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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex partner and kids

57 replies

MumofLandD · 25/06/2023 10:46

Ex has kids half the time. DS (12) has a tracker on his phone. He also has end of year exams and has some anxiety around going to school mainly on Monday mornings.
Have seen this morning that ex and kids were out until gone midnight last night (Dd is 9) and DS has his sport this morning early.
So of course when ex drops the kids his evening they will be super tired and cranky and DS will.probably be anxious going to school tomorrow morning.
I'm all.for being out til midnight- just do it when you don't have the kids. Go home.earlier when you have them.
For context they were at at ex friends who I fell out with when we split up because I had had enough of ex's emotional abuse (calling me mental, controlling, that I should be.locked up and medicated) and she told me that she was a nice person and could see both sides of a story and helped him find a flat to rent.

OP posts:
Original poster
MumofLandD · 25/06/2023 15:32

As in AIBU to be annoyed at this?

OP posts:
ForensicFlossy · 25/06/2023 15:57

YABU for tracking the kids when they are with their dad. How would you feel if he did that to you?

OneTwoThreeShake · 25/06/2023 15:59

YABU. You shouldn't be tracking them.

batmansbike · 25/06/2023 16:01

You shouldn't track them. I know it's hard but it's invading his privacy.

Screwballs · 25/06/2023 16:02

You are spying on your kids in their dad's time and trying to weaponise it?! Not to mention it's 50/50 so he has the same parental rights that you do, ie he doesn't need bloody permission. I assume part of your problem is who he was with given that said friend dared to sit on the fence rather than pick a side. Ohhhh dear, this doesn't reflect well on you at all OP. Not at all.

Podcats · 25/06/2023 16:03

It is very controlling to be tracking where they are when they are not in your care. There is nothing wrong with kids of this age being up past midnight occasionally at the weekend. And it is absolutely fine to have different rules in different homes. Please don't exacerbate your child's anxiety by bringing this up as an issue. Conflict of this kind causes children way more anxiety than an occasional late night.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/06/2023 16:03

Yabu for tracking the kids when they are at their dads.

Yabu for being annoyed that they were out til midnight on a Saturday night, maybe it was a party or something?

Curtains70 · 25/06/2023 16:05

You're being ridiculous

UndercoverCop · 25/06/2023 16:06

YABU for tracking them in this situation and YABU complaining going out on a Saturday night will affect school Monday morning! Are they never meant to go to a party/wedding etc?

Original poster
MumofLandD · 25/06/2023 16:13

Oh wow.
1.) The tracker is on my son's phone because my son asked for it to be on there so she can see where I am.
2.) My ex knows it is on his phone so can also see where I am if he was to look as DS's phone
3.) I do not routinely track where he is when he is at his dad's, there was a notification on my phone when I got up this morning saying 'DS arrived at Ex's at 00.35'
4.) I would never mention this to DS or even ex

OP posts:
ForensicFlossy · 25/06/2023 16:20

MumofLandD · 25/06/2023 16:13

Oh wow.
1.) The tracker is on my son's phone because my son asked for it to be on there so she can see where I am.
2.) My ex knows it is on his phone so can also see where I am if he was to look as DS's phone
3.) I do not routinely track where he is when he is at his dad's, there was a notification on my phone when I got up this morning saying 'DS arrived at Ex's at 00.35'
4.) I would never mention this to DS or even ex

None of this makes it acceptable to track your dc when they are with their dd.

ForensicFlossy · 25/06/2023 16:21

MumofLandD · 25/06/2023 16:13

Oh wow.
1.) The tracker is on my son's phone because my son asked for it to be on there so she can see where I am.
2.) My ex knows it is on his phone so can also see where I am if he was to look as DS's phone
3.) I do not routinely track where he is when he is at his dad's, there was a notification on my phone when I got up this morning saying 'DS arrived at Ex's at 00.35'
4.) I would never mention this to DS or even ex

None of this makes it acceptable to track your dc when they are with their dd.

Original poster
MumofLandD · 25/06/2023 16:24

ForensicFlossy · 25/06/2023 16:21

None of this makes it acceptable to track your dc when they are with their dd.

Show quote history

Like I said, I don't track them. A notification came up on my phone.
I'm not sitting there watching where they are constantly when they are with him. Jeepers.

OP posts:
Pkhsvd · 25/06/2023 16:26

If it’s a one off I think you’re over reacting; yes unfortunately you get the rubbish side of them having fun which feels unfair but there’s no harm to them of having what hopefully was a fun evening out.

Original poster
MumofLandD · 25/06/2023 16:29

Pkhsvd · 25/06/2023 16:26

If it’s a one off I think you’re over reacting; yes unfortunately you get the rubbish side of them having fun which feels unfair but there’s no harm to them of having what hopefully was a fun evening out.

Thank you.
Yes perhaps I am over reacting.
Thanks for not having a go at me

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 25/06/2023 16:33

Technically your tracking the phone and what is the point in a tracker if you turn it off 50% of the time? I hate this bullshit honestly my ex screamed at ds for having a tracker on his phone he flipped shit at me so I said fine agree that you will replace the phone should it become lost or stolen on "your time" or leave the dam app alone he said THAT was an Unreasonable ask like I've got money to piss around and waste on phones I refused to take it off he told everyone he could I was stalking him....he had his children a couple of hours a week 😒 🙄

jeaux90 · 25/06/2023 16:34

My DD14 and I have a tracker Life 360 so I can see when the coach is almost back in town from school etc.

Not sure why people are having a go, it just notifies you when they leave places etc

I think you are overreacting a bit, it sounds like an exception on a beautiful summer evening.

TheSnowyOwl · 25/06/2023 16:35

As annoying as it is, when it’s his time he gets to parent them as he sees fit. I think it is late and can appreciate the impact for school on Monday but sometimes we do have things we want to do or that come up which result in a late night.

Screwballs · 25/06/2023 16:39

Pkhsvd · 25/06/2023 16:26

If it’s a one off I think you’re over reacting; yes unfortunately you get the rubbish side of them having fun which feels unfair but there’s no harm to them of having what hopefully was a fun evening out.

She doesnt though, it's 50/50, presumably they go to dad's tired on the every other Sunday after they've "had fun" at mums, assuming that's allowed.

Screwballs · 25/06/2023 16:41

She's already made it clear her real problem is that they were at dad's friend who didn't role over supporting her when they split up. That's all this is about.

Screwballs · 25/06/2023 16:41

And it wasn't just a notification was it OP, otherwise you wouldn't have seen where they'd been, you'd only have known they'd got home. Stop back tracking and stop stalking your ex.

Original poster
MumofLandD · 25/06/2023 16:44

Screwballs · 25/06/2023 16:41

And it wasn't just a notification was it OP, otherwise you wouldn't have seen where they'd been, you'd only have known they'd got home. Stop back tracking and stop stalking your ex.

Wow just wow.
I think you've made your feelings clear.

OP posts:
Pkhsvd · 25/06/2023 17:07

@Screwballs you’re making assumptions there when you don’t know and I try not to default to attacking people on here

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/06/2023 17:13

Turn off push notifications for the app

Screwballs · 25/06/2023 17:15

Pkhsvd · 25/06/2023 17:07

@Screwballs you’re making assumptions there when you don’t know and I try not to default to attacking people on here

I'm not making assumptions. She knows where they have been but then said she only got a notification to say they were home. She is minimising because she didn't get the answer she wanted.