To think DS needn't wear lace-up shoes to school?

[ILoveMyGonk]

DS is 9 and in Year 4. A couple years ago, DH decided it was time for DS to switch to lace-up shoes and bought him trainers, which after much unhappiness, DS learned to tie, and he has worn lace-up casual shoes ever since.

His school shoes are still rip-tape, though. He is due a new pair. DH is adamant the new ones must lace up. DS is adamant that he hates lace-up shoes and will not wear them. In the meantime, his shoes are getting too short. I think they hurt his feet, but he won't admit it, because he doesn't want lace-up shoes.

I understand DH's point that DS should know how to tie shoes, but I think this has already been achieved, and it's not necessary to force it with the school shoes, as long as DS continues with the lace-up trainers.

By the way, the school couldn't care less. Either fastening is fine with them, as long as they are reasonable school shoes.

And yes, the whole thing seems silly, but I'm stuck between DH's and DS's stubbornness, watching DS limping around in too-short shoes.

YANBU - DS's new school shoes should be rip-tape
YABU - DS's new school shoes should have laces

Elasticated laces are a revelation to me... Never mind a kid. Why bother?

When he learns to tie knots, tie the knot then make two bunny ears and tie them into a knot. This is how DD has learned to do laces. It's one step down from bow but looks like a bow.

DS had velcro ones all the way through primary although he could tie laces, but not tight enough for him.
I was concerned about having the mick taken out of him if he continued in comp but we found some shoes he likes with decent laces and we've bought the next size up since, he doesn't want to look elsewhere, and didn't like slip ons.
Recently I had the joy of being in the reception area at the school when classes were changing and every type of shoe was there! I was quite surprised that there were velcro styles.
Your Ds probably just doesn't want the hassle of laces esp after pe or if they come loose at playtime etc. I agree with pp get the velcro ones

If he can tie shoes he doesn't need every pair to be lace up. I hate lace up shoes too... I wear slip on.

My DS is dyspraxic and can tie laces but it takes about twice as long as everyone else and then they come loose much quicker and he doesn't bother doing them up again so they trail round as a permanent trip hazard. So this year I still bought rip tape ones that look like slips ons for school. He is year 7 and I only found 1 pair that met the school uniform criteria but its better for him to get them on quick and not risk a uniform demerit or falling over.

Round here loads of kids go into year 7 wearing velcro shoes. No one cares. The fact is your Ds can tie a lace. It doesn't mean he has to do this for every pair of shoes. Both my sons had elastic laces for school shoes and for their trainers and football boots at secondary. Lots of them did this, far easier to cinch a toggle in freezing weather than re-tie your undone lace with numb fingers.

Does he think it is babyish to wear velcro shoes? Does he know the vast majority of primary children wear velcro school shoes?

Tell DH you tried to get lace ups but there wasn't anything that fitted unfortunately

OP
Perhaps ask your husband when in his life he has had to demonstrate the ability to tie shoes before he could progress?

I'd just buy the same shoes he has now I the next size up and say nothing about it. Your husband is being absolutely ridiculous.

Is your DH worried that your DS will get teased if his friends will think he can't tie his laces? If so tell him not to worry, I work in a secondary school and there's a mixture of velcro shoes, slip ons and laces. If that's not the reason then why is he so set on him having a particular type of shoe? It seems an odd thing to fixate on.

As all PP have said, your DH is way out of date. Get him to do a pick up or drop off and count how many Year 4 boys he sees wearing lace up shoes. My guess is the answer will be 0. My son is in Year 5 and none of them are in laced shoes. Apart from the ease and speed of Velcro ones, they actually look better.

God who gives a shit about laces

Just get him velcro

Learning to tie shoelaces and learning your timestables during the summer holidays are the 2 battles I chose not to fight with my DC.
When adults can wear slip on or rip tape shoes and not be judged why do we want to saddle our young DC with the hassle of tying laces 3-4 or more times a day. I am sure they would rather be playing outside with their friends.
My eldest DD has dyspraxia and found it hard to master especially if she was flustered or rushed and unless you are a very laid back parent who doesn't worry about when school starts or is very organised and have your DC lined up ready 10 minutes before you leave, that is every day. At this point you have to give in and do it for them otherwise you will never leave the house.
DD did learn how to tie laces as she preferred converse style shoes outside of school and wore laced brogues at secondary school where it is much easier as you keep them on all day.

Just get whatever he is comfortable in. My DS has just left secondary school and has still never worn lace up school shoes. He went from Velcro to slip on loafers. He can tie shoes perfectly well but preferred the slip ons. Why does your DH care so much and would he be happy if you started dictating his footwear for work?

Take son to shoe shop, get son to pick shoes. Ditch stupid husband if he kicks off, problem solved.

Ds had velcro shoes & trainers right through school as he has dyspraxia & just couldn't get laces to stay fastened.

Is your DH usually this controlling?

This must've been an issue your DH had when he was little?
Otherwise why is it such a thing for him?

If I were you I'd take DS out shopping and let him choose the shoes he will be wearing five days a week...

So your child is currently wearing uncomfortable school shoes for approx 7 hours a day at a time when his feet are still growing/developing because your husband is a twat? Right.

Such a shame the shoe shop only had velcro shoes in the right size, wasn't it?!
Just buy him the veclro.

Your DH is being ridiculous.

Just tell him to stop it and buy your son the shoes he wants.

Perhaps your DH needs therapy for his shoelace issues? Ask him WTF is his problem, I would really like to understand why this matters so much.

My 12 year old starts high school in august and can’t do up laces. I’ve orders him greeper laces as he wouldn’t want to wear Velcro shoes in high school - never heard them called rip tape so that’s new. He also can’t do buttons or tie a tie (asd) he struggles to dress himself etc so hopefully these work for him

Buy your son the shoes he wants.

So DS knows how to tie laces and wears trainers which he ties?

Is it that DH thinks that school shoes with laces look more 'proper'? I'll admit I did think the same, but then looking at the shoes everyone else is wearing in the playground and realize my school shoe standards are a bit outdated.

Why have I never heard the term rip tape before?

DS gets to choose his shoes, he's the one who has to wear them.