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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he should take his own child to school?

489 replies

ApplesandOrangesandPears · 23/06/2023 08:40

I have a neighbour who's child is my daughters class, every day this past week this child has showed up at my door unaccompanied to go to school with us - this would be fine but my child has ADHD and mornings are chaotic and difficult. I don't have this child's parents phone numbers, and don't know exactly where they live! However I just saw the parent in their car driving away as I was trying to bundle all 3 children across the car park.....this child is very young and so I don't feel comfortable sending them home alone and clearly the parent isn't waiting for them to get home before leaving themselves! I don't have any contact with these parents so if something were to happen I wouldn't be able to let them know, we are also going away soon and won't be able to take him to school! AIBU to think this is really cheeky of the parents and that you shouldn't just assume another parent will take yours to school with no prior conversation at all!

OP posts:
TalkingSchist · 23/06/2023 14:08

LadyBird1973 · 23/06/2023 14:00

Don't let this become the default arrangement, even if you eventually meet the other parent and they ask you. What happens when your own child isn't in school one day? Having gone through the primary school years with 4 kids, I strongly advise against becoming a cheeky fuckers free childcare arrangement!

At 7, some kids do walk themselves to school, if it's very close by and no busy roads. I'd never have allowed it with my kids but some parents really are more negligent relaxed about child safety. So it could be the parents think it's okay to let him go by himself. I'd talk to the school because you really don't want this to become your responsibility by default.

Allowing a child to walk to school alone isn’t necessarily negligent. In fact, it can be an excellent way for them to learn independence in a relatively safe setting.

Nordicrain · 23/06/2023 14:08

Report to the school 100%

Luxell934 · 23/06/2023 14:11

ApplesandOrangesandPears · 23/06/2023 14:06

No that definitely wasn't me this is a new situation and I'm struggling to believe the cheek of it myself.

Show quote history

Tell us what the child actually said when they turned up OP otherwise this is all pointless. I think it's strange your avoiding this question.

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 23/06/2023 14:13

ApplesandOrangesandPears · 23/06/2023 09:50

I feel like dropping off a child at a police station when they're supposed to be in school would be traumatic for the child - they are expected in school and are obviously safe while there. The school are aware of the mornings now (although children can walk to and from school alone apparently and there's no law about the age). But frankly, yes if a 7 year old is going to be walking alone then I would rather that they knocked on my door. I do know that there class teacher makes sure a parent is there before releasing them at the end of the day (as they do at after school clubs as well) so the child obviously does get picked up by someone.

From the OP about 5 hours ago. AFTER SHE TOLD THE SCHOOL

The school are aware of the mornings now (although children can walk to and from school alone apparently and there's no law about the age)

@Nordicrain

islandofserenity · 23/06/2023 14:14

StuartBroadshairband · 23/06/2023 13:33

I'd be reading the thread before making myself into an idiot by being the hundred and eighteenth person to say the same thing, but we're not all the same are we?

lol!! I just about spat out my coffee reading this!
Just to add my tuppence worth - our primary school allows children to walk home from aged 8. Very few do though.

WTF475878237NC · 23/06/2023 14:15

Aren't you training to be a midwife? Get some common sense! You should never have just taken this random kid that showed up at your door to school. Why on earth you did it repeatedly is unfathomable to me. I would have phoned the school from my house to say there was a safeguarding issue and did they want to call the parents before I called SS.

Userno464836383737363744 · 23/06/2023 14:15

I would be asking the kid to show you where they live. I’d also be contacting the school.

there used to be someone similar like this here. She’d randomly knock on people’s doors asking them to take her kid (at least this one knocked and asked I guess!), in the afternoons she’d beg other parents to pick the kid up and walk them home to older sister - 11 year old year 7 child who’d get home just after, the 11 year old would look after him for a few hours, the school would never release the younger child that also has SEN to the 11 year old so she’d cover it up !

anyway, for other reasons too she hasn’t got her kids anymore!

WTF475878237NC · 23/06/2023 14:16

Luxell934 · 23/06/2023 14:11

Tell us what the child actually said when they turned up OP otherwise this is all pointless. I think it's strange your avoiding this question.

Show quote history

A PP has said similar. Something is amiss...

bladebladebla1 · 23/06/2023 14:21

Wow that's odd

Helleboreplant · 23/06/2023 14:22

What if u had an accident on way to school. Who would you phone??

diddl · 23/06/2023 14:26

So when the child showed up on the frst day-what did they say/why duíd you take them?

TalkingSchist · 23/06/2023 14:26

Helleboreplant · 23/06/2023 14:22

What if u had an accident on way to school. Who would you phone??

Depends what kind of accident?

If she pished herself I dare say she’d have called her husband.

If she got injured, probably 999.

SittingHereInLimbo · 23/06/2023 14:38

ButterCrackers · 23/06/2023 10:36

Ah the op had made additional posts? I was replying to the first post of that this thread is based on. The OP should have clearly stated that she walks. Thank you for your clarification.
This is a safeguarding issue due to lack of communication from the kids parent. I’d tell the child that we were walking later and that they should continue on their way to school as their parents have agreed for them to do. It sounds difficult with the op’s other child to have this kid tag along.

