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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men only invite work sports match

58 replies

Iftheydonlygetashifton · 27/06/2023 18:57

I work in a male-dominated industry. A male colleague who is otherwise really decent arranged a sports match and invited only a handful of men. Then posted a photo on the company intranet with them with their arms around the bosses in the middle, saying it’s a great way for people to get to know each other and it’ll be an annual event under the company name, ‘X annual (rugby or whatever) match’. This is the first time I’ve heard of the match and I’ve checked that an invite wasn’t sent out. The sport is one that is played by non-mixed teams (think rugby/football/cricket). AIBU to think it’s a bit tone deaf not to invite everyone, even to watch, then bang on about the networking opportunities?

YABU: it’s a social thing really. Go invite the few senior women to an exclusive spa day then post a photo of that! No harm done.
YANBU: work socials should be for everyone. If it’s men only and exclusive invite it limits opportunities for those not invited. It’s 2023 not 1990, get with the programme.

OP posts:
LoobyDop · 27/06/2023 19:00

Post a comment “that sounds brilliant, can I come next time?” and see what the response is. Get lots of other women to do the same.

lljkk · 27/06/2023 19:02

If colleagues are almost all male
& He invited just a handful of people
Then The odds are if he chose those few colleagues at random, they would be mostly/all male

So question is, why did he only invite a handful? Were they his best mates or did he only have 3 tickets or are they especially fans of rugby whatever it was sport so would be the 3 who could most enjoy the match.

Do you even like rugby whatever it was sport ?

DH watches a lot of women's rugby, is getting to know the elite players. Perhaps you want to organise a work event to attend one of the elite women's rugby matches?

gogomoto · 27/06/2023 19:02

Sounds like it wasn't all men either, I can't get worked up about that, organise a women's football match maybe?

BitOutOfPractice · 27/06/2023 19:03

I’d get every woman in the company to comment on the post: aren’t women allowed? Every single one of them.

Naunet · 27/06/2023 19:43

I had this once at a pretty big company about 10 years ago. All the men got invited to an annual golf day, and not only that, but a few of the male managers attending would drop their kids off in the office first for the women to look after whilst trying to work. Big part of why I left.

EuripidesEumenides · 27/06/2023 19:59

Did all the people invited actually play in the match or were people invited as spectators too?

Original poster
Iftheydonlygetashifton · 27/06/2023 20:27

To clarify - sorry, my wording made it a bit unclear - the photo showed a group of men from the company who’d played the game, with the (male) bosses in the middle. It’s not clear that everyone in the photo actually played, maybe one or two spectated I guess. It’s billed now as the annual (our company name, that sport) match and that it’s a good way for people across the company to get to know each other. No broad invite was sent out. I guess women could have been invited but none are visible in the photo. I think I’d be much less p’d off if they’d invited everyone and people could spectate if they want. Then if only the men in the photo turned up, fair do’s but at least the rest of us could have taken the chance to network that they’re banging on about if we’d wanted it.

OP posts:
EuripidesEumenides · 27/06/2023 20:43

IDK then. Inviting the women from the office as hangers on to cheer the men playing their match kind of feels worse. Equally saying no sports socials would be a bit much.

Simonjt · 27/06/2023 20:45

We have a company lacrosse team, if they play the big bosses, players and players family are invited and no one else. If I wanted to be part of a work sports team, I’d either join one, or start one.

ironorchids · 27/06/2023 20:53

Obvious discrimination.

Try less hard at work, to focus your energy on outside pursuits. Spend company time applying for other jobs.

They're actively discriminating against you. Remember this when there is any question in your mind about whether you should call a sickie, take a lunchtime interview (for another job) have a regular dentist appointment during work hours or anything else. It's blatant discrimination.

If you're senior then yeah the women's spa day also sounds great. The trouble is, that will be seen as a "great, she's placated" rather than an "oh they're discriminating me now" by the bosses since it's already male dominated so they know where the power lies.
They won't care, it won't help you.

Just leave and find ways to prioritise your needs above the company for the remainder of your time there.

LlynTegid · 27/06/2023 21:03

Just wrong. Even though I'd not want to play sport with work colleagues, be it a mixed team or single sex, but that would be out of choice.

wildfirewonder · 27/06/2023 21:08

That's just wrong. Either it is a work networking opportunity in which case all should be invited to attend or it is a limited event, in which case it shouldn't feature in the company newsletter etc.

This stuff is not accidental, it's a boy's club.

Fucking annoying.

veryfluffyfluff · 27/06/2023 21:12

If you can post and say - sounds great could you send an email round next year when it's time to sign up?

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/06/2023 21:13

Tell me about this. “Networking” in my industry revolves around sport and I have no interest in it.

Officially we are all invited (women and gay men outnumber straight men about three to one in my firm) but the sport events are still where the real action is. I am expected as a senior woman to sit through hours of tedious cricket and to have boned up on all the players etc to keep up and ingratiate myself with clients. And my failure to enthuse and partake of this stuff is always read as lack of commitment.

I fucking hate sport and I am fucked if I am going to spend precious free time watching it so I can get in with the guys. Sport can fuck off.

Motheranddaughter · 27/06/2023 21:14

Honestly, I couldn’t get that worked up about this

Panteranoir · 27/06/2023 21:22

Urgh I used to work in construction and there were lots of rugby, football and golf get togethers for the menz. Promotions and favourable treatment often fell on those who socialised with the directors doing the aforementioned activities.

Even nights out would often end in a lap dancing bar, so if you went on one of those in an attempt to bond with the team, you had to leave before the end of the night, clearly marking you as an outsider.

latetothefisting · 27/06/2023 21:22

I would wait and see what happens next year

It sounds like this year it was quite a small, possibly informal event if only a handful went. Then because it went well they decided to make it an x company annual tradition. So I'd wait and see who gets invited next year. If it's just a select few again it's not necessarily sexist but still isn't a great idea if its supposed to be a' bonding/get to know colleagues at an official x company social' rather than ' a group of friends who are also colleagues working together at x company' thing..

If next year it's open to all the men in the company/at a particular level but not the women then yes, it's really dodgy and worth questioning.

User8907 · 27/06/2023 21:26

Can't believe it's still happening still in 2023! It would be different if it was their free time, they choose to play football (or whatever) together, but if this is company-sponsored event, surely the only rule to invite people shouldn't be that they are not women.

sewerrat · 27/06/2023 21:27

seriously it sounds as though you're making a fuss for the sake of making a fuss.
would you feel better if women were involved, you were all the same and shared the same showers and changing rooms?

its not 'discrimination'

swanling · 27/06/2023 21:31

It's indirect sex discrimination.

swanling · 27/06/2023 21:32

If the exclusion of women was "accidental".

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/06/2023 21:33

I'd be interested to know if all the men were invited. Do you have a close male colleague who could check that?

TrueScrumptious · 27/06/2023 21:43

Yeah, I wouldn’t be impressed with that at all.

rwalker · 27/06/2023 21:43

Sport will always be divisive
If it was something like football /rugby they probably knew each other played and put a team together

Farmhouse1234 · 27/06/2023 21:44

Identify as male, and join in