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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to actually want a husband and another child

98 replies

fairyfly · 22/02/2008 22:28

Is it that f'dd up that is my ambition?

Apparently i should focus on my career, i'm not like that, i admit it, i don't care about creer, i care about baking cakes, jam and kids.

OP posts:
nutcracker · 22/02/2008 23:11

That is true.

I am being hauled into the job centre again next week to explain why I am still not working, especially as my youngest has now started school.

Can you imagine their faces when i say, yet again 'well the reason I am not working is because I actually want to be a sahm, or at the very least be there for them before and after school and in all school holidays'.

I would bet my benefits for a year that they'd not be able to find me a job that fitted those hours anyway, but would insist on sending me for interviews for jobs I don't want, and that don't allow for the fact that I don't have a DH/P at home to pick up the balls I drop when I try and juggle too much, just to please them.

Original poster
fairyfly · 22/02/2008 23:15

and nutcracker, married wome are the worst for slagging off single women on benefits!

What would they do?

Oh not lose a man, i forget that.

Well i wish i had one, i wish i never ever had to support my kids after years and years.

If you have a husband you are allowed to do the right things by your kids and stay at home, if you're a single mum, get a job!!

Thats another subject though x

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 22/02/2008 23:17

Ah, tis the trouble with t'internet ff. You only get a snapshot

You shouldnt listen to those who arent listening to you properly.

I'd rather be a sahm too whilst DS is still at home, and then be at home when they come home from school. As it is working part time sucks.

I am fortunate enough to have DH who loves me and cares for me and is ace in all manner of respects.

There is a woman at work whose contract says she can have school holidays off and her salary is pro-rata'd over the year to cover it.

it does happen, its just finding the right company.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 22/02/2008 23:18

oi! dont start slagging off us married folk

twospecialgirls · 22/02/2008 23:18

nothing wrong with wanting that xxxx good luck with you quest xxxxx

Original poster
fairyfly · 22/02/2008 23:20

Well i have always said vvq if i ever get it mumsnet is paying for it

OP posts:
HonoriaGlossop · 22/02/2008 23:21

fairyfly, I am married and have been since ds came along but I have not had the choice to stay at home, we haven't been able to afford it! Husband and marriage does not equal staying at home, not for me anyway!

Original poster
fairyfly · 22/02/2008 23:22

oh and i'm not bi polar, as vvq thinks, shitty week, normal reaction, i thankyou

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Original poster
fairyfly · 22/02/2008 23:24

i was talking about having a husband, some love, a man who cares, see what i mean nutcracker!!!

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 22/02/2008 23:25

Anyway, off to bed with hot water bottle. Hope you feel better tomorrow, tis the weekend after all.

mrsruffallo · 22/02/2008 23:26

Some people on here go on about ad's a lot don't they?
Whenever I read a poster stating they feel a bit low its go to your gp for ad's.

WinkyWinkola · 22/02/2008 23:26

Fairyfly, I apologise, I didn't know your background.

Your reaction to a crap week is pretty normal!

Meanwhile, take great satisfaction that you're able to manage by yourself without a chap on the scene. Not sure why single mums get dissed. It's nonsensical.

Sorry to sound patronising.

Original poster
fairyfly · 22/02/2008 23:27

I do feel low, i have had a god awful week, i was scared for my son and i was scared for me, i could have done with a husband.

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Original poster
fairyfly · 22/02/2008 23:29

No its fine, this thread sums it up, if i was married i wouldn't get tld i was depressed, i would get told i had a loving husband.

OP posts:
Desiderata · 22/02/2008 23:35

Poor fairyfly. I wholeheartedly agree with your stance.

Personally, I think the world has gone totally fucking mad. We farm our kids out (I don't) from 8 in the morning till 6 at night so that we can do what, exactly?

Oh, have a career. That's the one, and be a role model for our children.

Big snort, and I think not. If everyone stopped this craziness, house values would plummet overnight. They're assessed on two people working. If you want to raise a family, two people shouldn't be working. One person should be working full time, and the other should be working part time if they want to/need to.

If your career is that important, don't have kids.

scottishmummy · 22/02/2008 23:37

FairyFly- i just wanted to say it's rotten you have had a tough week it does knock one's self esteem and feels horrible. i do hope things improve.can you have a some tlc time eg glass of wine, fave movie, quick dinner. do take care

scottishmummy · 22/02/2008 23:40

Desiderata -shockingly unhelpful judgmental comments theremany many mums work, none of your business either.by all means chose your preferences but don't necessarily project your unfounded bile onto anyone else

Original poster
fairyfly · 22/02/2008 23:40

I thought a man was going to support me, i shall get slagged off for that no doubt.

He left

I had to support myself

Don't want to, want to be a sahm, want to be a mummy

Thats it.

I am aware i am in a different field from some women, m sister for instance has a phd and sees her kids when the nanny has gone.

I dont judge that, i love that.

I am not the same though, i want to not be a single mum and i want to be sahm and i want to have dinner on the table.

We're all different

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 22/02/2008 23:41

Sorry if you think that is the case ff. Certainly wasnt. I'm very much married and on AD's. My chemical make up isnt based on my life circumstances. Happen its just how I am made ie not very well.

Sorry you've had a shit week.

So have I, shock horror. AND I'm married too . No doubt that makes me an insensitive fucker to boot. Or maybe that's just the hormones, or the mind-numbing AD's. Who knows.

I hope your DS makes a very speedy recovery. I wish him well.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 22/02/2008 23:44

Quite right too Scottishmummy. Marriage doesnt make a jot of difference as to whether you can be a sahm.

DH was let down in his childhood, he doesnt earn as much money as he'd like for me to bring up our children as we'd both like. I'm sure he feels pretty useless about the whole thing too.

Original poster
fairyfly · 22/02/2008 23:45

This thread was not an attack on married women, vvq, it was a thread about how shitty it is to be alone. I am sure it can be if your married, it wasn't a comparison. it's different.

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Original poster
fairyfly · 22/02/2008 23:49

Thankyou scottish mummy

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Desiderata · 22/02/2008 23:49

Scottishmummy ...I work too. I work when dh comes home from work, and I take jobs where ds can come with me. In an average week, I do 27 hours, and I'm a SAHM.

There's nothing shocking about it, dear. We make our choices, and we do our best.

I'm answering the OP's dilemma, and I happen to agree with her. I think that mothers should stay home with their kids until they're old enough for school. I don't personally give a fiddler's fuck whether you agree with it or not. Up until fairly recently it was the normal way to bring up a family. If you want to put a 21st century slant on it, that's up to you.

But no way in a month of leap years will I agree with you.

Original poster
fairyfly · 22/02/2008 23:49

and winko

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Original poster
fairyfly · 22/02/2008 23:50

and desi

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