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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How far would you go to accommodate a vegan?

758 replies

Juicyj1993 · 24/06/2023 23:22

In a few weeks we're hosting a bbq for my Husband's birthday.

We have about a dozen guests coming, one of whom is vegan. As we don't normally buy vegan food I've started looking at what we'd normally buy and what is and isn't vegan. To make sure the vegan has the same variety of choice as everyone else I'm going to have to spend quite a bit on alternatives. As we have the non vegan alternatives we won't be eating the vegan versions, so they'll either go home with the guest or be thrown.

How much would you accommodate a vegan?

Would I be unreasonable to provide vegan burger with vegan cheese, plus bun and nothing else or do I need to go the whole hog and get vegan sausages, vegan condiments and vegan coleslaw?

Ps they are vegan by choice, not for medical reasons

OP posts:
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MartyMcFlysPurpleUnderwear · 25/06/2023 22:07

To be honest these sorts of threads baffle me. I am not quite sure why you can’t just ask the vegan to bring their own food or ask them what they want to eat.

MykonosMaiden · 25/06/2023 22:09

@MartyMcFlysPurpleUnderwear @BodgerLovesMashedPotato that's not what this vegan site says
https://www.veganfriendly.org.uk/is-it-vegan/sugar/

They are all marked as 'sometimes'

MykonosMaiden · 25/06/2023 22:09

°as in the common ones not demerera sugar or whatever

chupachucks · 25/06/2023 22:10

Pork pies, but eat the filling first 😁

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 25/06/2023 22:11

The NHS no longer classes dairy as a food group. The name of the food group is now dairy and dairy alternatives.

Even so, surely the word 'dairy' in 'dairy alternatives' rather gives the lie to those who like to paint omnivores as unreasonable for wanting to include actual dairy in their regular balanced diet?

Also, the word 'alternative' - it's not like having two distinct paths - say 'A' & 'B'; it's more like saying 'A' & 'Things that are variations of A'.

MartyMcFlysPurpleUnderwear · 25/06/2023 22:12

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 25/06/2023 22:11

The NHS no longer classes dairy as a food group. The name of the food group is now dairy and dairy alternatives.

Even so, surely the word 'dairy' in 'dairy alternatives' rather gives the lie to those who like to paint omnivores as unreasonable for wanting to include actual dairy in their regular balanced diet?

Also, the word 'alternative' - it's not like having two distinct paths - say 'A' & 'B'; it's more like saying 'A' & 'Things that are variations of A'.

Nobody has said anyone is unreasonable for wanting to include dairy in their diet.

MartyMcFlysPurpleUnderwear · 25/06/2023 22:14

@MykonosMaiden

I am guessing that website is getting their information from US based sources. A quick Google lets you know that processing sugar through bone char is not a thing in the UK.

brunettemic · 25/06/2023 22:29

To be honest…not that far. When we have a BBQ it’s always very meaty with some passing reference to salad that only me and DS touch. Maybe look into some sort of vegan burger and I might ask DH to roast some peppers or something on there.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 25/06/2023 23:42

Nobody has said anyone is unreasonable for wanting to include dairy in their diet.

Except the people on here saying that, if there's one vegan at a meal, make the only choices vegan for everybody else too.

Nussbaum · 25/06/2023 23:58

I wouldn't.

PlatBilledDuckypuss · 26/06/2023 01:36

It would all depend whether I liked them or not.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 26/06/2023 01:55

I’m vegan (for mix of reasons including food intolerances) and would be pretty happy with that

Marmalayde · 26/06/2023 02:09

Get stuff other people can eat too of he doesn't eat it. I'm not vegan but I eat meat rarely because I dislike the taste and it really isn't as hard as people think

I'd get a couple of veggie burgers
Some halloumi. Lots of omnivores love that too
A bean or chickpea salad or something similar that everyone might like as well as vegan friend
Or hummus guacamole and chips. Salad

Most vegans wouldn't like a load of that fake meat stuff

Marmalayde · 26/06/2023 02:11

No scrap halloumi unless it's vegan. Where is my brain!

Marmalayde · 26/06/2023 02:16

Thinking aloud... Corn on the cob, vegetable skewers which others would like ..you could add meat to skewers for meat eaters.

Richmond do good vegan options that fool done near eaters so you could try those Bs offer then out to anyone
..

Marmalayde · 26/06/2023 02:19

Balloonhearts · 25/06/2023 15:37

Pasta isn't vegan though is it? Thought it was made with egg in it?

Most fresh and fancy pastas have egg but the majority of shelf ones don't. Especially own brand in recent years. A quick glance at ingredients will make sure

Marmalayde · 26/06/2023 02:25

MykonosMaiden · 25/06/2023 17:41

Well it depends on expectations of the vegans too and what you normally serve. I don't have salads as nobody touches them, bread and crisps are fine. So the vegan would have to finish it otherwise it goes to waste. Anything off the shelf is OK but as you said you don't like some fake meat, you'll still eat it but others don't.

I apply the same policy to 'anybody' who has dietary requirements vegan, gluten-free, halal whatever I will definitely have a couple of things they can eat but I'm not going to make more effort than I do with the rest of the food. They're welcome to bring their own and most in fact do.

It's only the entitled ones who whine and expect a spread equivalent to that of the omnivores. Always the ones who don't communicate either..
Turn up and announce that they don't like anything provided.

