To protect my home before moving in DP

[bombemma]

A little king in the tooth and been stung previously, although that was a marriage so the legalisation is clear.

Me and my DP are going to move in together, for various reasons it makes more sense for him and his 2 children to move into mine.

I've a lot of equity in my house, no pension and a single mum to 2 children so need to protect my only asset carefully.

Obvs not planning for anything to go wrong but I need to be careful.

Does anyone have any experience advice?

I just wouldn't do this. I wouldn't risk my independence and the well-being of my children for any man. I think that this move won't be good for either set of children.

Agree with every word of this.

Even if you're all up for it, OP, it sounds as if you have the ideal set-up as it is - great relationship, all the children get on, and you both have your own spaces and the children have their own homes. That's an awful lot to lose.

When I moved in with ex DH, pre marriage, I made him sign a lodger's contract and his contribution was rent. Meant when we split post marriage he got half the equity incurred during our short (2.5 years) marriage as opposed to the c.8 years we'd be living together. Made a MASSIVE difference and very easy to do.

Get legal advice with regards to the children, depending on the situation it's possible he would be able to apply to court to remain in the property if you break up. The children will make a difference.

Ye everyone is up for moving in, I'm slightly apprehensive due to work load but I'm being told everyone will muck in.

What kind of place does he live in now? How do the children treat the furniture and other possessions? Quite honestly there will be so much more mess with four kids and another adult in the house. I think you're mad!

And financially, I think he should pay you rent as well as half the bills and food etc. I know on here people hate women who "charge men rent" as though men are children, but why should he live without paying rent?

Look at what he's paying now and what he gets for that. He'll save money on bills by living with you. There's no reason he should save on rent.

Put the rent money into your pension fund. If you're still together at that point, he'll benefit, too.

Op are you INSANE !!!

This is MN and you have children.. how very dare you consider having a cohabitating relationship with someone who is not their father !!!

You are a selfish selfish woman for wanting to share your home with a man you love and both your kids.

Take your self outside. Find some thistles and beat yourself soundly. Then find an old sack smear yourself with ashes and climb in. You must then stay there until you have seen the error of your ways to EVER consider a new partner .

Or just get a cohabitation agreement and enjoy your new blended family .

How old are all the children?

Oh, don't be silly, @MIBnightmare !

@bombemma You really must talk to a solicitor. And so should he, actually. You need to have the legalities sorted out.
You need to arrange how he pays his way for him and his children.
You need to have a serious conversation about who does what in terms of housework and childcare "we'll all muck in" isn't good enough.

Getting everything sorted out BEFORE he moves in gives you the best possible chance of a happy future.

speak to a solicitor- don’t ask randoms on the internet!

See a solicitor. It's worth doing to make sure everything is sorted. And much more reliable than relying the legal advice of strangers on an internet forum :)

I agree with @CurlewKate

'Oh We'll all muck in' is vague and I wouldn't put any faith at all in it.

Try a tool like this www.scribd.com/document/574111281/checklist-for-gender-equality-in-your-everyday-life

Or the fair play game.

Make a list of every chore and responsibility and divide them proportionally in writing. Make it clear you expect him to take full responsibility and not ever need to be prompted.

There are women on this app everyday who have moved in with men with children and suddenly found themselves doing all the grunt work while being told they aren't the parent and have no say in how the child is raised. You have the added bonus of providing everyone with housing with apparently no rent.

What will he do with the money he is saving on rent? Is he going to be accumulating savings for himself while you house his children?

I can see how someone could become financially dependent on another, without them really realising until it's too late. They lose their job, promise they'll get another, make all the right noises so you trust and support them in this difficult time, months later still haven't done it. Same could happen with illness though less intentional.

I'd get him to pay half the food bill, half the gas, electricity and water and half council tax. Then he needs to pay you rent for the use of rooms in your house. Don't let him ever pay for anything structural, or towards the mortgage. I'd ask for cash nothing into your bank account.

@Paq made a good point too - your partner would potentially be very vulnerable financially if he moves in with you and ends up screwed in the event of a split. You would both be well advised to get legal advice, though I suspect his legal advice and yours won't be entirely complementary.

MBNightmare you are being ridiculous. People are fully entitled to have new partners etc, etc. But when both adults have existing children, they are both well advised not to do anything that might disadvantage their own children. That's nothing to do with some spurious morality - it's hard common sense.

Hell would freeze over before I let anyone move in with me. My home is my home and my children's home, and nfw would I let anyone in on a full-time basis. I am in a relationship with a man with children, and fortunately he is equally happy to protect his own children's interests.

Why do you actually want him and his children to move in, OP? I know you say you don't like not being together - but that's a bit teenage. You can surely see plenty of one another, go on holiday with all your children etc without moving them into your hard-earned house.

So the kids will go from having their own room, to sharing rooms?

Do you have a very big house op? You'll soon have double the people living in it,could be stressful.

I'm in Scotland and was told that if I ever decide to move a victim partner in, I should either:

• rent out my property and him and me move into a different property altogether
• failing that, don't allow a partner pay rent or for any work to the property, repairs, upkeep, etc.

Of course, that wasn't a solicitor's advice so I could be talking shite. In your case, as advised by PP's, I'd see a solicitor (if not several) before moving him in.

So you are going from 3 to 6?

Double the work.

Shopping, laundry, mess, that is a massive increase in work, logistics.

Noise will increase hugely.

Everyone will muck in? Famous last words.

Sounds like you are going to be made one big mug off.

Once he moves in, it will be up to you to make the space for their stuff.

Fix and organise everything.

Its your home so up to you to figure it all out.

You must be absolutely out of y
our mind.

How exactly will this benefit you and YOUR children?
Please answer?

Will you lose your single person council tax discount.

Ha ha! I was thinking the same thing reading through the replies! I can't believe how many people are against it! I can only imagine it's because these people have to do the lions share of everything in the home?

Before me and DH moved in together we were with each other all the time, it didn't make sense to have two separate houses on the go, it was literally a no brainer, never looked back.

If he's been living on his own with his kids he will be self sufficient enough to be able to run a household, cook, clean, you know, be a grown up! As long as you start how you mean to go on and don't turn into a doormat, there should be no reason to think you'd end up having to do everything? Lay down the ground rules early.

I hope it works out great and you enjoy your blended family and only having half the bills to pay! Yippee!

Parenting styles? Are they identical?

The dynamic of your home will change completely.

I cannot imagine what the appeal of this is, particularly as the overwhelming majority of women who do it, deeply regret it.

Have you a huge house?

Space is so helpful with 4 children.
What about space and privacy to study?

Very hard when you share bedrooms.

What exactly is in this for you and your children?

Obviously this is a great deal for him.

A home and a mug to take over the mental load and grunt work and all he needed to say was a vague we'll all "muck in"🙄.

You must be bonkers.
Wait till the peri menopause hits you with 4 children......

And the OP will be the bad guy / nag when she has to continually ask/remind people to ‘muck in’.

Or - more likely - won’t ask, because they’re not your kids and it’s too hard/uncomfortable to pull them up, as you would your own kids. Do you end up doing it all, seething with resentment.

Sorry OP - I’m sure you’re thinking everyone is being all negative and doom and gloom.

But you posted asking for opinions, and I think most people, detached from the situation (and the emotional feelings you have for your DP), can see exactly how this is going to pan out.

I wish you luck - I do think you’re going to need it.

It's your future, the house is presumably worth £££k - in your position I'd pay for advice from a solicitor rather that seek opinions online.

This