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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To protect my home before moving in DP

57 replies

bombemma · 22/06/2023 09:01

A little king in the tooth and been stung previously, although that was a marriage so the legalisation is clear.

Me and my DP are going to move in together, for various reasons it makes more sense for him and his 2 children to move into mine.

I've a lot of equity in my house, no pension and a single mum to 2 children so need to protect my only asset carefully.

Obvs not planning for anything to go wrong but I need to be careful.

Does anyone have any experience advice?

OP posts:
jackstini · 22/06/2023 09:04

If you are not married and keep his name off the mortgage & deeds, then he would have no claim

Should things go pear shaped, you just ask him to leave

How will he be contributing - will he be paying rent? Covering bills? Food?

GOODCAT · 22/06/2023 09:05

Sign a co-occupation agreement where you both disclose your assets in full and waive your interests in each others assets. Be clear about what you will each pay for.

He will still potentially be able to claim against your estate if he is financially dependent on you.

LittleOwl153 · 22/06/2023 09:08

Go talk to a solicitor and explain what you need. Don't think this is a scenario you can afford to DIY and risk getting it wrong.

Where is he living now? If he owns his own property and can keep it (rent it maybe or sell up and buy something to rent) that will put you in a safer position as he's less dependant on you.

Thepeopleversuswork · 22/06/2023 09:12

Cohabitation agreement. and deed of trust I'm in a similar position now: moving in with my DP (not married and won't get married). You can legally determine the share of the equity which each partner owns.

In your case this isn't strictly necessary and as long as you keep him off the deeds its fairly straightforward: thankfully you're not married but whatever you do don't get married, that could potentially be disastrous. And don't let him become financially dependent on you. He has to work/contribute if he's living with you.

But a cohabitation agreement is a good insurance policy too if you can afford one. Will give you the peace of mind of knowing you have a legal document.

greencheetah · 22/06/2023 09:13

Why are you doing this? I can see how it benefits him, but what is the benefit for you?

Do you have room for another two children without changing rooms etc for your own DC? How old are all the DC and how do your DC feel about it?

I cannot imagine doing this to be honest. Much nicer to just date him surely and keep your lovely home and family life as it is?

MsPussinBoots · 22/06/2023 09:14

I'm halfway through drafting a cohabitation agreement with a solicitor at the moment, it's at least £500 but should protect my house if it all goes wrong. Just paying towards bills is ok but if he starts contributing towards a new bathroom/kitchen/extension then it can get messy.

Original poster
bombemma · 22/06/2023 21:15

Ah ok, so as long as he doesn't become dependent on me things are less complicated. Definitely wouldn't be going on the deeds, I wouldn't allow my mother to go on them if it ever came to it, this house is everything to ensure me and my children have a safe future

OP posts:
Original poster
bombemma · 22/06/2023 21:16

MsPussinBoots · 22/06/2023 09:14

I'm halfway through drafting a cohabitation agreement with a solicitor at the moment, it's at least £500 but should protect my house if it all goes wrong. Just paying towards bills is ok but if he starts contributing towards a new bathroom/kitchen/extension then it can get messy.

Thank you x

OP posts:
Catsmere · 23/06/2023 05:15

Why have him move in at all?

Chatillon · 23/06/2023 05:19

Co-habitation agreement. I am surprised this is not more common knowledge than it is.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 23/06/2023 05:25

Do your two DC even want him and his DC to move into their house?

Original poster
bombemma · 23/06/2023 11:50

Ye everyone is up for moving in, I'm slightly apprehensive due to work load but I'm being told everyone will muck in.

Want to move in really because neither of us likes being without the other, the kids all get on, we're often all at each others houses etc,

My DP is a single dad who has his children all the time so spending time together always includes the children.

OP posts:
SeulementUneFois · 23/06/2023 11:55

The work load angle is really risky.
Can you do a good few practice weekends or even bits of longer times, to see to what extent they would actually help with the housework etc.

TomatoSandwiches · 23/06/2023 11:57

Why does it make more sense for him to move in with you?

