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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask why there are so many kids with mental health problems?

435 replies

Newmama29 · 25/06/2023 09:42

I’ve been scrolling through some threads recently & I find people are talking a lot about their kids/teenagers having mental health problems. Why is this so prominent now? I, myself, was only a teenager 10 years ago so I am baffled as to how many people claim their teens have mental health problems. Is it just that we talk about it more or is society causing this?

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 25/06/2023 19:04

I have a teen who is experiencing quite significant mental health issues. I've never had to deal with anything like this before and it's unimaginably difficult.

Things that I think are part of the problem are:

  • Academic expectations. DD isn't academic. She has ADHD, ASD and dyslexia as well as short term memory difficulties. However, she's expected to do 9 or so GCSEs just like the most academic students. It's too many subjects, the work is too hard but other than dropping MFL and doing foundation level maths, there's no real adjustment. She was just expected to cope (until she stopped coping).

Back in the 1980s and before, 7 or 8 O'levels was the norm. Less academic students did CSEs. Everyone was studying at a level that was manageable for them.

  • The size of Secondary Schools. Here 8 + form intakes are normal in school buildings that probably were designed for 4 form intakes. Schools are overcrowded and noisy.

My Secondary School was a 4 form intake. It felt large and busy to me. These Secondary Schools with 1000s of pupils must feel just so overwhelming for children that are less able to cope.

There's obviously many other factors yo it but these are 2 key differences that I've observed from education in the 80s and 90s to now.

CatsSnore · 25/06/2023 19:13

I think MH is too broad a term for this topic. Are we talking about low level anxious/depressed/feeling of not belonging/teenage angst/grow out of type of MH difficulties or are we talking about BPD, anorexia or are we talking psychosis episodes and schizophrenia. Some are very much so parental caused, some are situational, some are chemical inbalances.

ontetwo3 · 25/06/2023 19:32

I think it is a complex mixture of things. To some extent, people are better at recognising mental health issues, and accepting that very young children can have serious mental health problems. When I was at school, for example, children may have been labelled 'maladjusted' or 'emotionally disturbed', and if the behaviour or absence from school was too bad, they would disappear into hospital or adolescent units. There were definitely pupils with eating disorders and they were largely not treated unless the child became dangerously ill, then the pupil disappeared into hospital.

When I was in an adolescent unit with an eating disorder, there were children in there due to 'school refusal', so the behaviour rather than the underlying MH difficulties was the focus of attention. Similarly, with EDs it was the behaviour that was targeted, not the underlying cause. Now, we are more aware that seriously challenging behaviours often indicate a raft of other problems including other mental health disorders

Yet, I would also say that social media does have a role to play. You cannot escape the bully, or the perfect images, or the cranky advice if it is in your hand or your pocket at home, at school and all around you.

However, as the parent of two Gen Zs, there is something about this generation (I cannot comment of the generation after) that is worrying. Yes, each generation is rife with crises of identity and the angst of youth, but there seems to be more serious mental illness now than there was in previous generations, and this is irrespective of our ability to better identify MH issues.

There could be social causes, and if our society is broken, the mental health of the most vulnerable or least resilient may also be broken.

Oblomov23 · 25/06/2023 19:37

I don't really know either. SM hasn't damaged my MH, nor my Dh's, nor my ds's. My 2 were ok throughout covid. So I'm not sure that covid did that much damage to all.

chemistnightmare · 25/06/2023 19:45

Oblomov23 · 25/06/2023 19:37

I don't really know either. SM hasn't damaged my MH, nor my Dh's, nor my ds's. My 2 were ok throughout covid. So I'm not sure that covid did that much damage to all.

Covid had the opposite effect on DD (autistic) - when all the pressure was removed she was like an entirely different child. It was refreshing as fuck tbh.

Oblomov23 · 25/06/2023 19:50

I was just looking through old videos. Ds1 made a video for ds2's football team - the covid toilet roll challenge. Made me laugh. Sometimes we forget all the good stuff covid bought. Do you not remember some of the good stuff? It wasn't all bad.

changeyerheadworzel · 25/06/2023 20:01

chemistnightmare · 25/06/2023 19:45

Covid had the opposite effect on DD (autistic) - when all the pressure was removed she was like an entirely different child. It was refreshing as fuck tbh.

I absolutely loved lockdown, it was refreshing as fuck for me too but it was a contributing factor to the decline of my daughter's mental health. My other 3 kids lapped it up. Depends on the individual. Everyone is different.

Tincan5555 · 25/06/2023 20:27

CatsSnore

You really are talking nonsense. Family therapy is absolutely not about blame but communication. Overdoses don’t necessarily lead to sectioning.There are no inpatient beds anywhere either. Nobody is getting anything unnecessarily, most kids are just on waiting lists.

DemiColon · 25/06/2023 20:35

I find some of the responses here odd.

Pointing to reasons for increase in me issues does not mean that people never had them in the past.

Saying that some things are really just normal emotions doesn't mean that none are really more than that.

Saying that there is an increase in part because of something like lack of resilience does not mean that the mh issues are not real. Much the same with something like ADD - saying we cause it by putting kids in inappropriate environments at a young age does not mean that the results "aren't real". iatrogenic disease is still disease.

One example that really struck me is a friend whose child stayed with me for a period. This child was incredibly anxious. but her mum dealt with it largely by trying to remove the things she thought made her anxious. But that's not how you overcome anxiety - it's the opposite, even serious anxiety is generally best approached by exposure to whatever the problem is. Avoidance tends to make it worse, and often it will simply transfer to other things, because really - it's not the thing that is the real problem.

It's not just about strong-arming, "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" although sometimes people describe it that way, you have to retrain the chemical response in the brain. It can be slow, but it's about the only thing that's effective.