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It's often useful to RTFT before commenting. HTH

Nordicrain · 23/06/2023 14:59

Jeez aggressive thread 😬

Original poster
ApplesandOrangesandPears · 23/06/2023 15:00

I'm not avoiding questions, I am working hence unable to reply quickly. On the first day he knocked and we were actually ready to leave and so as we walked out I asked him if his dad was waiting for us round the corner, to which he shrugged and said said he thought his dad had gone on ahead so i said we'd catch up (his dad was nowhere to be seen), the next day he knocked and my child was having a meltdown down about being unable to find school shoes which was descending into chaos so I opened the door to him and told him that we were running late and did he want to go back to his dad, he was still there when we left but by this point I was dealing with the aftermath of a meltdown so other than normal how are you, has your dad gone on ahead? We didn't have much of a conversation. On Wednesday again, we were running very late this time he said my dad told me to come here and so I told him he'd have to come in and wait then because we were all rushing around, yesterday admittedly my child went yo breakfast club and so I'm not sure if he knocked (I'm now assuming he must have done hut we weren't there) and obviously I explained what happened this morning. It does seem like he is being told to come to mine by his parents, and seems confused when I've asked him what he does if I'm not here, and just shrugs.

It is only a short walk and my child tends to take over the conversation for the entire walk as well so it's not that I don't talk to the child at all but they do run ahead a bit and chatter together while I'm walking slowly with my youngest.

OP posts:
NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 23/06/2023 15:01

SittingHereInLimbo · 23/06/2023 14:38

It's often useful to RTFT before commenting. HTH

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🤣 there have been so many of them now I actually think they're doing it on purpose.

Sj07 · 23/06/2023 15:02

Have had similar things happen several times over my 13 years of being a parent so far. Kids turning up at 8am during holidays to play in our garden, no phone numbers for parents, the kid stays all day, rain or shine, doesn't even get called home to collect a jacket let alone have dinner. I've ended up just writing a note and sending it home with the kid. Several times with several different kids. It's crazy how relaxed(?) some peoples approach to parenting is.

ButterCrackers · 23/06/2023 15:02

SittingHereInLimbo · 23/06/2023 14:38

It's often useful to RTFT before commenting. HTH

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It might help you to read my comment first before you comment on it - I was commenting on the OP HTH

Bellaboo01 · 23/06/2023 15:06

ChocChipHandbag · 23/06/2023 11:53

Obviously you firstly need to read all OP’s posts.

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I have.

What have i said that you disagree with?

A child she doesnt know lands on her doorstep who is very young and she is expected to take him to school. She doesnt know where he lives, who his parents are etc etc. Clearly this needs to be reported.

SittingHereInLimbo · 23/06/2023 15:10

ButterCrackers · 23/06/2023 15:02

It might help you to read my comment first before you comment on it - I was commenting on the OP HTH

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That was my point. If you'd read the full thread you'd have realised the OP had already clarified that issue.

ButterCrackers · 23/06/2023 15:12

ApplesandOrangesandPears · 23/06/2023 15:00

I'm not avoiding questions, I am working hence unable to reply quickly. On the first day he knocked and we were actually ready to leave and so as we walked out I asked him if his dad was waiting for us round the corner, to which he shrugged and said said he thought his dad had gone on ahead so i said we'd catch up (his dad was nowhere to be seen), the next day he knocked and my child was having a meltdown down about being unable to find school shoes which was descending into chaos so I opened the door to him and told him that we were running late and did he want to go back to his dad, he was still there when we left but by this point I was dealing with the aftermath of a meltdown so other than normal how are you, has your dad gone on ahead? We didn't have much of a conversation. On Wednesday again, we were running very late this time he said my dad told me to come here and so I told him he'd have to come in and wait then because we were all rushing around, yesterday admittedly my child went yo breakfast club and so I'm not sure if he knocked (I'm now assuming he must have done hut we weren't there) and obviously I explained what happened this morning. It does seem like he is being told to come to mine by his parents, and seems confused when I've asked him what he does if I'm not here, and just shrugs.

It is only a short walk and my child tends to take over the conversation for the entire walk as well so it's not that I don't talk to the child at all but they do run ahead a bit and chatter together while I'm walking slowly with my youngest.

What if your child is off school? Could this child walk to school on their own? My kids take public transport to school from one town to another by themselves and are now old enough to manage each on their own but previously it involved organising. Are you the person that the other parent is relying on?

ButterCrackers · 23/06/2023 15:14

SittingHereInLimbo · 23/06/2023 15:10

That was my point. If you'd read the full thread you'd have realised the OP had already clarified that issue.

Show quote history

I was commenting on the opening post of this thread. I stated that clearly but you are unable to think that through. If Mumsnet requires all the posts to be read before commenting then do report my post and your own.

diddl · 23/06/2023 15:17

So on the first day you didn't tell him not to call again?

Sigmama · 23/06/2023 15:19

What does HTH mean

Bagofmaltesers · 23/06/2023 15:23

I would not take a random child in my car. Who knows how things could proceed if you had an accident or indeed what allegations could be made. In fact, the same issues would concern me even if walking the child to school. I think I might just ring the (non emergency) police number or social services and tell them that a child keeps turning up at your door and see what advice they would give.