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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to actually want a husband and another child

98 replies

fairyfly · 22/02/2008 22:28

Is it that f'dd up that is my ambition?

Apparently i should focus on my career, i'm not like that, i admit it, i don't care about creer, i care about baking cakes, jam and kids.

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 22/02/2008 23:53

No, very true. But you seem to be taking offence at my post, apparently assuming them to be judgements about you as a single person/working mother who doesnt like the status quo.

The loneliest I've ever felt was when I was in the deepest darkest depths of depression. I certainly wasnt single then. I happened to be a SAHM at the time too (on maternity leave). It's not that great a leap.

Anyway.....

It's tough having a child in hospital. Really hard. Knowing you cant just fix it for them or make it go away. Not being able to make certain promises that it wont hurt, or that it wont be scary. But, this should be the end of his worries, yes?

Original poster

fairyfly · 22/02/2008 23:53

I really dont believe married wome who have never been single know what it is like to be alone. They just judge.

It's not the things you imagine, it's the paying the bills, the tidying the house, the getting your kids home and wanting to share.

It's horrid, i know it is!

OP posts:

mrsruffallo · 22/02/2008 23:54

I do like you desi

VeniVidiVickiQV · 22/02/2008 23:55

They dont all judge.

Original poster

fairyfly · 22/02/2008 23:56

if your talking to me vvq i am finding it harder with the prison thing. That is out of my ccomfort zone.

i do think it is easier with a husband thogh, i will stand by that, doesn't mean depression is any less, but my god, women would be fucked without one, and i want one

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 23/02/2008 00:03

Aww FairyFly what is important at the moment is your welfare, and your child. i am thinking about you, and bloody hell yes you have a lot going on at the mo

Desi - close your potty mouth,this isn't a sahm-working mum blah balh slug it out thread.so please don't swear, please refrain from preachy soundbites. genuineley fairyfly has got things on her mind and is distressed.

WinkyWinkola · 23/02/2008 00:04

Women do ok without husbands, surely. My mum did fine and she brought up five kids.

It is a whole lot easier with a partner though, you're right. Helping to pay, a soundboard for worries and fears etc.

Makes one think single mothers are to be praised an awful lot more for their work, surely?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 23/02/2008 00:05

oh undoubtedly my life is easier with my DH. He'd make anyones life easier. I'll not argue that at all. I am lucky to have found him, and that 12 years down the line, things have only got better. (And not worse as some threads on here have shown).

I have the utmost respect for single parents and what they do. It is very much my heritage after all.

The prison thing would be tough in a good week. There is an injuction/probation/parole conditions - yes? Any reassurance from the local constabulary?

Desiderata · 23/02/2008 00:05

Fairy, it must by very tough for you.

As a mother of four step-children, it doesn't need to be said that loving some one else's kids is difficult. Very difficult.

This all makes it hard for you, as a pre-existing mother. You can only think positively and take care of yourself, kid.

Would you like some MN magic?

mrsruffallo · 23/02/2008 00:07

firefly- i hope you don't mind but I have read a thread about the prison thing.
Are you okay?????

Original poster

fairyfly · 23/02/2008 00:10

Do you get what i mean now anyone????

I was in hospital with my son, i wanted a husband, i wanted a hug, i wanted, it will be ok babe.

With the prison bloke i wanted the same.

I have to go home and forget about me, work on........

I have to be the adult all the time, that's what a single mum is!!!!

OP posts:

mrsruffallo · 23/02/2008 00:17

I know it must be hard. Wasn't someone moving in with you tho'?

Original poster

fairyfly · 23/02/2008 00:19

I thought so, but know, i was the most careful girl ever, he doesn't want to know

shall i get my coat

OP posts:

mrsruffallo · 23/02/2008 00:24

Aww firefly, I am sorry!! it has been very hard for you lately, you poor thing.

Original poster

fairyfly · 23/02/2008 00:26

You sound like you're taking the piss, don't need that

OP posts:

mrsruffallo · 23/02/2008 00:29

I am not taking the piss. Sorry if it sounded trite, didn't mean for it to come across like that

Original poster

fairyfly · 23/02/2008 00:33

Well good, because i stand by what i say, i would love a husband and another child and all of that.

Too much to take on alone, really is.

But i will be happy tomorrow and that is fine, pretence for the world.

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 23/02/2008 00:58

fairyfly i feel exactly the same. i would so love to have another baby right now but all anyone cares about is when i am going back to uni

Original poster

fairyfly · 23/02/2008 01:14

oh i'm thinking about dropping out too na

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 23/02/2008 01:18

no, you're not unreasonable there.

i aspired to that, and now i've got it.

it's just that it's not without costs.

we're fairly poor in money and we've not got a permanent place to live as we are private renting and we know our landlords will be selling up when they come back in a year and a half.

the man who loves me for who i am and i for who he is, he's not the type of man who'll be able to support me in grand style.

and then we're not entirely sure what will happen in the near future.

but i went with what was real, and this was it for me.

if you're willing to take the good with the bad and roll with the punches, however, well then, it's all about what is here and now.

nappyaddict · 23/02/2008 01:19

what is it you do? aren't you quite far on with yours? i dropped out after only one year and as the first year doesn't count towards anything it wasn't like i'd lost anything iyswim but tbh i didn't go to much in the second semester. i think if i had been doing it longer i would have muddled through and tried to finish it so as it wasn't a complete waste. i know i should go back but i'm sort of scared to. i found it so hard i'm scared i'll go back waste all that money and find it just as hard on a different course.

nappyaddict · 23/02/2008 01:29

Firefly - i've had all those comments too!

You're young, you're beautiful of course you'll get a man

You're young why do you want to settle down and have more babies?

You should be thinking about a career and your future

You're young - you've got ages yet!

You're better off without a man - they're more trouble than they're worth (this i find the most patronising thing ever. really? so why have you got a partner then!

Original poster

fairyfly · 23/02/2008 01:32

I'm just fucked off, too much for me, too much for one woman, i was doing graphics, cant handle it

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 23/02/2008 01:36

is there anyway you could take a year or even two off and go back to it if you wanted to?

Original poster

fairyfly · 23/02/2008 01:47

nope

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