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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband shouted at me in car for checking our journey

61 replies

SophieD1987 · 25/06/2023 19:48

Hi everyone,
I just wanted to get a sense check.

This lunchtime we were going to meet friends at a park about 30 minutes from where we live. Early in the morning we’d been out driving somewhere and saw a sign showing the motorway was closed between the junctions we needed.

So when we left to go to the picnic about 4 hours later my husband said he was going to drive the back route as the motorway is closed. By doing the back route it would add about 25 minutes to our journey (making us late to meet our friends).

So I brought up Google maps and saw that the journey on the motorway looked clear and implied we’d get there on time.

I mentioned this to him and he started shouting, yelled at me for interfering. Said he would go on the motorway but if we are delayed it’s on me. He carried on yelling. I started crying.

He then said: ‘I apologise BUT you were interfering and getting involved when I had figured out the journey and you were completely out of order to suggest something different.’ I told him that wasn’t a proper apology because of the BUT blaming things on me.

When we got to the park I got out of the car and walked away just to get a bit of space before we met our friends. Husband gets out and announces he will take him and our 5-year-old son home. I am not sure what he thought would happen to me as he was driving our car.

Our friends arrive and then obviously that didn’t happen.

Was I unreasonable to look up the route?

OP posts:
darkmodeon · 25/06/2023 19:49

Woah he's a nasty one OP. Take care.

FatNoMoreSue · 25/06/2023 19:50

No. He’s a prick.

Passwordsarestressful · 25/06/2023 19:50

This sounds awful. Is it a one off?

Avondale89 · 25/06/2023 19:51

He’s a horror. Sadly I’ve been in this situation in a relationship before and it didn’t get any better.
Sorry you’re having to walk on eggshells like
you are, it’s awful.

RightOnTheEdge · 25/06/2023 19:51

No you weren't being unreasonable, he's an arsehole OP.

ExtraOnions · 25/06/2023 19:52

You can look up whatever you like on your phone, and can give your opinions on what you want… you are an adult. You don’t need permission from anyone.

Tinkerbyebye · 25/06/2023 19:53

So he shouted at you in front of your child? What a great example for him

Gerrataere · 25/06/2023 19:53

That sounds horrible. Can I ask if you drive? Because the only slight excuse I can think of is if you don’t then having a non-driver interfere with your planned journey can be irritating. Not to this degree though. There was zero reason to shout like that and to threaten to leave you alone once you got there was unforgivable in my view.

ErrolTheDragon · 25/06/2023 19:54

How is giving up to date traffic information 'interfering'?Confused

A normal reaction from a DH would be, 'that's good, thanks for checking'.

Original poster
SophieD1987 · 25/06/2023 19:55

Gerrataere · 25/06/2023 19:53

That sounds horrible. Can I ask if you drive? Because the only slight excuse I can think of is if you don’t then having a non-driver interfere with your planned journey can be irritating. Not to this degree though. There was zero reason to shout like that and to threaten to leave you alone once you got there was unforgivable in my view.

Yes I drive but husband will never let me drive when he is in the car.

OP posts:
Diddykong · 25/06/2023 19:55

My dh used to try this on when he was very young (we met in our teens). I told him in no uncertain terms that he was being an utter prick and I wouldn't stand for such behaviour. He might have seen his parents talk to each other like that but it wasn't something I'd tolerate. And he did stop it. It was always car/maps/journey related.

HabberdasheryAddict · 25/06/2023 19:55

I assume this is not a one-off?
What's the back story?

Penguinsmum · 25/06/2023 19:55

Sounds like a great guy!!! Not!

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 25/06/2023 19:56

He's a bully.

LookingForFreeDoughnuts · 25/06/2023 19:56

These are not the actions of a loving partner. 😔

Afishcalledwand · 25/06/2023 19:56

He sounds like an idiot.

i find that whatever the Apple map app is to be MUCH more accurate when it comes to traffic jams caused by accidents. Often google doesn’t pick up when roads are shut

MistyFrequencies · 25/06/2023 19:56

Hes a prick. Do you want your 5 year olds model of a relationship to be one where partners treat eachother like that?
Thats terrible.

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 25/06/2023 19:58

MistyFrequencies · 25/06/2023 19:56

Hes a prick. Do you want your 5 year olds model of a relationship to be one where partners treat eachother like that?
Thats terrible.

If OP stays then her son will be yelling at her in the same tone before his teens.

Afishcalledwand · 25/06/2023 19:58

Diddykong · 25/06/2023 19:55

My dh used to try this on when he was very young (we met in our teens). I told him in no uncertain terms that he was being an utter prick and I wouldn't stand for such behaviour. He might have seen his parents talk to each other like that but it wasn't something I'd tolerate. And he did stop it. It was always car/maps/journey related.

Yes my husband thought you had to shout at each other when Road directions were involved too - learnt from his Parents. I quickly nipped that in the bud

Crikeyisthatthetime · 25/06/2023 19:58

Do you often have to watch what you say around him? Are you happy that your ds is going to think this is what a normal relationship looks like?

Gerrataere · 25/06/2023 20:04

SophieD1987 · 25/06/2023 19:55

Yes I drive but husband will never let me drive when he is in the car.

Show quote history

Never let you? I assume you spent hundreds on learning and passing like him and the rest of us who have our license? I’d never go anywhere again with this man, he’s coming over as a massive control freak.

barbarahunter · 25/06/2023 20:06

Are you happy with him, OP?

FriendsDrinkBook · 25/06/2023 20:18

Classic abusive behaviour. Trying to ruin a happy day out with his anger. He was spoiling for a fight op , and would've found a reason eventually.

Does he often spoil nice family days?

SayNoToDoorToDoor · 25/06/2023 20:22

What an horrid prick.

There was nothing that you did that was unreasonable.

Do you think he deliberately wanted to make you late by going the back way? My ex would pull this sort of shit (note the ex).

Then he yelled at you to make you cry and was going to take your son and leave you stranded. He only changed his mind as your friends arrived. Utter cock.

AfraidToRun · 25/06/2023 20:22

I had one of those. Ditched his sorry arse and found a better man.

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