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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how to get school parents to volunteer to do anything?

477 replies

FishfingerFlinger · 23/06/2023 17:58

I’m a somewhat reluctant volunteer for the school PTA - only reluctant because I have a full-on job (12hr+ days most of this week) another volunteer role and am frankly frazzled.

Trying to get volunteers to help do small tasks for the school fair and no one will do ANYTHING. Everyone wants the school fair to happen. Everyone moans if it doesn’t happen. But they think the magic fairies make it happen?

Some schools seem to have an abundance of volunteers making elaborate fairs happen. All I’m asking is for someone to man the bat the rat stall for half an hour and I can’t even get that.

What am i doing wrong here?

OP posts:
ContinuousProcrastination · 23/06/2023 18:36

At our school its the same group of busy people who do everything. They are the same people who also work full time, have multiple kids etc.

There's also a group of non working mums who say they haven't time.

Most of the "can't spare any time" types are driving round in range rovers but also don't give money either.

Honestly a lot of people simply do not want to and do not care.

Yuja · 23/06/2023 18:37

I don't volunteer because I have a full time job, and so does DH. I spend a lot of time ferrying my DC to clubs and I also volunteer a lot of hours at their swim club. I don't have any more time. I'd be okay if the school fair didn't happen tbh

ColdHandsHotHead · 23/06/2023 18:38

TheYearOfSmallThings · 23/06/2023 18:15

I volunteer but I hate it because fairs etc are always so fraught and there are a few big characters bustling about huffing because they have so much to do (and they do!) and sighing if you ask a question. A lot of parents at DS's school are hesitant to engage with the PTA because they tend to speak to the rest of us VERY SLOOOWLY, AND CLEARLY. Also it's often not clear exactly what you are volunteering for until you are in it.

Yeah, I haven’t got kids so no PTA obvs but I’ve done several volunteering jobs. Currently have one that I adore because the person I report to is so lovely. on the other hand I recently decided against something else that might have been interesting because I went to meet a couple of the people and there was a strong smell of interpersonal politics.

NancyAndLee · 23/06/2023 18:39

I think the teachers strike is affecting working parent's capacity for extra curriculars at the moment. My DS has been home every single strike day so I'm playing catch up evening and weekends.

Macaroni46 · 23/06/2023 18:39

Callipsi · 23/06/2023 18:17

I wouldn’t leave my y5 unattended for half an hour at a public event.

This is a SCHOOL fair. A bit overprotective. Need to give them some freedom. When my DC were that age they'd have hated to had to go round the fair with mummy!

AtomicBlondeRose · 23/06/2023 18:40

I usually have to race home from work just to catch the tail end of any fair or event so certainly don’t have even half an hour to give to help. Any teacher parent will definitely struggle ever to volunteer.

crazyaboutcats · 23/06/2023 18:41

Just step away. Why are you doing two volunteer jobs in top of FT 12+ days and being a parent?

RidingMyBike · 23/06/2023 18:42

We've just had an update from school moaning about lack of volunteers for the school fair. They didn't mention they'd forgotten to include a link in the mailing to sign up! If you want people to volunteer make it as straightforward as possible!

I have just signed up. They have slots between all day set up, then 3pm - 7pm when it ends. Work commitments mean I'm not available until 6pm and I'm not using up annual leave for a school fair!

ContinuousProcrastination · 23/06/2023 18:43

Are you well known at the school? Do you have relationships with the people you're asking? People are always more likely to help a friend. I hate it, but networking is really important in these things.

This is so true. I know everyone and am not above saying "sarah, i'll put you down for x shall i" or "becky you fucking owe me a favour go on mate do it."

DelphiniumBlue · 23/06/2023 18:43

I used to find that people were more likely to respond positively if you ask them in person, face to face, directly..eg Jane, can you do the rat stall next Saturday? rather sending open emails/ group WhatsApps. For the really shy types who don't mix well, I'd say can you help me on the x stall? I need help setting up/ an extra pair of hands- let them know they won't have to do it alone.

