to be grumpy with strangers asking questions

[toddlertamer20]

Hi,
Sorry another 'wheelchair' post here. I honestly don't know if this is just me being over sensitive and grumpy (and made worse by this heat) or if people are just plain rude.
I am a wheelchair user. I mainly use an electric wheelchair (not a mobility scooter) or sometimes a manual one. I get a lot of children staring at my wheelchair and some ask questions - that is absolutlet fine, I answer them happily.
But then I get adults who IMO are just being rude and nosey and it's starting to irritate me so much. These are a few examples:

1. someone was looking over at me over and over again while I was having a coffee with my sister in Costa. He eventually gets up and comes to our table and says to my sister 'can I pray for her?'. Where I get that the thought was there, it annoyed me that he interrupted our conversation and also didn't speak to me....but spoke to my sister instead as she is able bodied.
2. Woman on the bus had several shopping bags and a shopping trolley and squeezed them all into the wheelchair space and the trolley rammed into my legs. I flinched. She seemed very shocked and apologised straight away, but then said 'Oh! you can feel your legs? why aren't you walking then?'...
3. I was with a friend I hadn't seen in ages, we were walking/wheeling along slowly, deep in conversation. A woman is walking in the opposite direction to us and passes us on the pavement. As she does she kind of hesitates and turns back and says 'excuse me' To be honest I thought she was going to ask us directions. But no. she comes out with 'Can I ask you a very a very personal question?' At this point I knew what was coming so I just carried on slowly wheeling forward. My friend hadn't realised and said 'ok what?' and she then says 'why is she in the wheelchair and how long has she been in it for?'. My friend was obviously taken aback by this....and king of stuttered and said that would be up to me. I just kind or called backwards ' sorry I have to get somewhere I'm late'.

I feel irritated by people. I mean i am happy to talk to people, openly tell pepple why i am in my chair etc. but when i am having a private conversation or a meal or a coffee etc i find it just really rude and annoying that people think that because I look different, they can intterupt me.But now it's playing on my mind if maybe I am being too touchy. I know they are just curious/want to help and I am in general a friendly person. I suppose I struggle to find a reply that isn't rude. Other times, like I said, I'm more than happy to talk to people. I actually love children asking me questions as it means they will grow up knowing the answers. But am being unreasonable not wanting constant rude questions....should I just reply politely and get over myself?

Ynbu. Worst one is when they grab the chair to push you without asking then getting annoyed when you say no thanks!

I wish I could be surprised at the rudeness of other people, but it's depressingly common for them to be utter shits. I'm so sorry people have behaved like that - say what you like to them in return OP!

Bloody hell, irritated is an Uber-reaction.

People are just stupid.

And it is a level of able-ism. OK, people lack knowledge, but the assumption in this stuff is patronising, de-humanising etc.

Really sorry you encounter all this OP.

Under reaction, not Uber 🙄

Oh yes! I hate this. I think they think they're being helpful but they're being incredibly rude

That is very weird behaviour. I think it’s to firmly tell people to mind their own business.

You're being TOO reasonable! You wouldn't be in the wrong to give them a mouthful. They are being horrendously rude. I'm so sorry you have to put up with that kind of nonsense on a regular basis.

Those people were twats, you sound like you were much more polite than I would have been.

If you can be arsed how about a few sentences on how important it is to see the person rather than the disability, that it’s intrusive to ask personal questions when you’ve never spoken to the person and that if you needed praying for you you’d ask and have people in higher places than Dave from Costa to do it for you…

If you can’t be arsed then don’t bother though, it’s not your responsibility to educate them.

It is odd for grown adults who do not even know you, to ask you something like that. I can understand idle curiosity maybe, but to actually ask you why you are in a wheelchair is very strange. I am aware that strange people exist though. Just tell them that you would rather not go into that.

If I were you, I’d be more than just irritated! Every example you have given is exceptionally rude.

However,…I’d like ask you a question, please?

My DC isn’t at that stage yet, but if she ever asked me about you or anyone else in a wheelchair or with a disability, what would you think would be an appropriate response?

