To think he should take his own child to school?

[ApplesandOrangesandPears]

I have a neighbour who's child is my daughters class, every day this past week this child has showed up at my door unaccompanied to go to school with us - this would be fine but my child has ADHD and mornings are chaotic and difficult. I don't have this child's parents phone numbers, and don't know exactly where they live! However I just saw the parent in their car driving away as I was trying to bundle all 3 children across the car park.....this child is very young and so I don't feel comfortable sending them home alone and clearly the parent isn't waiting for them to get home before leaving themselves! I don't have any contact with these parents so if something were to happen I wouldn't be able to let them know, we are also going away soon and won't be able to take him to school! AIBU to think this is really cheeky of the parents and that you shouldn't just assume another parent will take yours to school with no prior conversation at all!

Read the OP’s posts. She doesn’t drive - they walk to school.

You need to tell the school immediately! Complete safeguarding issue.

This is just plain ridiculous.

God the hysteria. A perfectly lovely 7 year old is dropped off by a parent to walk a short distance to school with their friend and their parent, picked up at the end of the day by their own dad, and you’re all frothing at the mouth and telling this woman to call social services and branding it neglect?! Granted OP didn’t consent to this arrangement, and I get OP being annoyed (and resentful it sounds like, at this parents perceived ability to not give a shit while you’re running around mad), and I might be too, but a word with the parent about your busy mornings is more than enough if you don’t want him to walk with you. And you’d probably find there’s a connection to be made if so. No one’s life is any easier than yours is the thing I tend to find when I quit being furious and take a breath. If the kid likes you all and prefers to walk in with you guys than get dropped at school it’s hardly a reason to call the cops.
Please don’t follow this horrible frothing judgmental kindness vacuum of advice. What a horrible, horrible place mumsnet is.

It’s always a good idea to RTFT (read the full thread) or at the very least all of an OP’s updates before commenting (click ‘See all’ under any of OP’s posts):

ApplesandOrangesandPears · Yesterday
15:00
…yesterday admittedly my child went to breakfast club and so I'm not sure if he knocked (I'm now assuming he must have done hut we weren't there)….

OP dropped off one of her two children to the school’s Breakfast Club (Wrap Around Care) on Thursday. School Wrap Around Care sessions usually have to be booked in advance and are not free. OP did not mention breakfast being interrupted when the neighbour’s child unexpectedly turned up at her door four times last week. OP also did not state that they felt responsible for giving the neighbour’s child breakfast in their home.

And if the parents had had the conversation with the op (as I said) and got details etc then the not being there situation wouldn't arise.

But there has not been a conversation, and that is what is being discussed on this thread. Depending on a person’s availability, personal circumstances and other commitments, I think most people wouldn’t mind occasionally or even regularly including other people’s children on the school run, myself included - but communication between myself and the child’s parent would need to take place beforehand. We our the adults/responsible parents, therefore, our children would not be making any arrangements for us on our behalf, and definitely not without prior discussion with the child’s parents.

Because DP and I both work, we share the school runs for our Yr3 DC. Even though I am fortunate to work school hours, and mainly WFH, I cannot be in two places at the same time as our DC attend different schools with different school day timings, and both DC have extra curricular sports club timetables outside of school hours.
We currently share a car pool re. a very early morning school sports club for Yr7 DC and their classmate. DP and I are sharing one car ATM, so other parents drop our Yr7 DC home after school clubs 1-2 times per wk during the darker Winter months or I meet DC at the bus stop. On the rare occasions when neither DP or I can do the AM school run due to my office commute and/or DP’s early morning meetings or business travel abroad, we then we ask our eldest DC to help out as they tend to start work later in the day. If that’s not an option, we will then try to get an ad hoc space in the school Breakfast Club.
It does take a village to raise a child. It works because we communicate and share the load between us. It works because all parents involved have had discussions beforehand and none of us feel ambushed.

In addition, our DC’s would not be allowed to walk anywhere accompanied at age 7, including entering a new school parent’s/new neighbours home, unless I or DP had at the very least met the parents first and had been invited in, if only very briefly for a cup of tea/coffee. These people are strangers until then, and DP and I would be strangers to a new neighbour’s child. It is absolutely necessary to lay eyes on the parent/s and to exchange a few basic pleasantries for at least a month or so before handing over your child into the care of other people. This is basic safeguarding.

I don't even think he is being dropped off at the OP's house. He's just turning up there himself and asking to walk with them. When the OP isn't in he must just walk the short distance to school by himself.