And in kids, it's about setting up a lifetime habit of avoiding or not. No one is always successful, we all have highs and lows, but being aware that we make it harder the more we give in is important to managing it.

islandofserenity · 25/06/2023 21:05

widowtwankywashroom · 25/06/2023 12:12

Do you think there's an element of learnt behaviour?
You and both your kids?

I beg your pardon? Do you know what it's like to see your 1st born struggle with anxiety from an early age? To see him head butting a wall when he was 2? He is highly intelligent and has just left high school ( he could never attend mainstream but taught himself from the support base!) He got 1 hour per week Maths and English tuition. He sat 2 Highers last month!
I feel guilty enough that i mayhave passed on genes that affect mental health! My Granny suffered from depression and my Dad has done in the past. Have you any idea what it's like to suffer with your mental health from being a teenager? I am a psychologist and help people with their mental health.
Please do not suggest it's learned behaviour, I find your comment offensive.

islandofserenity · 25/06/2023 21:12

Tessisme · 25/06/2023 12:18

Do you think there's an element of learnt behaviour?
You and both your kids

Do you think there's an element of ignorance?
Just you?
@widowtwankywashroom

Thanks so much Tessisme. I've just come back to this thread and have replied to the poster @widowtwankywashroom . I'm astounded at what she posted!

wildfirewonder · 25/06/2023 21:26

CatsSnore · 25/06/2023 18:40

I don't know any teen who takes overdoses when there aren't issues at home/or bullying from school. Happy well adjusted children don't try to kill themselves, something has gone wrong. Not sure how it's vile to say that 🤷‍♀️

Because it is factually incorrect, you appear to be seeking to blame parents/teachers.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 25/06/2023 21:28

We talk about it more. I had severe mh problems in my teens all the way through to my late twenties. I’m in early forties now. It was a taboo subject when I was a teen.

WhatWhereWhenHowWhy · 25/06/2023 21:31

Covid
Poor diet
Less resilience/less responsibility
Less guidance
Poor support systems
Social media !!!!! Massive issue
Earlier diagnosis

WhatWhereWhenHowWhy · 25/06/2023 21:32

And lack of fresh air/exercise!

islandofserenity · 25/06/2023 21:36

chemistnightmare · 25/06/2023 18:43

@CatsSnore

I work with children. I do think we over diagnosis them, and they over diagnosis themselves! It does bring attention when things are wrong and there needs to be a better way to help dc who need more than they get at home without medicalising them... and if you got heaps of love and attention for taking overdoses and being on a 136 section in hospital you would keep doing it wouldn't you! Why do we expect teens to not do what brings them what they need.

You are disgusting.

I hope you are lying about working with children Sad

I'm also disgusted at this comment. @ CatsSnore. I've just come back to this thread and I'm shocked at some of the comments!

XelaM · 25/06/2023 22:20

WhatWhereWhenHowWhy · 25/06/2023 21:32

And lack of fresh air/exercise!

I honestly believe this would cure a lot of MH issues.

My teen is heavily involved in a very physically tiring outdoor sport and none of the teens in her circle of friends appear to have the MH issues that so many teens are experiencing. They spend a lot of time outdoors and are exhausted by the end of the day, which is good for the mind.

Tessisme · 25/06/2023 22:23

I know. Absolutely shocking @islandofserenity. It makes me despair when I read comments like that and some of the others on here. It just feels like the stigma around mental health problems will never be gone.

1dayatatime · 25/06/2023 22:42

@DelurkingAJ

"My unqualified view is that COVID, and the isolation that resulted, tipped lots of vulnerable children over the edge."

+++

But what was the alternative? Accept that a higher number of the elderly and vulnerable die early from Covid or accept that a higher number of children get tipped over the edge and then have no money to prevent or fix it.

It was a choice the nation made to throw the younger generation under a bus to protect the older generations.

Fruitjellies · 25/06/2023 22:46

I think it's a bit of both. I'm the same generation as you and we did have one or two people in our school year with exceptionally serious mental health issues.
There weren't really many 'in betweens'.

Teenagers go through serious hormal, social and educational changes and it is actually entirely normal for them to be anxious, upset, stressed. Part of growing up is to learn how to cope and navigate the world. We seem to have pathologised normal feelings.

JaceLancs · 25/06/2023 22:48

Nobody talked about it when I was growing up in the 60s and 70s
I self harmed due to sexual abuse and was a very troubled teenager
thankfully I had people who did help and I got referred to psychiatrist - counselling etc
It was a stigma to share though
as I got into my 20s I self medicated with drugs alcohol and sex
thankfully I came out the other side before I was 30 and have been a survivor since

Spinewars23 · 25/06/2023 23:00

To quick to dish out out anti depressants to people who just don’t feel right in the head..

An emergency operation later which I have never made sense of, multiple actual health problems as a result and absolutely no one as an adult had ever asked how I’ve felt mental health wise in the last seven months. I actually deplore our society as the pitts.

PostItInABook · 25/06/2023 23:04

It’s because we aren’t very good at teaching our children and young people what emotional intelligence and resilience are, let alone helping them to develop and nurture it so they can recognise and manage normal highs/lows of normal emotions. When you lack emotional intelligence / resilience everything becomes a drama and completely unmanageable….everything can be a trigger and it perpetuates a harmful cycle of self-victimisation, an unhealthy need for external validation and a lack of self-awareness and worth.

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 25/06/2023 23:09

widowtwankywashroom · 25/06/2023 10:07

We pathologise everything!
You can't be anxious about something it has to be anxiety and managed
You can't be sad, its depression

Completely agree, no need to pathologise any of it. Normal responses to tough situations.

Meadowland · 25/06/2023 23:12

Excessive use of screen time addling their brains.