Male Dominated Work Place

[Northerngirl87]

I work in a large team at senior management level. I am actually the only female. I am confident I am well respected for my work outputs and have a good working relationship with my colleagues. A supplier has arranged a golf day for our team, I was not included in the original invite which has caused me some annoyance as I work as closely with said supplier as my colleagues. The invite has since been forwarded to me and when I mentioned it to a colleague, he said ‘if it’s not your thing, you don’t have to come’ I know he meant well and was giving me a get out of jail free card but AIBU to think that as they know 6 hours on a golf course with 10 men is ‘not my thing’ then it shouldn’t be going ahead? I don’t want to cause a scene and I have declined the invite (I will just say I have a full diary that day) but I am disappointed and feel slightly excluded. I don’t want them not to do something they enjoy but it’s not sitting well with me. I might just be being sensitive.
Any Advice would be appreciated

I'd feel a bit more then slightly excluded, because you've been completely excluded. They didn't even invite you. And when someone realised the mistake, they quickly told you don't come. If an activity is arranged for an entire team, its a good starting point to find an activity the entire team can participate in. For all they know your handicap could be 10. They just want a boys day. Extremely rude and disappointing, but it still happens sadly. It would affect my dealings with that supplier.

I have to say this would really annoy me and I would attend, badly.
Can you please help with these clubs, which do I use?
I'd also be asking HR to be involved in next setup.

I can understand your annoyance but I would absolutely attend. You just play into their hands by not going. Show up, be visible.

I can understand your perspectives op

I would definitely go and maybe try to fit some golf lessons in before!

Agree with the above. Alternatively, ask if the next such activity will be planned for a strip club? Seeing that's what they ysed to do in banking before HR wised up to it.

It sounds like my idea of hell, and as I worked in construction I understand your anger but do you have any sway in future use of this supplier?

I'd be annoyed that the supplier didn't invite me.

But your colleagues noticed the oversight and did so.

They also knew you didn't like golf so made it clear it was optional (because how many posts do we see on here from people who are forced to attend work social events when they don't want to?).

I don't think it shouldn't happen at all just because one person doesn't like the sport though. It's a jolly paid for by a supplier. If it's a large team then the chances of any event appealing to absolutely everyone is slim.

It doesn't seem as if its your workplace that's the issue. The company you work for hasn't arranged this or left you out. The supplier has.

YANBU. A golf day fgs is so male and old fashioned- I don’t know anyone who would want to go on one.

I don't understand why you wouldn't go? I've never played golf in my life but I'd still go. You're playing into the old boys club culture if you don't; like accepting that 'the men are working' and you 'stay at home' just because you're a woman, surely?

YANBU - as well as the fact that women are less likely to play golf than men, I think this is also excluding people from poorer backgrounds as golf is quite an elitist sport. I would definitely still go though, OP.

Lots of women play golf. 😕 My neighbour met her husband by taking lessons; she still plays regularly with her buddies. It is an middle-aged older person's thing, I suppose. Are you young & would you rather the supplier organised a clubbing event instead? Rock-climbing, white water canoeing, gravel rides?

Are you angry at supplier who arranged this perk?
Are suppliers supposed to take inclusive gender or sex into account in deciding the perks they offer?

It's not inclusive to make any sort of away day about any activity where you need equipment and experience to enjoy it fully.

After all, what percentage of the male population play golf? It will probably be more than women, but even in the right demographic of older corporate types, they won't all play golf.

They should have picked something that everyone could join in, although its difficult to think of something that's accessible and attractive to everyone.

I’m a female working in a male dominated industry. I wouldn’t go to a golf day because I don’t play golf and have no interest in it. Some other male senior leaders don’t play either. I do go to other events they put on and don’t worry about the golf day. Do you play?

YANBU to be annoyed and feel excluded. But I agree with others that you should go and just golf badly 😂

It's meant to be about networking etc and you'll have better sway of future events by being there to influence.

Why not go golfing? Is it because you don't like golf or because you don't want to give up personal time for work socials? You mention saying you can't go as have a busy day - which implies this is a work day?!!!!! Are your colleagues seriously taking the whole day off to go golfing with a supplier

I’m in a male dominated industry too and I’d go tbh and I’ve never been on a golf course before 😂

I agree that the activity should not have been planned but you are also now choosing not to go.

YANBU to be annoyed you didn't get the invite when everyone else did. That's awful.

YABU to be annoyed with golf. I've never played but then neither has my husband. I'd love a golf day and have often said I'd like to learn. It sounds fun to me!

It’s the supplier that’s organised it, so there’s no pint bringing it up with your work. You either go or don’t go. If you don’t play golf,could you go along later to the drinks part of the day?

however, if you work in a male dominated environment, how about taking some golf lessons? Industry golf days are usually fun and allowances are made for the different skill levels (Texas scramble etc).

Oh! I had this! Big Boss paid for everyone to have a day with a golf professional.

But this was thirty bloody years ago OP!!!

Very outdated in every way.

If it’s in work time, I’d be expecting HR to say no one can go as the supplier has deliberately excluded a member of the team. If it’s at the weekend or people are taking leave to go, not sure what you can do?

I went on a golf day once, long time ago. I work in a male dominated environment as well, and more than half of the guys had never played golf before, so it wasn’t that bad. 2 hours of golfing and then 3 hours drinking wine 😅

Were you only relevant person not included in the original invite? How did supplier get names (& email addresses?) of all workers at your firm who were relevant?

This! It is frustrating that so little thought has been given to organising an inclusive day (I prefer to think that you've been overlooked rather than the other option of them purposefully trying to exclude you). Just count yourself lucky it's golf and not 5-a-side indoor football against a collection of rather 'solid' plasterers & brickies, like was organised when I found myself in your position some years ago... I borrowed DH's shin and ankle pads and went along with the sole aim of not being squashed flat, guessing (correctly) that it would probably be played quite roughly and outside standard rules of tackling. It turns out I was quite an asset, as nobody wanted to risk hurting me in a bad tackle, even though I was pretty crap. In my case, they hadn't thought that it might not be suitable for me too, but going along and trying definitely raised their opinions of me and was beneficial longer term.