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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset With Neighbour

92 replies

justco · 24/06/2023 20:18

I've changed username for this incase I get recognised in real life.
Earlier this morning my DH was shouting at me as we'd got back from holiday yesterday and he was going to collect the cat from the cattery and was asking how much it was, and started shouting as I didn't remember.

About an hour ago in the garden he was shouting at me about something else, whilst I was indoors. Shouting that I'm selfish, as he can't get to work next week as I've told him be can't borrow my car as I need it and basically shouting I think to get peoples attention and to embarrass me.

Anyway the lady next door likes a drink shall we say and started asking DH if he's ok, probably as he's shouting at me so she thinks I've done something to make him angry. Then he tells her he's ok and she puts her hand through the fence to hold his hand and say it's ok etc.
Then she lets go and is in her own garden and shouted "You C*" at the top of her voice. I'm guessing this is aimed at me.

I just feel so upset about it. Obviously she thinks I'm to blame. She really likes my DH as she's told me before as he's down to earth shall we say and I know she thinks I'm stuck up. I don't think I've given her reason to think I'm stuck up, we are just different people, we are same age and we have children but hers have left home and she lives there alone, whereas I had children later in life so mine are still at home. I work, she doesn't etc so I guess we are just different people.

What to do?

OP posts:
whatever1980 · 24/06/2023 23:44

He sounds a catch

Measuresimposed · 24/06/2023 23:48

Your neighbour btw, is being used as a flying monkey.

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 24/06/2023 23:52

justco · 24/06/2023 20:18

I've changed username for this incase I get recognised in real life.
Earlier this morning my DH was shouting at me as we'd got back from holiday yesterday and he was going to collect the cat from the cattery and was asking how much it was, and started shouting as I didn't remember.

About an hour ago in the garden he was shouting at me about something else, whilst I was indoors. Shouting that I'm selfish, as he can't get to work next week as I've told him be can't borrow my car as I need it and basically shouting I think to get peoples attention and to embarrass me.

Anyway the lady next door likes a drink shall we say and started asking DH if he's ok, probably as he's shouting at me so she thinks I've done something to make him angry. Then he tells her he's ok and she puts her hand through the fence to hold his hand and say it's ok etc.
Then she lets go and is in her own garden and shouted "You C*" at the top of her voice. I'm guessing this is aimed at me.

I just feel so upset about it. Obviously she thinks I'm to blame. She really likes my DH as she's told me before as he's down to earth shall we say and I know she thinks I'm stuck up. I don't think I've given her reason to think I'm stuck up, we are just different people, we are same age and we have children but hers have left home and she lives there alone, whereas I had children later in life so mine are still at home. I work, she doesn't etc so I guess we are just different people.

What to do?

Your neighbor is the least if your problem. You have a husband that shouts at you outside so loud your neighbors hear it all….

billy1966 · 24/06/2023 23:54

Your husband is clearly scum.

Your poor children.

Your eldest knows it.

Please think of your children.

You all deserve better.

ImustLearn2Cook · 25/06/2023 00:03

justco · 24/06/2023 23:22

@ImustLearn2Cook you've just made me realise what's been happening past few years

I’m sorry you’ve been through that. This could be the beginning of something better for you and your kids. Start rebuilding yourself. 🌺🌅🌈

CherryBlossom321 · 25/06/2023 00:07

I’m so sorry you are being abused like this. You deserve to be treated with kindness, gentleness and respect.

Gillbil · 25/06/2023 00:15

It sounds like you dh is abusive and sorry but possible having some kind of affair with this lady- also he definitely didn't say everythings ok- he's been slanging you off.
Honestly- LTB

Uokhon · 25/06/2023 00:27

Assuming you don’t see her except for occasionally going to and from the house, smile and say hi but nothing more. Seethe inside.

Also consider divorce.

BMW6 · 25/06/2023 09:43

OP why don't you separate and divorce the abusive bullying arse?

Your child has the measure of him. You and your children will be far happier without him.

