How would you feel if your dh called your ds the C word?

[HelgaHufflepuff76]

My ds is 18 and very sweet but quite scatty. He has adhd and can be very forgetful, even for a teenager.
Recently he forgot a couple of family members birthdays and was given some money to buy something, which he then forgot to do. He did eventually give the money back and apologised.
My ds was furious and called him the C word in front of me and our daughter (she's 20) he then sent him a stream of texts saying if he carries on he's out the house.
Now, I understand him being angry to an extent, but I think calling him the c word is a step too far. My daughter agrees, but what do you think?

He is abusing your son and you are allowing it.

I'm not exactly allowing it. I've told him he's crossed a line and that I'm angry. I've told my son that I'm on his side and it's not his fault. Not sure what else I can do

Is the C word something that is generally bandied about your household in general conversation or is it never spoken?

I know DP uses it at work (builder) but never, ever is it uttered between us in private or in front of any of our kids (9yo to 19 yo). If that scenario arose in this house he'd be gone.

No, it's not a word we use often and definitely not in anger. That's probably why I was so shocked

I don't think it's acceptable to call a teenager the worst swear word for not doing something that anyone who cares about them would know is affected by their disability.

I strongly suspect your DH is a C word.

Even aside from the language used, the threat to kick DS out, with no regard to your opinion as his partner and the mother of DS, would kill any love I might have had in an instant. He would be gone for that!

He's now claiming that he's trying to help him by being so hard on him. He thinks next time he won't forget a birthday or Father's Day. I don't think this is the best way to help.

No it really isn't.

Have you thought about leaving? You don't have to stay with someone you are scared of.

How long did it take him to think up that little gem? Sounds like someone who can’t admit he’s wrong! Someone who’ll never apologise. He may not be getting any more Father’s Day cards at this rate.

Your poor son. He is shaking because he has been threatened with being made homeless by his own Dad, who is supposed to be protecting and caring for him. It is unforgivable behaviour in my opinion. My eldest son has severe ADHD and my dh, who is the Step Dad of my DS has never been abusive with him. I know my DS has had his moments of poor behaviour through teen years but DH has always been so supportive of him. Frankly I told DH before I married him, that me and my 3 DC come as a package deal. It's love me love my kids.

My ex used to call DS (10) a FC. It’s never acceptable. This was a downward spiral in behaviour and wish I had seen the red flags before.

Engaging and explaining is how he should be helping. Anger, swearing and shouting just puts up barriers to communication.

Your poor son, the thought of him shaking and not eating makes me want to cry tbh. Then you say you’re scared of this man too and he has a temper. I think you know what you need to do.

You need to remove this "man" from your life the same way you would lance a boil.

FFS.

He’s bullying your child. As a minimum he needs to grow up and accept he was wrong and apologise

but personally his attitude towards someone who has a disability is shocking and i would be looking to leave

No, it is completely disproportionate. It would be justified if your son had punched him or something and then DH had called him a cunt. For forgetting to buy some presents? No way.

I don't often join in and say leave but...leave. Protect your children. Not only I your son suffering but daughter is being shown this behaviour is acceptable and to overlook it

Did you stand up to your dh in front of your ds, or when you told dh you were upset was that out of your son's range?

My dad called me a cunt once when I was 16 and I never forgot it. We don’t have a relationship anymore.

That's awful. I wouldn't say that to an enemy, let alone my own child.

As I grow older, I come to realise how good my parents were. They've never made me feel bad, never called me names and would never blame me for being human.

Your husband is being a nasty bully. Shame on him. If I were you, I'd be making sure your son knows this is his dad's issue, not his, and that he most absolutely isn't a cunt. Poor boy.

Disgusting and verbally abusive. You should not allow this and you need to stand up for your son.

That's unforgiveable. Your poor son.

Me and my sister have adhd and never ever have I been yelled at by my parents for mistakes made. Your son returned the money and apologised. Your other half is a horrible person. I cant imagine how your son is feeling right now. You need to stand up and sort this he will be feeling so so bad. It was hardly a mistake forgetting either especially with adhd. I hope your son isn't feeling even more rejected inside as we keep our feelings in usually. The one place you should feel safe are around parents and at home. And tbh you don't sound happy either do you really want to be in this for the rest of your life.

My son wasn't in the room, he'd just left but he heard it. Both myself and my daughter immediately stood up for my son.

When I spoke to my husband about it again today my son was at college. I've been texting him all day telling him what I said to my husband about how angry I was about it and how it's unacceptable. My son knows how I feel about it.