To ask why there are so many kids with mental health problems?

[Newmama29]

I’ve been scrolling through some threads recently & I find people are talking a lot about their kids/teenagers having mental health problems. Why is this so prominent now? I, myself, was only a teenager 10 years ago so I am baffled as to how many people claim their teens have mental health problems. Is it just that we talk about it more or is society causing this?

@Sirzy indeed.

My grandfather was hugely fucked up by it - he wasn't a charmer to begin with but was much more abusive afterwards by all accounts. The family was suitably messed up by it all and you can see it in all the dynamics today.

My husband's grandfather survived the holocaust, which also fucked him sideways from what we've heard (unsurprisingly). His entire "family" is packed with messed-up people who have been no-contact with each other for decades - we have nothing to do with any of them either.

But no, apparently both of those men would be proof of the good old days

Thinking about it, I should add to my list up thread that we're still seeing intergenerational trauma from those wars.

@SomePeopleAreNice i have never once said that mental health issues don’t exist, I just want to understand the prevalence in the younger generation. I don’t believe everyone has low resilience but I do believe SOME people do. That includes my colleagues. I have colleagues that have been off long term sick for something far less than the person that comes into work the next day, but how someone copes with something is not my business. Also, adults with mental health issues can have different factors than children. Adults have more responsibilities (financial, relationships, job pressures etc) than kids do which can exacerbate any issues they’re suffering from.

This thread was about the change in society that has increased mental health problems & what the causes are. People can say I’m being judgemental but I’m genuinely not, I have an interest in this.

A variety of things have added to it- the internet and social media, kids having less social interactions in person as a result, screens taking over real life meet ups etc. Also junk food and poor diet doesn’t help.

However, I do believe that society has become over the top with diagnosing people with things and that children and teens aren’t taught resilience or made to understand that some emotions are totally normal and everyone feels them from time to time. So the child who is anxious about standing up in class and reading (which I hated as a kid), becomes a child who suffers from ‘anxiety’. A kid who is fidgety in class must have ADHD, a kid who is hormonal and has mood swings is depressed.
Over awareness is not always a good thing and a lot of parents use the label of mental health because it explains what they maybe feel deep down is a failure of parenting on their part and a label almost diminishes their responsibility.

As a secondary school teacher with almost 30 years' experience:

• social media doesn't help. Kids don't have a "safe space" away from bullies
• a chronic lack of funding for specialist help in all areas - CAMHS, schools, NHS etc.
• school budgets being pared to the bone so no staff available to talk to as they are re-deployed into covering absences/lack of specialist teachers
• the cost of living crisis. Kids worry about their parents. This happened a lot in 2020 too
• the Ukraine war. Kids worry about "what if it happened here?"
• climate change. Look at how many turned out for the climate strikes.

I don't think it's just one of the above. I think it's an accumulation of some/many.

My DS is 16. We are currently navigating our way through a very tricky situation involving the police. Throughout all of this I am surprised how well he is coping with the relentlessness of it and we have only had one instance when it got on top of him and he cried.

Factors I think that help. He is an only child so gets 100% of our support. He has a very good social group and his mates are with him at all times. Social media has been absolutely vile but we talk about it. We talk to him regularly. We eat dinner together most evenings round the table. I worked part-time up until a couple of years ago so was able to be there around school.

Things that i believehave made a difference.

Parents that are together so no parental conflict/different parenting styles.
As a baby / toddler there were firm boundaries and he was told no.
His phone was restricted when younger and on a school night had to be left downstairs.
I still spot check his phone - he knows I do it as I still pay for it.
I know where he is through find my iPhone.
He is lucky enough to have a part time job - this keeps him busy, and also improves his social skills and teaches him the value of money.
Through lockdown he had a full timetable so continued to have structure.

Sometimes it is purely genetics - some children just cope better with what life has thrown at them. They have solid families, solid friendship groups and they just get on.

I never take his mental wellbeing for granted as our shit is still going on but I feel for all families when their children desperately need mental health support and it is not there.

Sorry for long post!

Do you think there's an element of learnt behaviour?
You and both your kids

Do you think there's an element of ignorance?
Just you?
@widowtwankywashroom

Yes. This is a big thing. It’s work ethic. But also realising there’s more to life than school. There’s a world out there where the bullshit of school doesn’t matter. That the crap we are expected to put up with at school doesn’t all transfer to work and life.

I'm in my 50s and when I was young anorexia was rife

There is no support anymore for MH so kids that could have had help early are being left to crisis point before help is offered.

And I agree with @worzel

Don't judge until you have lived a year in someone l
Else's shoes.

If I know now what I knew when mine were babies then I'd have done some things differently. Hindsight and ignorance are both wonderful and terrible things.

"no one in my year went through ‘school refusal’ etc … what was the difference between then and now?"

School refusal happened when I was at school in the 80s but back then no one cared that anyone was missing school.

Mainly that we're more aware of it. But some things may contribute: greater insecurity and uncertainty (economic and otherwise); later age of economic independence; the stress of Covid; the fact that social media makes it harder to escape from bullying.

Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and other areas of the net should probably be treated like gambling websites, where you need to prove you are of adult years in order to access them. The current model simply doesn’t work and is on no way conducive to happy young people in turn becoming happy adults. Though of course it will never happen as advertising to under 18s be it in the form of products, music videos or influencers is worth multiple billions - before you even consider they are simultaneously being brainwashed into
consumption patterns and an outlook which accompany them through their whole adult life. So it’s basically worth trillions.

Aren’t all teenagers a bit fucking crazy? It’s part of the course with all those hormones going nuts. They don’t all have MH issues, they’re just developing.

