Page 3 | Ex partner and kids

MumofLandD · 2023-06-25T09:46:22+00:00

Ex has kids half the time. DS (12) has a tracker on his phone. He also has end of year exams and has some anxiety around going to school mainly on Monday mornings. Have seen this morning that ex and kids were out until gone midnight last night (Dd is 9) and DS has his sport this morning early. So of course when ex drops the kids his evening they will be super tired and cranky and DS will.probably be anxious going to school tomorrow morning. I'm all.for being out til midnight- just do it when you don't have the kids. Go home.earlier when you have them. For context they were at at ex friends who I fell out with when we split up because I had had enough of ex's emotional abuse (calling me mental, controlling, that I should be.locked up and medicated) and she told me that she was a nice person and could see both sides of a story and helped him find a flat to rent.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 25/06/2023 21:37

I think you have to accept that exes friends only see their nice side and have never been close enough to witness emotional abuse- I find it difficult too that my exes friends are still his friends after how he treated me ('can't they see what a nasty bastard he is!') but if he's nice enough to them then they have no incentive to cut him off for the sake of someone they don't know. I wouldn't hold it against that friend, even though I really know how frustrating it is.

Coming home late- perhaps you can discuss reasonable bedtimes but I wouldn't admit to the tracker or bring it up it sounds to stalky. I would totally put one on my child phone too though when he's old enough! Xx

CheekyHobson · 25/06/2023 21:49

Just came on to say my DS is fine, not even tired ha ha ha.

Setting aside whether you “should” turn off your son’s tracker when he’s with his dad because it seems like an invasion of privacy to some people (I personally think it’s perfectly fine to know where your 12-year-old is when he’s not with you and would have zero problem with my ex knowing where I take the kids and when), can you see that your anxiety and annoyance about the situation was unnecessary, and was fueled by you making assumptions and projecting your feelings about things unrelated to your son onto the information you received through the tracker?

That’s not healthy for you and has potential to affect your relationship with your son. I think it’s worth reflecting on whether it’s better for your own peace of mind to turn off the tracker when your DS is with his dad, at least until you can feel more detached from what his father is doing and with whom.

Original poster

MumofLandD · 25/06/2023 21:55

CheekyHobson · 25/06/2023 21:49

Just came on to say my DS is fine, not even tired ha ha ha.

Setting aside whether you “should” turn off your son’s tracker when he’s with his dad because it seems like an invasion of privacy to some people (I personally think it’s perfectly fine to know where your 12-year-old is when he’s not with you and would have zero problem with my ex knowing where I take the kids and when), can you see that your anxiety and annoyance about the situation was unnecessary, and was fueled by you making assumptions and projecting your feelings about things unrelated to your son onto the information you received through the tracker?

That’s not healthy for you and has potential to affect your relationship with your son. I think it’s worth reflecting on whether it’s better for your own peace of mind to turn off the tracker when your DS is with his dad, at least until you can feel more detached from what his father is doing and with whom.

Thank you for this.
I agree with you totally. I have just finished 6 weeks of CBT for anxiety and catastrophising and I can see that today has been part of that.

OP posts:

Original poster

MumofLandD · 25/06/2023 21:59

Just to be clear- the ex friend was my friend not my ex.partners friend.
And the emotional.abuse (name calling and worse) was from the ex not my friend, which is why we split up. I got strong and asked him to leave. My friend took his side the day she decided to not to believe what I told her he had been doing.
I'm not looking at this post anymore now as I have found it quite upsetting to be honest when I just asked for opinions not a character assassination. I've been through that with the ex.

OP posts:

CheekyHobson · 25/06/2023 22:35

You mean the ex-friend who called OP controlling and unbalanced? 🤔

The friend didn’t say this, her ex who the friend calls “a nice guy” did.

CheekyHobson · 25/06/2023 22:35

Whoops, left that sitting half-written too long!

Sometimeswinning · 25/06/2023 23:06

MumofLandD · 25/06/2023 21:59

Just to be clear- the ex friend was my friend not my ex.partners friend.
And the emotional.abuse (name calling and worse) was from the ex not my friend, which is why we split up. I got strong and asked him to leave. My friend took his side the day she decided to not to believe what I told her he had been doing.
I'm not looking at this post anymore now as I have found it quite upsetting to be honest when I just asked for opinions not a character assassination. I've been through that with the ex.

Honestly, irl people would say just turn off your tracker. No one would be as nasty as some of the posters on here. AIBU is usually harsh but most comments on here are just people trying to be funny or for some reason kick someone when they're down.

Don't let it get to you. As long as you don't mention it to your son or ex be as mad about it as you want! But for your wellbeing Id recommend turning it off.