Original poster
justco · 25/06/2023 10:50

He has said to me this morning that the neighbour knows I'm abusive so she was sticking up for him! He says he's moving out in 2 weeks. I'm not actually talking to him but he keeps trying to talk to me.
He's saying good luck with affording everything on my own, he's a decent kind man etc but he's being abused

OP posts:
EvilElsa · 25/06/2023 11:14

Just nod along and say OK. Don't comment, don't get into an argument or a discussion. My money would be on him not actually planning to move out all. He wants you to cry and beg for him to stay and admit you are abusive. Don't do it. He is a gaslighting prick and him leaving would be best outcome for you. I guarantee as two weeks creeps nearer he will get angry and say he's not leaving his home and why should he leave etc etc. Divorce him.

LlynTegid · 25/06/2023 11:23

Well there are women who defend Boris Johnson, who also ill-treats women. Sad to read of yet another woman who defends abusive men.

As others have said, you deserve better. As at least one of your children has realised.

Sesimbra · 25/06/2023 11:27

Do you own or rent OP?

Can you afford to stay in the house if he actually does fuck off? You should get DM from him, and possibly UC depending on your situation.

I would just act like you are taking him at his word and start making plans for a life without him being there. Hopefully he will leave and your life will be far more pleasant.

FrenchandSaunders · 25/06/2023 11:30

It’s all a bit Jeremy Kyle isn’t it.

What on earth was your holiday like!

Daisiesandprimroses · 25/06/2023 11:31

He’s done this so the neighbour can witness it. He’s done it to get her attention. Are you sure he’s not sleeping with her. It’s very odd holding hands like that.

Original poster
justco · 25/06/2023 11:33

I've blocked the neighbours phone number, not sure if that's being really childish, but occasionally she will text asking if I have her parcel etc.
This is where it gets a bit awkward the parcel thing.

It's rented. I probably could afford it on my own, just would have to really tighten things up. Spend less on food shopping, think about where I'm really going to save on fuel etc. I give my eldest a fair bit of money a week as she's at college but has to get the train to college 40 min away, plus toiletries and going out.

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 25/06/2023 11:35

DON'T let him have your car. He can buy a car of his own if he wants to drive.

Original poster
justco · 25/06/2023 11:35

@FrenchandSaunders the holiday was fine. We just went to Devon. He can wind himself up easily by talking about people that upset him - like politicians and the government etc but when he does we don't go along with the conversation and just change the subject.

OP posts:
Original poster
justco · 25/06/2023 11:36

@Dillydollydingdong he has a car but it's off the road atm as he's blown the head gasket

OP posts:
Fandabedodgy · 25/06/2023 11:37

I'm awfully glad I dont live near any of you

Original poster
justco · 25/06/2023 11:38

@Daisiesandprimroses I don't think so. I mean she's always drunk so is a bit cuddly and staggering etc.
Ge probably held her hand to make a point. To say - see she agrees with me, she knows it's you etc.
I'm not a shouter at all, so he was shouting at me and calling me an idiot wtc and she put her hand through the fence asking if he's ok. He held her hand back and said I'm alright. She let go and disappeared into her garden further then was shouting out to me I believe.

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 25/06/2023 11:40

He'd probably blow your head gasket as well then (and no, that's not supposed to be double entendre).

billy1966 · 25/06/2023 11:47

Op, please call Womens aid for support.

Do not engage with him.

Your children will be better off without him living in their home abusing you.

Not childish.
Keep her blocked.
What she called you is disgusting.

Do NOT take another parcel for someone so ugly.

Tell your eldest that she needs to find extra work, hours, as things have changed at home.

This is life.

I think you should focus completely on your son refusing to buy the card.

This is huge, and is desperate sad.

Kindly meant but I think you can assume that this is a child that has seen and witnessed far too much from his scummy father.

Your childrens mental health will be affected by a loser father.

Their best hope is that by him moving out, they have time to heal.

You can do this.

Expect him to back track, play victim, do the poor me routine, threaten to self harm.

Keep repeating you want him out.

Ring 101 for support and help.

Ponoka7 · 25/06/2023 11:49

I lived with similar as a child. They will come to see that while their Dad is the cause, you've kept them living in the abusive home. Your youngest is going to end up a nervous wreck. Go through your finances and end this asap.

Starchipenterprise · 25/06/2023 11:55

He cannot be a decent or kind man if he refuses to go to work because he can’t use the car. He is childish and abusive.