Also schools are too pressured. School in the 80s
Clever. Did a levels. Might go to uni if super clever
Mid range GCSEs. Get a job maybe college
Vocational cses. Go college get a job

We have literally NO pressure

We Fuck up. Our problem

No talk of uni every one feeling they have to go
No huge debt if you did go
No talk of GCSEs being your ticket through life
No attendance awards
No comparison to other local schools achievement wise
No social media making any bullying come home.

Obviously there are many other factors but the way schools are now is amazing any kid comes out unscathed.

The terminology has changed.
I got upset, angry, miserable. Now, I'd have "a mental health problem".

This is very true.

Societal pressure to "achieve" especially with regard to exam results.

I think it is as much more diagnosis, recognition and acceptance than in my generation (I’m 43), but then when you think about that it means they, in turn may have to deal with undiagnosed parents!!!

I do think so many points above have truth to them- that we baby kids more, tell them way too much for their ages and give them so much choice we’re actually overloading them instead of helping them, then my god, screens- they’re just like a mh killer in your pocket!! Also excercise now is more regulated and less of the freedom to just run about and have fun!

So no one answer but it is scary- I have 4 sons and one gets very very sad ‘for no reason’ (his words), and the other we’re trying to figure out whether he gets too angry. There is a big history of depression in his family, but also stress and heart issues so we need to figure it out, addd to this as in my family and life is interesting!!!

You can weed out the ones whose children are still young and those who were lucky enough for their teenagers not to be affected. They lack understanding, empathy and are utterly convinced "not my kid because I taught them resilience".

I also taught my children resilience. I was strict but fair, I did not give in to them, pander to their every little whim, I have never gone down to the school complaining, I have always taught them to stand up for themselves and others and I have also taught them that not everything goes their way and sometimes shit things happen and you have to take it on the chin. They went through the usual up and downs and disappointments, trials and tribulations of being a teen with little problem and they grew up confident, articulate and strong.

4 kids, all brought up the same way in the same house with the same parents and the same rules. 3 of them are fine and absolutely thriving and one most certainly is not. She was diagnosed with a pretty serious mental health issue having tried to manage on her own for months without telling anyone BECAUSE of judgement of people like you. " I suppose all teenagers feel like this, I didn't want to worry you". No Love, not all teenagers battle with self harm and intrusive thoughts and don't want to be here anymore but some do and they need to get help and not be told they are fucking WEAK.

The funny thing is my daughter who struggles is my most resilient child of all because she gets up and fights every day of her life just to exist and that is before she does all the other things that are expected of her, her siblings and every other teenager out there. She battles daily and is the strongest person I know, there is nothing weak about her.

This thread has some very ignorant, nasty and downright arsehole comments. All from people with no experience, no knowledge and "it won't happen to me" attitude.

Everything was ok in my house, until it wasn't. Everyone was ok until they weren't. It blindsided me and my world was turned upside down. Don't think it cannot or will not happen to you because you are "parenting better". Life has a funny way of changing on a dime. I hope you remember this thread then and how you blamed parents for raising weak children which honestly is one of the nastiest comments I have ever seen on here.

I didn't say or infer that you didn't think mental health issues exist 🤷🏻‍♀️

What I was showing was that awareness and reporting of MH issues have increased across the board. Why are you 'baffled' about teens but not about the huge numbers of your co-workers who take time off work for MH issues.
It shows a lack of awareness that you think 'adult' worries are more worthy of causing MH issues than 'teen' worries. There is always going to be people in a far worse situation than you. There are people in the world starving and living in unimaginable circumstances but that doesn't mean that someone's stresses in the UK are unimportant.

Definitely this.

There is no opportunity to learn conflict resolution in age appropriate ways either. Everything is labelled as bullying whether it is or not so parents jump in lest their child be upset that someone doesn't want to play with them.

Then there is the obsession with labelling every emotion. I would argue that the bigger problem is with adults. Every second person on MN has 'anxiety' or 'MH issues' Not to mention the dr shopping to find the diagnosis of the issue they feel they have. Does anyone think children are going to remain unaffected by this?

There seemed to be plenty of angsty teens when I was a teen. Writing shite poety, dressing as goths, smoking pot and being angry with the world....for example.

I got the impression from my kids when they were teens that they and their friends were all a lot more sensible and hard working than when I was a teen.

This. Everything teens have now is artificial

No.
I asked a question.
It just strikes me as that this is something you should consider.
Have your children modelled your behaviour.

Give over with the lack of resilience rubbish. 🙄Todays teens are coping with an awful lot more than previous teens and actually those who suffer the most are the most resilient as they drag themselves through society and are coping and living with more than many of us will ever experience.

I think the world is more depressing and worrying and phones are catastrophically damaging. Education is dire now too and support for youngsters is almost non existent thanks to this government. It doesn’t get dealt with early on then backs up and gets worse. I think neurodiversity also has a lot to do with it as todays society is hugely damaging for any neurodiversity but it can’t be escaped. I also think

There are few schools that never tell children No, or that they're wrong. If anything, the emphasis on regular testing forces teachers to judge children's answers and actions as right or wrong from a very early stage.

What has changed is the abolition of corporal punishment, but that is a good thing.

It may be relevant that pupils stay at school a lot longer than in the past. School leaving age was raised from 15 to 16 in the 1970s, and for a while after that, the less academically able pupils often did not take formal exams, and were often ignored if they 'bunked off' during their last year. Nowadays, pupils are expected to be in formal education and taking some sort of exams until 18. And there are far fewer jobs that people can do without some sort of qualifications.

Therefore in the past, many young people who were highly anxious about school/ exams/ bullying 'voted with their feet' at 16. And so did many bullies and disruptive pupils. So mental health problems were less likely to show up at school- because many with such problems left school as early as possible.