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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cleaner being cheeky?

123 replies

Leo1195 · 26/06/2023 14:36

A bit of context to begin, my cleaner is not from the uk she’s from a Spanish speaking country I am from the uk but can speak Spanish. She has lived here 7/8 years and worked from me nearly 2 years now. I have two children under two both myself and DP work full time but I mostly wfh.

My cleaner regularly asks me to buy her and her family plane tickets, and recently has just asked me again, this is maybe the 6th time. At first I was happy to help as she fed me a whole story, she can’t speak English and finds it difficult to book and so I was happy to help.

Second time same deal and I didn’t think anything of it.

Third time she asked I asked her how she managed all the years before me to book flights and she said she used an agency but they charged her - fair enough but was starting to annoy me a little because she was using an hour of cleaning time to sit with me look for the best deals on flight etc.

Fourth time she asked I reluctantly helped her but also put the Ryanair app on her phone and Skyscanner in Spanish and showed her how to use it. This time she calls me up when she needed to check into her flight and asks me to check her family in.

This also happens on the 5th time she asks and also asks me to buy her extra luggage. When I asked her why she can’t use the app she says it doesn’t let her search?!

she now wants me to look again in my own time she’s just this morning sent me the dates and said she still can’t do it. She also never pays me the money as they first few times I told her that she could just work off what she owes me but I’m getting a bit fed up. DP thinks I’m a totally pushover which I am really I hate saying no to people but I don’t know what to do now?

so AIBU - just help her out and buy her the ticket

or

yanbu - tell her to figure it out on her own.

OP posts:
Trying2understand · 28/06/2023 12:51

I am always on the side of helping people, but honestly @Leo1195 she's deeply taking advantage. She should be saying she will stay longer to do the cleaning after taking up time with flights. She should also be paying for her flights, working it off, or offering to many times if you are refusing to accept the money.

Time for an honest conversation.

Sennelier1 · 28/06/2023 13:35

She's absolutely taking advantage, so stop searching&booking and especially stop paying anything for her. You gave her all the tools to do it herself, that's more than a lot of people in your situation would do. Don't feel guilty, I'm sure she will miraculously develop all the necessary skills once you say no to her 😊

skyeisthelimit · 28/06/2023 16:29

Tell her that it has to stop because your accountant says that you must pay her directly into her bank account from now.

I highly doubt that she is declaring the income if you are paying for flights instead of paying her. You are potentially assisting her to evade paying tax.

Nanaof1 · 28/06/2023 17:37

Leo1195 · 26/06/2023 17:18

@ApplesInTheSunshine I have tried to stop it by downloading the apps on to her phone and showing her how to use them but I guess you’re right i shouldn’t have let it get this far.

Make sure she is paid up totally for what she owes and then, let her go.

You need a cleaner, not the extra job of unpaid travel agent.

LuckyPeonies · 28/06/2023 17:44

OP, too many boundaries have been crossed. The only way to fix this is to message her that you no longer require her services, and find someone else.

MysteryBelle · 28/06/2023 17:47

Fire her and disentangle yourself from her. She is a professional user. In the two years you’ve known her, look how many times she’s spent her time trying to manipulate you and use you instead of doing her job. Extremely obvious.

BMW6 · 28/06/2023 17:48

She is committing Tax Evasion surely? You are not paying in ££££ and I doubt she is declaring the value of the flights for which you have paid.

Tax Evasion is a criminal offence.

Arniesleftleg · 28/06/2023 17:56

I'm sorry but she's taking you for a ride. She's seen your kindness and used it against you. It's one thing helping her to navigate the apps etc, but quite another if she's asking you to pay for her flights! Don't let your kindness be mistaken for weakness.

NumberTheory · 28/06/2023 18:25

I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with the set up you have other than it no longer working for you. I doubt she feels like she’s being cheeky, just overwhelmed living in a country where she doesn’t understand the language and has gratefully leaned on you a bit too much.

She was in a tricky situation the first few times and you seemed happy to help her (and it was nice of you to do so). She probably has no idea about how you see the arrangement if you’ve seemed friendly and okay about it. She’s just gone along with pattern, glad of it, expecting you to speak up (since, to her mind, you’re probably the one with all the power) if it doesn’t work for you anymore. And that’s what you need to do.

Also, she’s been in this country for years now, she needs to be working on her English, not just relying on others, especially as she has a family here as well. So as well as your desire to extract yourself from the expectation, I don’t think you’re doing her any favours in the long term by continuing to let her rely on you like this.

I would have a chat with her (after the cleaning is done). Explain you were helping her out the first few times, but it’s getting a bit much and you’re concerned about her inability to get by. Suggest English lessons. Personally I would be fine gong through it with her a couple more times on her time if she paid herself, but if you don’t want to do that tell her she needs to find someone else. But do it asap, not the next time she asks you expecting things to be fine because you’ve given her the impression it is.