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Why does salad go to waste because it's not eaten that day? Wouldn't you use it for sandwiches and side salad.

I'd put third to half out dressed and keep half in the fridge to save in case... Or put out if the first lot goes.

I generally do that with family meals.

Am I weird?

HallieHufflepuff · 26/06/2023 03:06

Guiltridden12345 · 25/06/2023 09:31

I do understand this sentiment though. We have a vegan friend who brings and offers nothing, and then one time ate the bloody cheeseboard (after we’d catered a 3 course meal with vegan options for them) because the vegan cheese we’d spent ages buying ‘just isn’t the same’. No shit. She had been very strict until then and quote preachy about it and still is - if we used the same bbq she’d go nuts, yet chose to eat the cheese. She never offers to bring anything and assumed cooking 2 menus is acceptable social behaviour.

and to those saying all go vegan, why should we? it takes real work to make vegan food taste good to an omnivore, used to the delicious umami and satiation of animal fats and textures. Naturally vegan food like Thai and some Asian is great but a bbq does not lend itself to vegan food very well. I hate packet highly processed food so wouldn’t buy fake meat and I don’t want a whole vegan bbq, no one does apart from vegans, so you end up doing 2 whole menus which is incredibly hard. Yes there can be some crossover - bbq veg, salads etc - but vegans be bloody thoughtful and BRING YOUR OWN!

my kids have some food allergies. I have always and will always bring a complete menu for them, for every meal if we’re staying over, to avoid anyone having to do 2 menus. It’s just polite and shows I care about giving people extra work. some people say don’t bother but I always do and I appreciate the offer but turn them down - it’s so easy for me and no double catering for them. The kids in turn have learned that it’s polite to cater for yourself if you’re a guest and you eat unusually, whether by choice or not.

vegans - if you’re coming over, please insist on bringing your own. It really does make life so much easier and stops us thinking that you think the world revolves around you. And ffs don’t fall off the wagon when I’ve made you a special meat free egg free taste free menu and bought you expensive vegan wine that tastes like shit - it’s insulting.

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www.barnivore.com advises if alcohol is vegan or not.
If you're buying vegan wine that tastes shit, you're just buying shit wine and need to try something else. Making wine vegan doesn't make it taste bad.

Your friend who eats plant based food is rude to eat non plant based food when you've specially catered for them. That's not something a vegan would do.

Calling something taste free just because it's cruelty free is very rude and is disrespectful of people and their ethical beliefs.

HallieHufflepuff · 26/06/2023 03:13

plantsandwich · 25/06/2023 09:49

I do always bring my own unless It's a close friend/family member who insists I don't have to. OP, you sound like a wonderful host.

I'm a weirdo who does love (some) vegan cheese although I avoid because it is like eating lard 🤣(in terms of weight gain).

Whatever you want to call it, being awful about veganism is not okay. It is an ethical belief like many others. Of course if people are causing inconvenience to others, preaching, trying to convert then avoid, confront etc but that isn't to do with veganism itself, it's something they'd likely do if they followed any other ethical belief. I don't do this and don't know any others who do either. IME It's me who gets confronted, insulted etc often. I was at a festival recently when a friend of a friend literally went INTO MY BAG and began pulling out my packed lunch/snacks in order to take the piss. A grown adult!

It's puerile, classless and unnecessary. Just accept that some people will always hold views different to your own.

I love vegan cheese too! And vegan food that tastes like meat.
Are we the odd ones out? 🤔

HallieHufflepuff · 26/06/2023 03:20

TaxDirector · 25/06/2023 11:11

In terms of you accommodating them- you don’t have to specifically, because surely you would have vegetables in your house?

A lot of vegans i know eat a lot of quite heavily processed food, nut milks etc, i really hate buying those things for health and environmental reasons but i do do it to accommodate vegans who visit my home. I think its forcing your views on others to not even buy a pint of milk for visitors to have in tea or coffee.

I disagree with this, I think it's forcing your views on others to expect them to contribute to the dairy industry and go against their ethical beliefs just because you think that what you have been told to drink is more important.

Letittow · 26/06/2023 03:58

HallieHufflepuff · 26/06/2023 03:20

I disagree with this, I think it's forcing your views on others to expect them to contribute to the dairy industry and go against their ethical beliefs just because you think that what you have been told to drink is more important.

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Quite, I'm not vegan but it astounds me that anyone thinks someone who is should have dairy milk in their frridge for visitors, so strange. People get really weird about vegans though despite the fact most people eat a variety of non animal or animal derived products anyway.

CurlewKate · 26/06/2023 05:51

@EbonyRaven "but I don't go very far to accommodate vegans now, because all the vegans that I know, never, EVER attempt to accommodate me. "

Genuinely don't understand. You mean they don't give you any food? You just have to sit there while everyone else eats?

MykonosMaiden · 26/06/2023 06:04

Marmalayde · 26/06/2023 02:25

Why does salad go to waste because it's not eaten that day? Wouldn't you use it for sandwiches and side salad.

I'd put third to half out dressed and keep half in the fridge to save in case... Or put out if the first lot goes.

I generally do that with family meals.

Am I weird?

Show quote history

I don't think you are.
We don't usually eat cold food at home.That includes salads and sandwiches.
Plus DH doesn't like leafy vegetables.