I assume I’d say something along the lines of ‘we don’t make comments about personal appearances’ but as I said it hasn’t happened yet. What would you suggest?

Thank you.

What in the actual world……????!!!! I am so sorry that you have had to deal with so much complete and utter lunacy!
Ignoring you and talking to your friend instead? Being surprised that you have feelings in your legs? Praying for you?
I wonder sometimes if we’re going very backwards in society. Just shows there are some very very strange and ignorant people about. You’re rather marvellous for being irritated…….it would be nice to see if there’s a market for twat tasers……..one point and the twat is gone…….(goes off to do marketing research…….this time next year you could be a millionaire with me 😬)
Hope you have the loveliest day today 💐

Wow

God people are thick aren’t they?

I’m sorry you have to deal with this shit OP. When possible (eg with the last one where you did interact) I think if you can stand it it’s worth pointing out to the person that they are being incredibly rude.

I can't say I'm that surprised. I'm visually impaired. It's usually children asking the questions (I've overheard the parents explain it to them, so thanks for that) and adults whispering that there's nothing wrong with me. Or shouting that I "don't look blind". Whatever that is

I can't answer for the op, but I use a mobility scooter and I prefer it if parents are just open and factual, rather than making it something to feel embarrassed about. So just something like, yes, they're using a wheelchair to help them get around, they probably have difficulties walking. Straightforward and honest is easier and more respectful I think.

You are under reacting. I’d be telling them to fuck right off.

my sister is a wheelchair user and we get this all the time. Eating out, she won’t be given a menu, this happens all the time. And really really

I get asked a lot ‘what’s wrong with her’ to this I always do a confused face and ask ‘what do you mean’ if they say anything more I’ll tell them in no uncertain terms how rude they are.

my sister has perfected her ‘I am here you know’ to those who treat her like she doesn’t exist.

Really fucking rude, I'm astonished at some of the shit you have to deal with, pardon my language. I would come up with a few responses that shuts them down and makes them feel as uncomfortable as possible. "I'm intrigued as to how you think this is an appropriate question to ask?" Or something along those lines (but better!) With a hard stare and then perhaps just turn away and continue with what you were doing. I hope you're ok and don't let it get to you too much.

I only hope the people who have voted YABU, actually mean you have been far too polite.
Can I pray for you ? Who the hell does he think he is ?

Omg thats awful. What is wrong with people? I was so embarrassed the other day when my 5 year old asked a lady if she was OK and if it hurts being in a wheelchair. Luckily the lady was lovely and just said sometimes sweetheart. I couldn't apologise more.

I was mortified but children are inquisitive. I've explained to her that it's rude to ask people questions like that and she cried bless her. But adults saying such things is plain ignorant and rude.

YANBU, what strikes me as worst about some of these is that they are talking about you to the person you're with. That is very rude!

someone was looking over at me over and over again while I was having a coffee with my sister in Costa. He eventually gets up and comes to our table and says to my sister 'can I pray for her?'. Where I get that the thought was there, it annoyed me that he interrupted our conversation and also didn't speak to me....but spoke to my sister instead as she is able bodied.

What a twat. I doubt he was going to utter a single word in prayer. People who pray know they don’t need permission to pray for someone, you pray in your head, the other person doesn’t need to know.

I admire your restraint in not telling all these idiots to fuck off.

I understand how you feel. But I am sure they are the weirdo minority.

I have bipolar disorder.

I had a doctor's receptionist ask what my review was for. I said bipolar disorder. She said "well you don't look depressed"....

I had someone ask what my illness was. I said I have bipolar disorder. They said "your not going to attack me with a sword or something are you?"

Yes, they walk amongst us....

The first two are complete arseholes.

The third lady shouldn't have asked, but maybe she's got a relative who has been recently wheelchair-bound and she doesn't have any experience of it. Not that it makes it ok, but she sounds inquisitive rather than rude.

@DifficultBloodyWoman

no, shutting your daughter down when she's asking about the world around her isn't the answer!

It's bizarre that the second woman thinks it's ok to ram a shopping trolley into someone's legs if they can't feel them.