Paq · 23/06/2023 11:59

He also needs to take legal advice and protect his financial future. You could in theory chuck him and his children out at a moments notice so he’s very vulnerable.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 23/06/2023 12:40

Ye everyone is up for moving in, I'm slightly apprehensive due to work load but I'm being told everyone will muck in.

Is he the one driving the move?

CoachBeardsJane · 23/06/2023 12:43

actually if he's paying you into your account and then you pay your mortgage out of that account he would have a stake in the property if he could prove he paid towards the house so have him pay into a different account and don't use it for mortgage, use it for food costs etc

theemmadilemma · 23/06/2023 12:44

Defo co-habitation agreement, I had one done before I married ex-hub but moved him into my house.

And actually it helped the financial settlement in the divorce. lol

pinkyredrose · 23/06/2023 12:47

I'm slightly apprehensive due to work load but I'm being told everyone will muck in.

That could be famous last words.

How old are his kids, will any of the kids have to share rooms?

DelurkingLawyer · 23/06/2023 12:56

I am sorry but the very first answer you have received is bollocks.

The whole point about recent cases on this issue is that a cohabitee who did not have their name on the deeds, nevertheless acquired legal rights to a property. There are all sorts of ways this can happen but it all boils down to someone making a financial contribution to the household on the stated or implied assumption that in so doing they acquire a right to a share in the property. It does not have to amount to being named on the mortgage or not being named but contributing to the mortgage either. It can be another financial commitment like paying for major works. You may find this useful: https://www.lawsociety.org.uk/public/for-public-visitors/common-legal-issues/cohabitation-your-rights#:~:text=GOV.UK%20website.-,You%20own%20the%20property%20together,be%20changed%20by%20your%20will.

As PP have said the way to prevent this from arising is to have a cohabitation agreement.

The Law Society

Cohabitation – your rights

https://www.lawsociety.org.uk/public/for-public-visitors/common-legal-issues/cohabitation-your-rights#:~:text=GOV.UK%20website.-,You%20own%20the%20property%20together,be%20changed%20by%20your%20will.

Pinkdelight3 · 23/06/2023 12:57

Definitely protect your assets - worth getting it done officially so it's super-clear as these things sadly often go pears and then it gets nasty. Also gotta say, I get that you love him and all that, but you're already busy and you're voluntarily going from a nice home with your two DC to a blended set-up with 4 DC. That's so much work and more than double the potential for conflicts and aggro. It seems like a no-brainer to wait until the kids have grown up. But maybe he's a rare angel who will ease your workload and pay his and DC's share without expecting a stake in the property. Unlikely though, sad to say.

SunSurfSand · 23/06/2023 13:02

"I'm being told everyone will muck in"

That's exactly what a man would tell a woman he is hoping will do all the wife work for him.

CalistoNoSolo · 23/06/2023 13:04

greencheetah · 22/06/2023 09:13

Why are you doing this? I can see how it benefits him, but what is the benefit for you?

Do you have room for another two children without changing rooms etc for your own DC? How old are all the DC and how do your DC feel about it?

I cannot imagine doing this to be honest. Much nicer to just date him surely and keep your lovely home and family life as it is?

Same. What's the point of this?

Stratocumulus · 23/06/2023 13:04

You absolutely must do your research.
See a solicitor too. You are taking a massive risk.

One thing a friend of mine found out is don’t let him pay you “rent” or “mortgage share” or “food” into your bank account.

Make it “incidentals” for the benefit of your statement.

Take advice about all this kind of thing. Secure your future. It’s a minefield.

Stratocumulus · 23/06/2023 13:08

SunSurfSand · 23/06/2023 13:02

"I'm being told everyone will muck in"

That's exactly what a man would tell a woman he is hoping will do all the wife work for him.

This too as above!

Along with “I’ll do anything you ask me to do.”
Well how about taking the initiative without me asking?

Maybe we’re all a load of cynics but we’re all truly hoping it works out for you.