WafflingDreamer · 23/06/2023 18:44

I've been on a preschool committee and the only time it worked was when they had socials and one of the popular mums recruited all her friends.

We are always asked to help out at PTCA events but I have a toddler as well as 2 school age children and its not as easy as he can help on the stall, also for young children half an hour is a long time. I'm very introverted and I'd rather donate money to the PTCA than have to man a stall. Also its not just the summer fayre, before the end of this school year we have a disco, class photos, class tea towel, sponsored swim, teacher gift, buying snacks and drinks at sports day.

Our teachers all man a stall at the summer fayre which seems sad as if they aren't busy enough

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/06/2023 18:45

I don't volunteer for a thing, as I work full time. Neither does my dh. Funnily enough though, dad's are never vilified for not volunteering, just the mams.

In my defence I never expect a single volunteer event to happen either as that's a ball ache to attend too.

NowYouSee · 23/06/2023 18:45

The way I’ve seen it filled the best is that each class has the responsibility to man one stall via the parents. So Mrs Smith’s reception class parent group has bat the rat, Mr Ahmed’s class are the raffle etc. I think it is far harder to dodge helping if you can when you’re in a smaller group and there are spaces to be filled.

Also have you got your y5 and y6 helping? No reason they can’t man a stall with one adult supervisor. With praise at school if they come and help.

Iwishicouldflyhigh · 23/06/2023 18:45

OhmygodDont · 23/06/2023 18:04

Well if I volunteer who will be watching my children. I work school hours dh doesn’t so he would be at work.

I mean I was a pta Chair with a 2/5/8 year old and managed it…. They just run around feral and ‘help’ . They had a ball actually.

Heatherbell1978 · 23/06/2023 18:45

I do think an active PTA is quite area-dependent. At our PS it's what all the SAHMs do and we're in a fairly affluent area so not too short of volunteers. I stay well clear as I have a busy full time job and kids in lots of activities through the week. If I didn't work I'd happily help out.

soundsys · 23/06/2023 18:46

Callipsi · 23/06/2023 18:17

I wouldn’t leave my y5 unattended for half an hour at a public event.

Eh? At an event in their school with their friends? Seems a tad overprotective! Don't they walk themselves to school?

Goldbar · 23/06/2023 18:46

Everyone just sucks it up and volunteers at my DC's school. It is made clear that the expectation is one 'volunteer' per family for at least half an hour unless you have a decent excuse.

Poolnoodlepoodle · 23/06/2023 18:47

"The worst was ‘show us who you are day’ for the food bank… so parents had to organise their kids’ accessories to reflect their interests, and in exchange donate to the food bank. JUST ASK FOR FOOD BANK DONATIONS!!!!!!!

I am sick of it tbh. Just ask for donations instead of all the rubbish events."

This This This!!! I absolutely don't begrudge the school my money but I LOATHE the elaborate crap that surrounds me sending in a couple of quid. I wish you could just give them £100 at the start of the year and be done with it. Everyone's lives would be easier.

Original poster
FishfingerFlinger · 23/06/2023 18:47

DelphiniumBlue · 23/06/2023 18:43

I used to find that people were more likely to respond positively if you ask them in person, face to face, directly..eg Jane, can you do the rat stall next Saturday? rather sending open emails/ group WhatsApps. For the really shy types who don't mix well, I'd say can you help me on the x stall? I need help setting up/ an extra pair of hands- let them know they won't have to do it alone.

Maybe this is the problem. I'm never at pick up or drop off and wouldn't know half the class parents if I fell over them.

OP posts:
crazyaboutcats · 23/06/2023 18:47

SunnyFrost · 23/06/2023 18:22

This is my absolute least favourite thing about having children at school, the constant moans and nagging to volunteer my time for the PTA and events. I have an almost full time job and another small child. I have hobbies and a house to renovate. I do not have time or energy to spend on school related volunteering. I will happily donate money, but I am not in a position to donate my time. Funnily enough these committees would NEVER guilt trip parents who are cash poor to donate money they don’t have, so why they feel entitled to demand time from people who have literally none, is beyond me.

