To ask why there are so many kids with mental health problems?

[Newmama29]

I’ve been scrolling through some threads recently & I find people are talking a lot about their kids/teenagers having mental health problems. Why is this so prominent now? I, myself, was only a teenager 10 years ago so I am baffled as to how many people claim their teens have mental health problems. Is it just that we talk about it more or is society causing this?

OK perhaps I misread your earlier comment when you said the ones on the waiting list are really quite ill.

I was just pointing lots of people are awaiting some form of ND diagnosis but they aren't ill. It's not something you recover from so to speak. A difference isn't a illness. But yes of course ND individuals can also have mental health issues.

Dotjones · Today 08:54
Loads of reasons, a few spring immediately to mind:

1. There are so many parents with mental health problems. It spirals generation by generation. As a species we have reached the point where we are devolving rather than evolving - negative traits (in terms of survival of the fittest) are not eliminated.
2. Awareness and diagnosys are better.
3. The cult of the child - it's easier for a parent to put their child's bad behaviour down to them having mental health problems than it is to accept that they have raised them badly.
4. It's fashionable. Mental health used to have much more of a stigma attached to it than it does now. It's similar to the explosion in children who are transgender or homosexual - 20 or 30 years ago they barely existed, even less so openly, because there was a stigma.

The reasons that have caused more mental health issues are not all bad in themselves, e.g. awareness and diagnosys, but they inevitably lead to a greater prevalance (or perception of it).

There's a lot of truth in this.

I hadn't considered the 'fashionable' factor, but I think you're right. That's not to trivialise serious mental illness, but yes, there's a downside to being totally open-house about MH - it will inevitably get trotted out when it's not really the case.

With some people there can be a tendency to think that they have a right to be shielded from any minor stress or pressure which is basically just normal life: exams, interviews, academic assignments/deadlines, meeting new people, going to a new school, having injections and other medical procedures etc etc. Not saying these things aren't stressful - just that we all have to get on with it - it's just life, and a lot better than the horrors of the past in terms of ill-health and life-opportunities.

And a lot (not in all cases) of lazy parenting.

Sorry - just picking up on a point made by Dotjones above:

Quite often on MN you'll get an OP complaining that they're going to a wedding and ...horrors...they are going to be seated next to people they don't know. This is portrayed as a terrible imposition and a trigger for anxiety, not the perfectly normal social encounter that it is.

I've been in loads of situations socially where this is the case - big dinners, weddings, parties where the host has deliberately mixed guests up. Yes, as in introvert it is a little stressful but I never knew you were allowed to moan about it till I came on MN! To me, it's a normal expectation or are we supposed to just socialise with people we already know?

Only mentioning this as something I've only seen in recent years as an eg of people thinking they should never be put outside their comfort zone.

Knowing how to parent vs lazy parenting

It’s a thin line between the two.
I was parented poorly, but I was surrounded with friends who were parented properly and could see how I wanted to parent

The lazier tag isn’t supported by the data which finds that parents nowadays spend a lot more time and effort on their children than previous generations did.

I was a teen 10 years ago and I'd say a lot of my friends had some major issues that would have benefitted from treatment or therapy. They just didn't get it and bottled it all up and pushed it down.

Now they're all in therapy as adults instead.

I do agree with that. When I look at friends teen children. They actively want to be in the family unit, go on days out, go on family holidays.

I was trying to avoid any of that at all costs and mostly, so were my friends.

Christ is the reason?

Social media. Both from perspective of teens self perception, unrealistic goals etc, but also impacting parents views and expectations of their own kids. The internet is also just a huge echo chamber which i think amplifies anxiety about things like the environment, health issues, the economy etc.

Too much screen time generally

Poor diet

Not enough exercise

Parenting that doesn't impose enough clear boundaries and consequences

@Dotjones
Elements of your post are really insulting to those of us that have a teen or child
With Mh issues.

Dont judge us till you have walked in our shoes

I've just had time now to come back to this thread. @WeeWillyWinkie9 , where is your understanding/ compassion?
OP -hope you're ok? Please ignore all the insensitive posts and concentrate on the positive ones.
I've only been posting on Mumsnet for 4 weeks and I'm shocked at some of the nasty, down right horrible replies! Hope you have a good day and take care xx

Well I suppose a lack of belief in a higher power may be part of the problem.

When I was a teenager I was very very shy and became depressed due to lack of friendship etc. I was also an easy target for bullies, being very quiet. No one helped me. I don't really hear about 'shy' teenagers anymore, I suppose they are all called people with social anxiety? I suppose it means they're entitled to help, whereas in my day I just had to get on with it and suffer.

Who is this aimed at ?

I think most teenagers go through a depressed and anxious stage tbh, I know I did and my peers did too. It isn’t unusual with the hormones and body changes to feel like shite most of the time. I think we’re too quick to stick labels on completely normal feelings.

Your parents are stressed from having to work two or three jobs. Adult responsibilities look unmanageable. Society seems to be porn soaked. Social media portrays a lifestyle you can only dream of and a huge amount of pressure to conform. Its no wonder teenagers are struggling.

This

I work at a secondary school, and I feel that young people seem to have very little resilience (which we are trying to change here). Also many do not understand that a certain amount of anxiety, stress etc is a normal human condition, and not necessarily something to worry about. Obviously this isn't always the case, but it seems to be quite common.

fishonabicycle · Today 12:08
I work at a secondary school, and I feel that young people seem to have very little resilience (which we are trying to change here). Also many do not understand that a certain amount of anxiety, stress etc is a normal human condition, and not necessarily something to worry about. Obviously this isn't always the case, but it seems to be quite common”

Did your students have to spend 16 months out of school, as ours did during sixth form, trying to study alone in the attic, at least half of the time without online provision, because of a CEV parent?
Our youngest did: didn’t see anyone but us. I’d say he was resilient as hell while he was going through it. Two years on, he’s paying the price now.

Could you have done that at 17/18? I doubt it.

My view is that there is increased awareness, and the pandemic has certainly created new issues or exacerbated existing ones. But people seem a lot less resilient these days. For example on certain TV shows such as Sewing Bee, Glow Up, etc., it's become totally acceptable to cry and have a breakdown when things don't go the way the contestants want them to. It's normal to feel under pressure and get stressed, but how does crying help in those situations? I'm self-employed and don't know if a similar thing happens in the work place, but it's not very professional in my opinion.

The pandemic just escalated a trend. For my two penneth - from personal observation it's multi faceted including less support/supervision at home due to 2 working parents, divorced (or never married) parents, unwillingness of parents to offer firm direction to said children.

Then there's the social media and societal expectations ti be perfect, and extreme version of keeping up with the jonesies.

The pressure for academic success /downgrading of skilled practical jobs as an option, seen as inferior.

Finally a lack of resilience, not being taught to manage expectations from a young age.

Loads to unpick from this and I'm not trained in any way but have you c people struggling, and friends with young people struggling. I don't have solutions either but I see that people more learned than I need to urgently work out how to put this puzzle together

Masking is what has lead to my Dd becoming very unwell. I’m not sure saying people shouldn’t cry during times of stress is a sensible thing to say.

Wish my Dd did.

Agree with many op that it’s a combination of better awareness and openness around MH but that social media and the covid lockdowns and isolation have had a huge impact.

My DS struggled massively during and after lockdown and home learning which resulted in him becoming withdrawn and anxious and missing a lot of school.

Hes 18 now and heading in right direction but it will take a lot of time to get him fully back on track