How would you feel if your dh called your ds the C word?

[HelgaHufflepuff76]

My ds is 18 and very sweet but quite scatty. He has adhd and can be very forgetful, even for a teenager.
Recently he forgot a couple of family members birthdays and was given some money to buy something, which he then forgot to do. He did eventually give the money back and apologised.
My ds was furious and called him the C word in front of me and our daughter (she's 20) he then sent him a stream of texts saying if he carries on he's out the house.
Now, I understand him being angry to an extent, but I think calling him the c word is a step too far. My daughter agrees, but what do you think?

You need to leave. He's the cunt. Your poor son x

Your husband is a nasty abusive bully.

Your poor son.

No wonder he has fragile mental health growing up in a highly abusive home.

Your children will know well that you are nervous.

Your husband is real scum and I would hope you really don't live to regret your choice to stay in an abusive relationship that will have had such a profound affect on that poor boy, who has challenges.

Hands shaking, couldn't eat.
His anxiety will be through the roof.

I hope you realise how vulnerable your son is.

I would get him out of that house.
I would get him to safety out of that abusive home.
He would be better in another home, at friends, where he wont be verbally and emotionally abused by his father.

You have chosen to stay and rear them in an abusive home.

Don't be surprised if he judges you harshly for putting his father first.

I would report your husband to 101.
I would contact Women's aid.

I would tell ALL family and friends that you are all bullied and abused by him and need their support.

Your sons mental health is at stake here.

Me too.

It's poor boys like him, terrorised growing up, that the anxiety induced by being in an abusive home, crack and self harm.

You have chosen to stay OP.

I sincerely hope choosing your husband over your children will not be something you bitterly regret.

I think you must have had a very abusive childhood to think this environment was acceptable.

Your husband is scum and your children will carry these scars forever.

Horrendously the C word has been downgraded ( not by me or In my house)

if it’s used a lot at work and his social circle it’s just become normal expletive nowadays

That's pretty harsh. It's not always like that. If it was I wouldn't have been so shocked. He's not like that all the time

Get fucking rid of him

You aren't protecting your son

You aren't listening cos you don't want to hear it

This is awful and so sad. Your poor son. Absolutely dreadful and unforgivable behaviour from your partner.

Poor lad that's disgusting.
If it's had that much effect on him that he's been shaking etc, I would have shown my dp the door myself.
Don't let anyone treat your kids like this ever

Leave! Show your kids they matter and will not be subjected to abuse by anyone under your watch!
Stop letting your own fear get in the way of standing up for your own kids.

Livid, quite honestly.

How much does your husband know and understand about ADHD? would he be up for reading up on the subject.

Your poor son, ADHD is difficult to get a handle on, and it doesn't help when people are criticising you for not being able to perform what seem like usual tasks.

I would be clear to my son (and daughter) that the son is welcome to stay with you. I would be clear to my husband that he can feel free to move out any time he likes.

If he hasn't always been like this I wonder why he is now. Is it about the boy becoming a man and the father ramping up the power play to keep his position as Primary Male? Bit sick if so. And as you are aware, definitely not acceptable.

Basically there is NO way swearing and threatening someone with ADHD is going to "help" them. It just makes them nervous and less able to concentrate = more forgetfulness, not less. Also if he's anything like me (I appreciate everyone's different) the negative feelings associated with the activity would make it into a huge obstacle, so it becomes almost physically impossible to do the thing next time.

Forward this thread to him and see what he says.
It's disgusting vile language to use on a beloved forgetful child- has your not very DH never forgotten anything in his life? Sounds like a total twit with an a
Sorry you have such anger in your house. Mine is similar sometimes and it's shit! He does apologise and feel guilty but doesn't stop him using that tone in the first place. Heartbreaking for the kids xxx

There's one cunt in this story and it's not your son.

Quite.

OP are you really not going to protect your son from this horrible bully?

I'd say exactly what I said on another board where a woman repeatedly called her partner a cunt. It's totally unacceptable. It's an awful word and regardless of someone being annoying, it's just not something you do. Have some control and mind yourself.

I'd really despise him for it.

I had undiagnosed ADHD at his age. My dad was not, to say the least, sympathetic to the way that manifested itself - I frequently got called 'moron', 'the most selfish bitch I've ever met', and was told the state of my bedroom caused his heart attack, amongst other things. Reading this makes me feel so sad for your son. This is the kind of thing that stays with you, that you find yourself remembering in the middle of the night when you can't sleep, that you hear in your head again when you fuck up at something.

Also important: the worst ways my dad was with me, the physical abuse, screaming at me for an hour straight until I was crying hysterically then yelled at more to stop crying, always happened when my mum was out of the house, and was covered up by me because of shame - so you can't I'm afraid put a lot of stock in him not seeming like this before.

Your husband sounds like a c*!

Has there been a brewing issue before all of this kicked off? I’m not trying to make excuses for your husband flipping out like this but has there been a backstory to it and this has just tipped him over?

I find some people have a hard time accepting things like ADHD as a “real thing” and they don’t want to listen about what it’s like. But it’s no excuse for him being so mean to his son.

This made me feel physically sick.
Your husband flew off the handle at him for something so minor, it’s truly shocking. He surely needs to be in some kind of anger management, especially because he has actually doubled down on this behaviour since and doesn’t seem even slightly remorseful.

I feel so sorry for your son. I don’t know how it would even enter into his father’s head to call him that? It truly is beyond disgusting.

If your son isn’t in some kind of therapy, I would seriously look into it. I doubt this is the first time he’s felt anger and hatred from his father.

Texting endlessly about this is pointless. You need to act. Protect your son, daughter and yourself by getting rid of your DH. You say you're scared of your DH, but surely your maternal instinct to protect your child should kick in now? I love my DH but I love my children more and would never tolerate him abusing them.

This is what you have written.

He's always treated him poorly.

Your poor son.

You have known he treats him differently and you stayed with him, knowing he treats his son less than your daughter.

Your angry abusive prick of a husband that leaves your son shaking and unable to eat.

Is he really proud of himself?
The big man?
Bullying a nice lad until he's shaking and unable to eat?

The big bully. Thats all he is, a big bully.

What a prize he is🙄

He'll be crying the loudest no doubt if your son is driven to self harm because of his fragile mental health growing up in an abusive house.

He is a disgusting excuse of a man.

Your son will likely have mental health problems for the rest of his life because of his childhood at the hands of a father who treated him less than, and emotionally and verbally abused him.

I really hope your son finds someone to support him.

Poor lad.

Deserves so much better.

You need to act. You’re as much of a victim of that cunt of a husband as your children are @HelgaHufflepuff76

The difference is, it’s up to you to protect them. And you’re currently failing to do that.