When the child is 17 instead of 7 parents will wish for this problem to be the problem of the year. I realize in the adult world today everyone is concerned about their own anxiety, adhd, sensory, mental health label that maybe was missed in childhood when the world was not so kind, but for the majority of people even the mental health aware, they will shun the people who legitimately have these issues for these issues since is more work as they get older. Like having a 4th person walking on the sidewalk in a free country being a problem. 7 year olds are kind. For 30 year olds it’s work. To the other parent their child isn’t work. Their child is independent. Another person brought up culture. In many countries this is odd having to stand next to a child in public. Japan, South Korea, Israel and many more places this just isn’t so. A kid can walk to school, go to the store and buy something all alone. It’s just a misunderstanding that the now safe, clean, rich country they live in requires primary school students to be with an adult at all times in public.

I would go straight to the school office with this child and explain what has been happening and they would have no choice but to contact the parents on your behalf. It would also be logged by the school which would look really bad for them.

I would also wait for these cheeky fuckers no matter how busy my mornings were and tell them they don’t deserve to be parents. They’re lucky you care about this child welfare, they clearly don’t, you could be anybody (no offense).

Yes.

@House12 again, OP NEVER MET THE PARENTS AND HAS NO IDEA WHO THEY ARE AND NO ONE ASKED HER IF SHE IS OK WITH LOOKING AFTER THIS CHILD. Don't you think its even a little bit weird?...like, its fine in your universe? People are shocked because normally in this situation parents at least introduce themselves and say something, I don't know, like "can you take our child to school today?"

What if OP is not at home - what will happen to this kid? he stays on his own in the middle of the road? The parents are neglectful, no way around it.

Yep.
It's what in the normal world we call "calling for the other kid in your class who lives near you and walking to school together".

Not strange really - he's 7. You never know who they're going to tell what to. He may have told his dad "the lady said it's OK". Granted, the parents should have still approached OP for introductions not only for the sake of their child, but because it would be the proper thing to do. Before I'd get the school or authorities involved, I'd give the child a note for his parents, explain the situation and ask them to stop by your house. They may be thoughtless buttheads or they may be loving parents; you just don't know until you meet adult to adult rather than through the word of 7 year olds.

I where I live it’s normal (/required) for kids to walk on their own to school from 4yo (and once they’re 7yo the school would be contacting the parents if they’re still being walked to school every day…).

That said - it’s not the expectation/norm in the UK and it’s strange that the parents haven’t discussed it with you. I’d speak to them asap (either directly if you know where they live or via the school). Good luck OP.

In my world, if he can walk by himself the he should. But 7yo is too young for that so I would say school should know.

It's what in the normal world we call "calling for the other kid in your class who lives near you and walking to school together".

Usually though at least the other kid will know about it!

True!

This is a safeguarding cause for concern and you must report it to the school.

She did. Yesterday.

Exactly this.

it looks like this issue is seen very differently by people living in rural quiet areas and by someone living in lager towns/ cities. Maybe in a small place with tiny roads and everyhting close together this kind of situation is totally normal, I don't know. Would be mega weird and unacceptable in London, for example.

Yes, exactly this in is the U.K. where norms are different. I live in London where younger kids walking to school and playing out, out of sight of your parents for hours used to be the norm everywhere in the U.K. 30-40 years ago. It’s not like this anymore.

Some pp appear to be posting from the States or other countries where the culture around this is completely different.

I’ve seen 7 year olds walking into the forest to get to school before the sun has come up in a Nordic country. This is normal over there.

Yeah, that comment about ADHD kids and friendships is either really ignorant, snide or both.

Having trouble making friendships isn't synonymous with ADHD. I have ADHD myself, and always had loads of mates as a child.

Lots of other ADHD people I know are very sociable. What a weird comment.

The parents need to know that on the occasion you have to stay home and look after your sick kids off school / take them off to dentist/whatever, that their child will be walking solo. If they at least showed their face dropping them off at your door they'd know the situation each day and not be presumptuous.

YES - AT LAST!!!!! After 15 pages and hundreds of messages @Jeannie88 has said the answer!!! Oh Jeannie - what would do without your amazing insight! Only after hundred of people have said the same thing ad nauseum and the OP spoke to the school yesterday....

FFS - is it the heat getting to people? Or just sheer laziness not to read ANY of the OP's updates.

PEOPLE -

SHE HAS SPOKEN TO THE SCHOOL

SHE DOESNT DRIVE TO SCHOOL, SO THE KID IS NOT GETTING INTO HER CAR

The child can point out where they live. Then drop them at school and then go home and visit the family. At least talk to them before involving anyone else. If there is a good explanation then situation can be resolved. If no good explanation then they deserve to have the school or social workers poking around! Its a big ol' can of worms so be sure that you want to open it!