In thinking my friend has the right to change her locks?

[Moonflower12]

A friend ( let's call her Pansy) has recently split from her partner of 10+ years. He ( 'John') instigated the split.

She was unaware it was going to happen until he went to a rented flat in another town. This was 10 days ago.

Pansy owns the house outright. No mortgage and only her name on the deeds.

John wants some of his stuff back. Nothing of great value. It's sentimental.

Pansy has given him ( on text) a few convenient dates to come and collect his stuff. He has been busy on theses dates. At a festival tbh.

She has now changed the locks on the house. Is this legal? John is claiming he will bring the police and force an entry? How likely is this?

Having offered numerous dates, is it legal to put his stuff out on the drive so he can collect it at his leisure? Will she be liable in any way for it, if it's stolen or damaged?

Thank you for any help. This is stressing her out.

@dawnc27
That was her plan if it was ok to keep it. To sell it and use the money to pay the bills he'd run up with the electricity company.

Yes she can keep the ring as it was a gift. I think legally there can be a grey area, when it is a family heirloom, if this is the case she should tell him he has to buy it back off her.

https://www.daslaw.co.uk/blog/if-your-engagement-ends-badly-who-gets-the-ring#:~:text=In%20broad%20terms%2C%20an%20engagement,have%20to%20be%20given%20back.

I’d change the locks and bin off his stuff in the nearest skip, to be honest.

If he tried to sue, I’d make a counter claim for various non existent debts he owed me and let the courts decide. 🤷🏻‍♀️

About twenty years ago when my ex left (affair) I chucked most of his stuff, changed the locks and re-mortgaged the property in my name within about a fortnight of him leaving. When he later turned up to collect his stuff (what was left), his face was a picture of shock as I’d already re-painted the rooms downstairs and the house looked very different.

I think he thought I’d be sitting there teary eyed begging him to come back. He did try to say he’d made a mistake and I just agreed with him as I closed the door. 🥳

Yes change the locks, I would do it now

regarding the ring I would say it’s mine, however if you want it back you need to pay me xxxx for the electricity bill you ran up, otherwise 8 will sell the ring to recoup the money to pay it

Are you Pansy?

@PrincessHoneysuckle

No, 'Pansy'is a honestly a friend. I've known her for about 10 years and 'John' for about 35 years. I met her through him. I knew him, growing up together. He's always been a bit of an arse.

Thank you for the information regarding the ring. It's not a family heirloom. It was bought for 'Pansy'.

In her position I'd advise him to call the police. What does she think they'll do, when they show up with him, and she says 'Yes, I've been trying to get him to collect this stuff for weeks, is he taking it now?'

This.

Also tell her to log with 101 his threats towards her.

Definitely tell her to keep and sell the ring.

I would say he could have the ring back when he paid the electricity bill.

It's unlikely that the Police will dedicate manpower to a stroppy middleaged wanker who's demanding they provide him with a personal removals service. They're supposed to be there for people at very real risk of domestic violence when collecting their possessions, not the likes of him.

I'd just say 'Your stuff will be outside at x o'clock on y day. If you do not collect it at that point, I am not responsible for what happens to it'. And then he can either collect it or not. She doesn't need to answer the door to him, she doesn't have to speak to him and she certainly doesn't have to give him the ring. In fact, what with his threats to break into her house, if he does turn up and kick off, it wouldn't be unreasonable for her to call the police on him for his threatening/aggressive behaviour. Or if he does attempt to break in.

After all, even if he does sue (which will cost him money, whereas making threats doesn't), the chances of a judge saying more than 'but you had plenty of opportunities to collect your property, she isn't Big Yellow Storage, you know' is pretty remote - some warped Pink Floyd LPs, an out of tune Guitar that's only ever been used to play Wonderwall badly and his Fifa 86 Panini Sticker Book with Diego Maradona missing from the line up isn't exactly high value items.

I wouldn't get into bargaining with a known twat.

If she wants the bills paid, she can sell her ring. If he wants his stuff back, he can come by a set date or Pansy will be getting legal counsel.

Pansy is not the victim here. She's got his stuff. She's got the ring. All he's got is a fictitious police officer without a leg to stand on.

Go, Pansy, I'd say. Run with it.

Is any of his stuff valuable? If not, chuck it out. It would cost him more in legal fees than he could claim in compensation.

And if any authorities show up, any time, with or without him, all she's got to say is 'Yes! Take the stuff, please!' and his case falls flat. They break in when they think someone's being hurt, not when John's left his playstation controller and a pack of fags at his exes house.

@Watchkeys 🤣💪

Depending on her domicile she might not be able to keep the ring as it can be seen as a gift conditional on marriage.

get proper advice

That's a good point. UK, OP?

Of course the police will do this - its to prevent a breech of the peace, which is a crime. They will expect you to exhaust all other avenues first though, and they can't guarantee they'll turn up at the prearranged time incase something obviously more serious crops up.

The police made suggestions of.... Dropping it off at a relatives house. Meeting in a public place such as a supermarket carpark. Having a taxi drop it off, which he books and pays for in advance if he doesn't want you to know his new address.

The big problem is though, getting him to actually communicate over this. If he's not even acknowledging attempts at contact it's impossible. Could she just go round and dump it on his doorstep, ring the bell and retreat until she sees he's in?

To clarify - its only when there's a risk of one party kicking off that the police would turn up, but I don't know how they would qualify that.

The police won't come to John's aid unless Pansy attacks him. The police won't come to Pansy's aid unless he attacks (or they have record of him previously attacking) Pansy.

They don't escort people through the process of dividing stuff up after a relationship breakdown, in case someone gets upset.

Pansy would do well to report John's threat of bringing the police to the police.

That’s very strange advice, why complicate things further with lies and nonsense.

She should just give him his stuff back including the ring and start afresh. If he wants his stuff then he’ll make time.

Yes she can It's her name on the deeds and he can only be there if you invite him in, just as he has to leave
The police wouldn't come just because he asked
They would come if he wouldn't leave
You have been more than reasonable giving him dates to collect. You have the right to throw it in the garden too!

The problem with the taking the stuff to his new address is that we only know he is in his home town. Only known since he posted a photo of his new view and I recognised a local landmark. I also grew up there. My DH has analysed the photo and ones roughy where he is but not accurately enough to drop it off.

I meant she not you sorry