spirit of it being a celebration. They may not have childcare available. I'm aware there's a CoL crisis however we are talking about one child. In this scenario I would be pleased my child s friend could attend and I would cover the sibling. Just saying.

Quite right you should be flamed.
Ridiculous idea, as OP said she’s on a tight budget too.
It’s not the party givers problem to sort out other people’s childcare arrangements.

123wdcd · 28/06/2023 06:54

Fossie · 27/06/2023 21:11

Be prepared that parent may conveniently forget they need to pay for sibling and try to get them in with invited child. I’d also stress sibling will need parent to stay with them and not be left in your care.

Particularly necessary to stress the need for supervision if the sibling is younger. We know a parent who automatically invites a younger sibling and it is not fair on the older birthday child to have their friendship group disrupted, plus difficult to supervise an older group plus a little one (doesn't help he is not well behaved).

Beseen22 · 28/06/2023 07:50

I have taken younger DS to a soft play party but paid on entry and when the party went up for food we had a cake together downstairs. Also my friend has kids the same age and did the same thing so he had a wee friend to play with.

NotOnYourNellies · 28/06/2023 08:02

Moonshine5 · 28/06/2023 00:51

I'm prepared to be flamed here but what if you paid for the sibling, in the spirit of it being a celebration. They may not have childcare available. I'm aware there's a CoL crisis however we are talking about one child. In this scenario I would be pleased my child s friend could attend and I would cover the sibling. Just saying.

Don't be so bloody ridiculous
Everyone is having to cut back , they should decline if they have CC issues
@B1993 you are a nicer person than me , I'd have said too late the numbers have closed. Can't be arsed with faffing around , RSPV is there for that reason

NutellaNut · 28/06/2023 08:07

Perfectly reasonable to ask the mother to pay for the sibling. What if every invitee brought a sibling, why should the OP have to pay for a loads of kids (or even just one) who her child probably doesn’t even know.

00100001 · 28/06/2023 08:08

What is it with people trying to dump all their kids in birthday parties??

"So they don't miss out". What utter bollocks. They'll go to dozens of these parties in their lives.

It's obviously so the parents can have a child free couple of hours.

BlockbusterVideoCard · 28/06/2023 10:49

Just say no …my children had numerous parties and I never even considered siblings!

Same here, that response is also okay.

Nordicrain · 28/06/2023 11:20

Does the venue allow people to pay on entry? If so jstu say yes, you can pay for sibling on arrival. That's 100% standard in my DCs classes and noone is offended.

Daffodil92 · 28/06/2023 11:30

@Moonshine5 dont be ridiculous. What if each parent wants to bring 2 siblings along? It would run into hundreds of pounds for the op!
OP your response is generous and fair. You’re not obliged to let siblings come along at all, and it’s only fair this mum pays herself.

JudgeRudy · 28/06/2023 11:34

I think what you're proposing is perfectly acceptable. I would just say Yes, sibling can come and you will provide refreshments however there's a £x admission cost which you'll need to pay at the door.
No apology or further explanation needed.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 28/06/2023 11:45

@Moonshine5 my local soft play costs £24 per child for a party. Where does OP draw the line? One sibling? Two? Five? Ten? What if each child at the party brought a sibling? Even one extra child is another day trip's worth of money that OP can't spend on her own child later. But the fact you've said you'll be "flamed" for this says you're probably not interested in actually thinking through why your suggestion isn't workable.

JenniferBarkley · 28/06/2023 12:02

Moonshine5 · 28/06/2023 00:51

I'm prepared to be flamed here but what if you paid for the sibling, in the spirit of it being a celebration. They may not have childcare available. I'm aware there's a CoL crisis however we are talking about one child. In this scenario I would be pleased my child s friend could attend and I would cover the sibling. Just saying.

We did the whole class soft play thing, plus a few friends from ASC and a few siblings that are in nursery with DC2. I think my wallet just fainted at the thought of paying for everyone else's siblings too.

00100001 · 28/06/2023 12:08

Moonshine5 · 28/06/2023 00:51

I'm prepared to be flamed here but what if you paid for the sibling, in the spirit of it being a celebration. They may not have childcare available. I'm aware there's a CoL crisis however we are talking about one child. In this scenario I would be pleased my child s friend could attend and I would cover the sibling. Just saying.

Well, in the spirit of it being a celebration, why don't YOU send the OP the money for the sibling's place?

After all it's just one child and you'll be helping a parent out who hasn't got childcare...

Moonshine5 · 28/06/2023 16:07

This is healthy debate and despite the vipers being out, I'm standing by my view and I say that respectfully.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 28/06/2023 17:18

Moonshine5 · 28/06/2023 16:07

This is healthy debate and despite the vipers being out, I'm standing by my view and I say that respectfully.

I take it you are on the wind up?

00100001 · 28/06/2023 17:20

Moonshine5 · 28/06/2023 16:07

This is healthy debate and despite the vipers being out, I'm standing by my view and I say that respectfully.

You'd happily pay for 5 extra kids at your LOs party? Happy to shell out another £100+?

It's very easy to be generous with other people's money...

drpet49 · 28/06/2023 17:25

FarTooHotForMe · 27/06/2023 20:20

Even when the parent pays for the sibling how will it work with party food?

They don’t get any. The party is for the invited kids.

drpet49 · 28/06/2023 17:26

00100001 · 28/06/2023 08:08

What is it with people trying to dump all their kids in birthday parties??

"So they don't miss out". What utter bollocks. They'll go to dozens of these parties in their lives.

It's obviously so the parents can have a child free couple of hours.

This. It isn’t even a case of the mum has no one else to look after the sibling. Total piss take.

00100001 · 28/06/2023 19:29

drpet49 · 28/06/2023 17:25

They don’t get any. The party is for the invited kids.

Show quote history

Except when the siblings look on in confusion when they're not given food and parents just goes "oh just have a sandwich and some crisps, there's plenty to share and she'll only have a little bit..." And give their kids the party food anyway

ZeroFuchsGiven · 29/06/2023 07:44

00100001 · 28/06/2023 19:29

Except when the siblings look on in confusion when they're not given food and parents just goes "oh just have a sandwich and some crisps, there's plenty to share and she'll only have a little bit..." And give their kids the party food anyway

Show quote history

Then come on MN and complain about the host parent not even offering her child some food!

Clymene · 29/06/2023 07:51

Good for you OP.

What is this 'not missing out' stuff?

Children need to get used to their siblings being invited to stuff they're not pretty early on in life.

Nanaof1 · 24/07/2023 19:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

PopGoesTheWeaselYetAgain · 26/07/2023 08:33

The thing is, with parents who are separated, the parent responsable for the children that weekend has no choice except to bring siblings along. I normally have some extra food and would give them a small party bag size gift (not whole party bag).

Bringing an uninvited sibling who doesn't want to be left out is a bit odd.