Notmineagain · 28/06/2023 19:47

More fool you. I'm astounded people like you actually exist.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 28/06/2023 22:21

Cheeky? No.
Rinsing you because of middle class guilt? Oh yes.

ButterCrackers · 28/06/2023 22:44

Time to find a new cleaner. I’m not sure if you’ve bought her tickets that she’ll work to pay off? If so just cancel the tickets and write off the costs. Give her notice and then look for someone else to work for you.

Grimsknee · 28/06/2023 23:06

TulipCat · 26/06/2023 16:32

Is this a wind up? Surely nobody is this much of a wet lettuce?

Julia Davis mines these threads for her story ideas

Lacucuracha · 29/06/2023 00:19

She also never pays me the money as they first few times I told her that she could just work off what she owes me but I’m getting a bit fed up.

This is insane, OP.

Just sack her.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 29/06/2023 01:33

"I'm sorry but if you still can't sort it yourself you had better go back to using a travel agent."

Housecleaner asks you to just sort this one thing.
"No, I told you, call the travel agent."

Betterlatethanontime · 29/06/2023 04:00

You need to tell her you don’t have the money. This has the potential to end badly for you. She could run up a tab and disappear on you. You could get in trouble for not paying her properly. If she is up to something illegal her flight payment will be traced back to you. If she persists on this after you have said you can’t due to insufficient funds I would get your husband to sack her.

Motherbear07 · 29/06/2023 08:27

So you’re telling me, if I work for you, you will pay for a holiday for me?
She is taking the mick. And I would look for another cleaner. Not professional and taking you for a ride.
I don’t think you’re going to get the money back. She’s learnt you will keep on paying…..

fancydressjess · 29/06/2023 16:22

NumberTheory · 28/06/2023 18:25

I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with the set up you have other than it no longer working for you. I doubt she feels like she’s being cheeky, just overwhelmed living in a country where she doesn’t understand the language and has gratefully leaned on you a bit too much.

She was in a tricky situation the first few times and you seemed happy to help her (and it was nice of you to do so). She probably has no idea about how you see the arrangement if you’ve seemed friendly and okay about it. She’s just gone along with pattern, glad of it, expecting you to speak up (since, to her mind, you’re probably the one with all the power) if it doesn’t work for you anymore. And that’s what you need to do.

Also, she’s been in this country for years now, she needs to be working on her English, not just relying on others, especially as she has a family here as well. So as well as your desire to extract yourself from the expectation, I don’t think you’re doing her any favours in the long term by continuing to let her rely on you like this.

I would have a chat with her (after the cleaning is done). Explain you were helping her out the first few times, but it’s getting a bit much and you’re concerned about her inability to get by. Suggest English lessons. Personally I would be fine gong through it with her a couple more times on her time if she paid herself, but if you don’t want to do that tell her she needs to find someone else. But do it asap, not the next time she asks you expecting things to be fine because you’ve given her the impression it is.

THIS.
Set your boundaries going forward, you let this happen.
Just say you're not comfortable with it anymore/dont have time.
You don't want to pay for her flights up front anymore. You don't want to spend your time helping anymore.
IF you don't mind helping then you can help her use it (on her own phone with her own money) in her own time after her cleaning work has finished.
It's possible that the working relationship may not survive the change, and be prepared for that...

YerArseInParsley · 01/07/2023 05:35

This can't real. Surely no-one is this stupid?

If this is really happening then it needs to stop. Next time she asks for help tell her u will help her look when her shift is done if u have the time and to have her credit card ready. Tell her u can no longer fund her plane tickets. Why do u find it so hard not to be ripped off?

YerArseInParsley · 01/07/2023 05:48

Why don't u tell her as part of her employment ur going to enroll her in English classes and tell her ur also going to help her look for a computing class so she can book her own tickets.

If she asks again u can help her search but get her to do the typing with u supervising, say ur teaching her how to search and when it comes to paying say that's the bit u put in ur card details. If she says can u pay and I work it off. Just say no, that arrangement does not work for me now. If she sends u dates to book just text her back and say u are busy but if she wants to sit down and book it on ur computer after her shift u will be happy to show her how to book it. Just do that each time she asks.

Is she a good cleaner? If so there is no reason to sack her like people suggest. Its u thats put yourself in this situation.

ItsNotRocketSalad · 01/07/2023 05:55

Leo1195 · 26/06/2023 17:08

@Wendysfriend she doesn’t owe me anything as of today and the flights are not ‘free’. I usually pay her weekly so whenever I have bought her flights in the past she has just worked it off.

But you said she only worked off two of the tickets and didn't pay you for the others?

NumberTheory · 01/07/2023 06:27

ItsNotRocketSalad · 01/07/2023 05:55

But you said she only worked off two of the tickets and didn't pay you for the others?

Show quote history

I think OP meant that the cleaner doesn't offer to pay back cash any more as the first two times OP told her she could just work it off, so now she just assumes she can work it off.

Lavellan · 01/07/2023 09:59

I can't think why she would do this unless she's some level of illiterate maybe?

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