Shitty men

[ohjeesus]

why do so many women choose shitty men?
i just don’t understand it!

YABU some women are fools
YANBU fuck them

Why are some men so shitty?

Lonely people choose shitty partners rather than be alone. Both men and women.

Sometimes shitty people don't show their true colours until much later and by then you may have children with that person or perhaps they have ground you down so you feel worthless and so you stay with them. Both men and women.

Some people might start off as a nice person but things happen and they become a shitty person. Both men and women.

Fair point!! But so many threads on MN are so depressing

I think some women (and men) prioritise sexual chemistry at the start of the relationship, meaning they overlook the shitty bits as the hormones fly... then when things settle down a bit in the bedroom, the shitty bits become apparent.

Sexual chemistry and compatibility are vital in any relationship, but in this day and age, I think some people rush in too quickly, which is a risk...

Why is the sky blue?

(Ps, yes I know it's actually due to the atmosphere scattering blue light more than other colours)

Because society still values being in a relationship over being single.

Because he's a good dad.

I think it's near impossible to live independently as a single person, especially as a woman with the COL. Society puts more worth on couples in my experience and of course some men play the long game, acting respectfully until after marriage or children. Finally, some women have such low self esteem that anyone is better than being alone. There was a thread recently where the OP had SS coming to visit due to her new BF. Everyone said run but she played it down, despite seemingly being a mother to several DC.

It's usually the case that the men aren't shitty at the start. Many of them present as the most wonderful, perfect boyfriends until it's too late to turn back.

Many vulnerable women are groomed into such relationships.

Typically these women didn't get to witness healthy relationships growing up so their perspective of what is and isn't shitty has been warped.

Sometimes it's insecurity and poor self esteem, believing they can't get or don't deserve any better.

Or a combination of all the above. There's so many reasons!

Hmmm … I wasn’t aware there was any other kind of man - but I was deeply fooled and believed someone & trusted him, and I learned the hard way

Because they want children and settle for a not ideal man rather than risk waiting for a better one in case they end up childless.

Why do so many men choose shitty woman, evidently there are quite a few out there.

Like pp’s said: women are told that being with a man, any man (even totally shitty one) is better than being single.

I’ve been single all my life, I’m in my late 30’s now. And let me tell you: people do look down on me, question me all the time, tell me I’m being a bitch and just to date a man, anyone.

Also, a lot of people are afraid to be single/alone.

And so many men are shitty. Even if every woman (the one’s who want to date/date men) would make a promise to only date ’good one’s’ and dump the shitty one’s.
There wouldn’t anywhere near enough of the good one’s. Only tiny number of women would then have a partner.

Same reasons some men choose shitty women I imagine.

Because usually they mask the shittiness at the start and women can’t see past it

Because many women are conditioned to believe they are defective if they aren’t attached to a man so will bend over backwards to excuse and accommodate these no marks

Because living on your own (and raising children alone) are expensive and stressful and many men don’t support their offspring

Because a reasonable proportion of these men are emotionally abusive and convince women they will never do better

Because loads of people have families and friends who enable shitty men by convincing women to stay in dreadful relationships

To name the first few that spring to mind

Yeah but nobody is starting the ' my husband/partner/ wife is so amazing and perfect' threads. People whose lives are happy and fulfilling don't need the advise about dealing with shitty partners, so you don't see the millions of those that exist.

Re: so many depressing threads, I agree but if I came on here taking about my absolutely amazing husband, dad, sons, brothers and uncles people would call me smug and a liar.

I actually think the reasons are different (I'm generalising, obviously).

Not all men are shitty - and we are all with faults at heart. The problem is when women are being shits they can get away with it more whereas men leaving women and kids is a bigger issues.

How do women get away with it more?

House! we have a NAMALT and a Women Do It Too in the same post.

There is a difference between whether you knew beforehand, or found out when in the relationship.

I also think the stigma and looking down on those who are single does not help.

People dont come on MN to talk about their amazing relationships.