Frankly I couldn’t give a shit if the summer fayre didn’t happen - it would be far more efficient if we all just donated £20 and gave up on the whole debacle. Three months of unpleasant passive aggressive messages beforehand, about how the event CAN’T POSSIBLY GO AHEAD if we don’t get more volunteers, simply aren’t worth it.

The worst are the demands to make things to be sold at the fayre, which cost more to put together than they sell them for 🤯 Cut out the middle man and just donate the money to the school - saves time and wastage.

I know I’m being a Scrooge but honestly, it drives me nuts. You are not entitled to my time just because I send my child to get an education there.

This this this. And never let them know you can face paint or sew!

My poor Mum first a parent and then a teacher would be handed bags upon bags of fabric (used clothes) to "wip up some bunting in x colours.... Oh about xxx meters should do" (enough for the entire perimeter of the school grounds. And then for the day itself on face painting duty all day, no break and no shade all to raise about £5

budgiegirl · 23/06/2023 18:48

I think those who are saying that they'd rather throw £20 at it, and not volunteer, are forgetting that many of these events are fun for the children, as well as fundraisers. It's a sort of right of passage, isn't it? I loved school discos/christmas fairs as a child, and I know my (now adult) children did too.

I do understand that lots of parents are time poor, that is the way of the world now, but if you have time to attend the event, then you have time to spend 1/2 hour of it manning a stall.

If you genuinely don't have time to take your children to these events, then fair enough, but I think this is rarer than many parents would have you believe.

TulipofUtrecht · 23/06/2023 18:48

Things that put me off are:

  1. Vague calls for help without any specifics about what they want. This makes me worried about volunteering in case I am roped into more than I want to do. 'We need people to help set up and clear up afterwards' - I might have to be there for 3+ hours? What would I do with my DC? She would run around and I'd spend the whole time trying to watch her.
  2. The weather. Last year it was absolutely boiling. We burn very easily. I could only be at the event for 15 minutes and had to leave! What if I commit and then can't escape if I need to?
  3. 30 minute time slots - all well and good but what if no one turns up after 30 minutes and I am trapped?
  4. Social awkwardness. I volunteered to help with a bake sale and turned up with a smile and hello to all the other helpers. They were quite standoffish! I never know what to say to people and the thought of it is enough. Sometimes they are bustling about complaining that people aren't doing enough and that makes me feel really awful! I'd rather just stay out of it.
  5. Exhaustion/needing the freedom at the weekend to be able to change my mind about plans and decide not to go if we don't fancy it.

So what could you do to encourage people to help? I imagine specific timed jobs would help - it sounds like you are already doing the 30 min slots though. Maybe having more of a consistent, friendly presence at the school so people know who you are and feel confident that it isn't going to be awkward etc?

Oysterbabe · 23/06/2023 18:48

Our PTA allocates 2 stalls to each class and then it's for that class to keep them manned. It usually works out well. No reason the children can't help, my y2 loved helping me on the refreshments stand.

Original poster
FishfingerFlinger · 23/06/2023 18:49

NowYouSee · 23/06/2023 18:45

The way I’ve seen it filled the best is that each class has the responsibility to man one stall via the parents. So Mrs Smith’s reception class parent group has bat the rat, Mr Ahmed’s class are the raffle etc. I think it is far harder to dodge helping if you can when you’re in a smaller group and there are spaces to be filled.

Also have you got your y5 and y6 helping? No reason they can’t man a stall with one adult supervisor. With praise at school if they come and help.

That's basically the set up we've got.

OP posts:
willstarttomorrow · 23/06/2023 18:49

Unfortunately you cannot. Same with Beavers, Cubs etc. Increasingly there are a significant cohort of parents who expect these things to just happen but do not see any irony when it stops because fewer people see it as a collective responsibility. I get people are busy, I work full time in child protection and for the last 9 years have been a single, widowed parent. The reality is it is just not about being busy, there have been many times I have really not wanted to go to a governors meeting or in the past stopped to help out with scouts etc because I am knackered. But actually it is a few hours here and there and far more people could actually help out on an ad hoc basis than would care to admit it.