To think that given many of the threads on MN at the moment we women need to give ourselves a good shake and take a long hard look at our attitudes to our roles as mothers and wives???

[SmileysPeeple]

I've just been on threads with women sniping at each other about whose 'right' or the 'best' mother re SAHM and WOHM (on childminder thread) and thread with crap husband who won't get up and help ill wife, thread about 'oh indulgent me staying in bed till 9am'.

WTF is going on??

I would neber have labelled myself a feminist but I'm now thinking of becoming one.

Don't we want women (and therefire motheres) to have choices availbale and to exercise those choices?

Then WHY do we find it so hard to acceopt that we will ineveitably make differmnt choices from each other?

Can we not accept that mothers can be/have the right to be as indulgent and selfish sometimes as any man/father/single women?

can we not see that by moaning but doing nothing about our roles as put upon wives makes us complit in setting up that very expectation??

maybe just a bad morning for me on MN, but has made up want to SCREAM!!

I've found that its often other women that set the standards and make things so hard for other women. When my MIL comes over to stay, I have to do the housework and the tidying as she feels its a woman's role and I just cannot be arsed with the hassle that will follow by getting DH to do it! While these kinds of attitudes and judgements are around, then we won't be comfortable in the choices we make and can fully support each other in the choices we, as women, make!

what is worse to be subserviant to your DH or his Mum? would not let her in my house, unless she fancies tidying it up

I don't think YABU but things will never be equal due to nature. Most women can achieve whatever they want to in life, just as men can. The problem being that if you have children then there has to be a pause to have the child for at least a small time. This break in work can be damaging to careers and increase the pressure on relationships due to undefined roles between the parents.
The role expected of mothers has been defined over hundreds of years, which although out of date, did actually make life less complicated and I would imagine less stressful.
Trying to balance a demanding job, child rearing, etc creates a massive juggling act which can be just as strangulating to women as being tied to the kitchen sink.

PLEASE - no one bite that bait from Tori....

I have to say that I am lucky in that DH understands that although I am at home, I am still working the longer hours and will do chores/meals/ironing etc to help out. He also does his complete share of caring for dd when at home.

sycamoretree.

You devil Tori.

I know! such a bggr!!!

LOL tori!

I am a TV addict and do watch the 'Tribe' type programmes - semi naked vaguely handsome man doing strange stuff, excellent!

One of the things I find interesting is how contented the people appear to be in cultures where men and women have clearly defined roles.

Personally I think this is one of the troubles we face - women are (kinda) expected to 'have a career' now, or at least work (generally) and if you are seen as an enlightened and modern woman you will desire a career outside of the home and many women have to work in order to maintain their chosen lifestyle.

BUT although (a lot) of women work just as many hours outside the home as their menfolk, not that many men have taken on 50% of the domestic chores and childcare - I know there are exception (SAHD and others). This is universal across Europe and one study compared the actual amount of housework done by men to the perceived amount done by men and usually the perception was that they did a lot more than they actually did iyswim (even the women in the survey thought this). So a lot of women (IMO) end up doing it all, or doing the lions share and it's quite a lot to do (2X jobs compared to having to worry about doing the hard work of running the home and kids and OH ). Maybe the roles need to be redefined more as universal work that needs to be done, rather than men and womens work?

Personally I'd LOVE to not be expected to 'earn my keep' and just get on with domesticity, but I got to enjoy being a SAHM with dc1 for over 3 years.

I know I will get flack for this and am not saying that women should be domestic goddesses or chained to a sink (unless that's your thing), they should be able to CHOOSE but..

"Trying to balance a demanding job, child rearing, etc creates a massive juggling act which can be just as strangulating to women as being tied to the kitchen sink." I agree