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AIBU?

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Original poster

In thinking my friend has the right to change her locks?

88 replies

Moonflower12 · 25/06/2023 13:39

A friend ( let's call her Pansy) has recently split from her partner of 10+ years. He ( 'John') instigated the split.

She was unaware it was going to happen until he went to a rented flat in another town. This was 10 days ago.

Pansy owns the house outright. No mortgage and only her name on the deeds.

John wants some of his stuff back. Nothing of great value. It's sentimental.

Pansy has given him ( on text) a few convenient dates to come and collect his stuff. He has been busy on theses dates. At a festival tbh.

She has now changed the locks on the house. Is this legal? John is claiming he will bring the police and force an entry? How likely is this?

Having offered numerous dates, is it legal to put his stuff out on the drive so he can collect it at his leisure? Will she be liable in any way for it, if it's stolen or damaged?

Thank you for any help. This is stressing her out.

OP posts:
drpet49 · 25/06/2023 13:44

As it is her house and only she is on the deeds, yes she can change the locks. The ex hasn’t got a leg to stand on.

ProfessorXtra · 25/06/2023 13:47

Since they aren’t married he no longer has a right to enter the property. If they were married he would be correct.

Not sure about putting his stuff out, but if the police do attend can simply say that she offered him times to pick it up and he refused.

Beyondbelief123 · 25/06/2023 13:47

This reply has been deleted

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mindutopia · 25/06/2023 13:48

Yes, she can change the locks. Just because you have someone’s belongings inside your house doesn’t mean that person has the right to force access to your house. He is welcome to ring the police to attend while he collects his things at a mutually agreed time if he wants to though. But he can’t barge into her home without her consent.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 25/06/2023 13:50

They weren’t married, it’s her house. Yep-she can change the locks and if he forces entry she can call police for an intruder breaking and entering into her home.

Does she have an accessible garage? I’d be inclined to put his stuff in there

Original poster
Moonflower12 · 25/06/2023 13:51

@Beyondbelief123
Her real name is a flower name so that was the first thing that came to mind. Not sure how that's offensive?

OP posts:
Hoardasurass · 25/06/2023 13:51

She can change the locks but she can't just dump his stuff on the street as she will be liable for any loss or damage. She can arrange a convenient time for both of them so that he can come collect it or arrange for a 3rd party (that he is happy with) to collect it or that she can drop it off to

MaybeSmaller · 25/06/2023 13:52

As they are unmarried and the property is in her name only then no he doesn't have any automatic right to enter the house, and she can change the locks.

She does have something of a duty of care over his possessions though - she can't just leave them outside to get rained on or stolen. My suggestion would be to leave them with a mutual friend or a relative for him to collect rather than have him come to the house.

Original poster
Moonflower12 · 25/06/2023 13:53

@MrsElijahMikaelson1
Unfortunately she doesn't have a garage. Just a shed only accessible via the house.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonflower12 · 25/06/2023 13:55

@MaybeSmaller
Unfortunately they don't have any mutual friends in the vicinity that would be willing to have him come to their house. He has form for being an arse. Thank you though for the suggestion.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonflower12 · 25/06/2023 13:58

Thank you everyone for the advice.
We suspected she could change the locks but it's interesting that she liable for his stuff. I'll advise her of this.

OP posts:
specialassistance · 25/06/2023 14:00

She should send him a message saying:

"Please can you arrange for your goods to be collected at (say) 10am on Wednesday 28th June. If they aren't collected at this time then I will assume they are no longer wanted and they will be taken to a charity shop"!

ChrisPPancake · 25/06/2023 14:01

She can change the locks on her own home with no issue.

If I was her I'd give him a date and say he comes then or it all goes to the charity shop/tip, but I'm not sure on the legalities of that bit!

DemonicCaveMaggot · 25/06/2023 14:02

How much stuff are we talking about? If it isn't too much and if it is stressing her out and she doesn't want a corner of her house taken up with boxes of his stuff, it might be worth renting a storage locker for a month, putting the stuff in there, giving John the access code and leave him to get on with moving it back to his house. Obviously she shouldn't have to go to this trouble but it would get him out of her hair if he is being evasive about pick up dates.

DelphiniumBlue · 25/06/2023 14:03

He's at a festival, which will presumably end tonight. So she can offer him a couple of midweek times or a time next weekend, and he needs to let her know in advance, so that she can arrange for someone else to be present with her.
How much stuff is there? Can she not just put it a couple of boxes ? Why does it have to be immediate?
Anyway, he's moved out, he has no right to have the locks changed or forced or to enter the house at all.

Heronwatcher · 25/06/2023 14:06

She should offer a few dates, times when no one is doing much like Sunday 7-9pm, Wednesday before work. Then tell him that if he’s not collected by then she’ll assume it’s abandoned and give it to charity.

If she’s feeling especially charitable she can tell him that if he sends a taxi over she’ll give the boxes to the driver.

She can absolutely change the locks though and he 100% can’t go in there without her.

gazpachosoupday · 25/06/2023 14:24

I can only give my judge judy advice from about 15 years ago.

But basically, I think, if she gives him 30 days and then says if its not collected by this date, i shall dispose of it, that should cover her.

But you might want to post in legal for people who will know about it

Original poster
Moonflower12 · 25/06/2023 14:34

Thank you everyone. She has offered him a few times going on through this week. He hasn't replied yet to these but is clearly on the train with time to kill.
She has taken on board the advice about her liabilities towards the stuff. It is quite bulky and heavy- some of it. Fingers crossed he is sensible and agrees to a date for collecting it.

He is also demanding she returns the engagement ring he bought her. Can she keep it as it was a 'gift'?

OP posts:
UndercoverCop · 25/06/2023 14:37

Yes she can keep the ring, not sure why she would want to in the circumstances though.

StrawberryWater · 25/06/2023 14:39

Moonflower12 · 25/06/2023 14:34

Thank you everyone. She has offered him a few times going on through this week. He hasn't replied yet to these but is clearly on the train with time to kill.
She has taken on board the advice about her liabilities towards the stuff. It is quite bulky and heavy- some of it. Fingers crossed he is sensible and agrees to a date for collecting it.

He is also demanding she returns the engagement ring he bought her. Can she keep it as it was a 'gift'?

Give it back.

Why would she want to keep hold of an engagement ring from a man who is acting like a complete and utter twat? Just give him his stuff back and be done with him. Or does she just like the drama?

DrManhattan · 25/06/2023 14:40

Change the locks. Take the stuff to a charity shop. What proof does he have that it was in her house? She could just say he came and got it. Her word against his.

AdobeWanKenobi · 25/06/2023 14:44

DrManhattan · 25/06/2023 14:40

Change the locks. Take the stuff to a charity shop. What proof does he have that it was in her house? She could just say he came and got it. Her word against his.

Yes, what could possibly go wrong with that suggestion…

BiscuitsandPuffin · 25/06/2023 14:46

gazpachosoupday · 25/06/2023 14:24

I can only give my judge judy advice from about 15 years ago.

But basically, I think, if she gives him 30 days and then says if its not collected by this date, i shall dispose of it, that should cover her.

But you might want to post in legal for people who will know about it

Judge Judy is American. They have different laws.

gazpachosoupday · 25/06/2023 14:48

BiscuitsandPuffin · 25/06/2023 14:46

Judge Judy is American. They have different laws.

Show quote history

I am well aware, I am also aware that the law has changed over the last 15 years.

But unlike some posters, who just jump in with this is a fact, I like to give my source and how shit it might be

dawnc27 · 25/06/2023 14:50

keep the ring, sell it and use money to pay for new locks

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