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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask any of you who may be psychic where is dds swimming costume before I have a row with dh?

112 replies

Wereisit · 20/06/2023 10:46

I have a broken ankle. Dh has been folding laundry and putting it away. Just before half term I washed and dried dds expensive new swimming costume and hung it on the airer. It's gone. He swears blind he hasn't seen it. Dd had to miss swimming today as she didn't have a costume (she's in the sixth form but swims at lunchtime). She is normally super reliable and organised so when she says she hasn't taken it earlier I believe her. Dh has form for mixing up laundry and putting it away in the wrong place (we have four dcs). I am doing my best to shuffle round the house looking for it. Dh has washed his hands of it.

Please 🙏 psychics of mumsnet, where is the fecking thing?!

OP posts:
Daisybuttercup12345 · 20/06/2023 11:36

He's put it in your wardrobe .

Original poster
Wereisit · 20/06/2023 11:36

TokyoSushi · 20/06/2023 11:32

I also think he's classed it as underwear.

DH does this, it's so annoying when it's an important item, he often mixes mine & DD's clothes up, she is a petite age 9 and I am a not petite size 14!!

I have items, like I would with this swimming costume that I mentally know where they are at all times because it would be a nightmare if they were lost, the same in this house applies to DS school tie. I'm annoyed on your behalf OP!

Yes it's been a real nightmare. Dd upset and frustrated, she's just been made swim captain as well so now until the new one arrives (we live rurally and neither me or dd can drive ATM!) she can't go!!

OP posts:
spiderlight · 20/06/2023 11:40

Are you married to my DH? He finds it impossible to distinguish between my clothes (shortarse size 12 51-year-old woman) and our 16-year-old, 6ft DS's 🤔

I agree that the swimming costume is probably in an underwear drawer, or possibly in with the towels if he was going for a conceptual link. Have you looked in everyone's school bags?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/06/2023 11:40

She is in sixth form - why isn't she putting her own clean laundry away? Then she would know exactly where it is.

MichelleScarn · 20/06/2023 11:42

Wereisit · 20/06/2023 11:19

Love this! Sadly he's now sulking and saying if he gets accused of losing things he just won't do any more laundry.

Show quote history

What a bam.. (reusing this term from recent mn thread!)
Did he think you'd asked for perfect example of strategic incompetence?!

Mooshamoo · 20/06/2023 11:43

Why isn't she putting her own laundry away. I wouldn't let my dad touch my clothes when I was a teenager.

ButImNotOldEnough · 20/06/2023 11:47

Sounds like she’s more than old enough to look for it herself, don’t go exhausting yourself shuffling about on a broken ankle. She’s old enough to be responsible for putting her own washing away, you’re not responsible for tracking it down.

twoshedsjackson · 20/06/2023 11:48

Saint Anthony for lost things, Saint Jude for hopeless causes.
In your DH's case, either might be relevant.

Maray1967 · 20/06/2023 11:49

Wereisit · 20/06/2023 11:19

Love this! Sadly he's now sulking and saying if he gets accused of losing things he just won't do any more laundry.

Show quote history

Oh I am familiar with that tactic. Just stay firm - it’s his job and he’s expected to do it properly. If he does his job properly he can do household jobs properly.

Original poster
Wereisit · 20/06/2023 11:53

ButImNotOldEnough · 20/06/2023 11:47

Sounds like she’s more than old enough to look for it herself, don’t go exhausting yourself shuffling about on a broken ankle. She’s old enough to be responsible for putting her own washing away, you’re not responsible for tracking it down.

She's gone into school. She knew the costume was hanging on the airer and that's where she went to get it this morning. But dh had "got fed up with seeing things left on the airer " and put everything on it away - except, apparently, the very brightly coloured swimming costume.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wereisit · 20/06/2023 11:55

Mooshamoo · 20/06/2023 11:43

Why isn't she putting her own laundry away. I wouldn't let my dad touch my clothes when I was a teenager.

She does put her own laundry away normally. But dh had done a passive aggressive cross tidy up and stalked round doing it all himself then patting himself on the back for being so helpful to everyone. He's put all the knickers in dd2s drawer (she's at uni so not here!).

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/06/2023 11:55

With her vest tops

MogTheMoogle · 20/06/2023 11:56

Where does the airer go - both when up and put away?
Check where it was up, if it's on the floor, or fallen off it somewhere - or missed the basket when being chucked in.
The pathway and any crevices it could have fallen to the airer storage location
The airer, and the its storage location in case it got folded up with it.

Similarly - assuming your DD gets a pile of clothes to put away rather than it being done for her - under the bed etc.

Pull out drawers, in case its been stuffed it too hard and gone down the back.

I'd think underwear drawers are at least a logical place....so check its not been hung up or folded in the tshirts or something.

Has it gone straight in her bag (or someone else's kit) so it can't be found to go in the bag....because its already there?

Original poster
Wereisit · 20/06/2023 11:57

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/06/2023 11:40

She is in sixth form - why isn't she putting her own clean laundry away? Then she would know exactly where it is.

She does normally! She does the majority of her own washing etc. I had washed the costume and hung it on the airer- we normally just leave it there for her to grab on a swim day but she had half term and then exams so it was there for a week or so.

OP posts:
NerdyBird · 20/06/2023 11:58

If this was my DH it'd be in the drawer we used to put DD's swimming stuff in before we got her a new wardrobe. He can't seem to remember she has a whole 'sports kit' drawer now!

DH does the laundry and just puts it in piles for the person to put away. The most he'll do is dump the pile in a child's room if they don't collect it themselves. Has he done that and DD not noticed?

Original poster
Wereisit · 20/06/2023 11:59

It's not in her swim bag. It's not in the bag where we keep random family swim stuff. It isn't in an underwear drawer, although I'm glad I looked in them as I've found everyone's knickers in dds drawer.

OP posts:
Rocketpants50 · 20/06/2023 11:59

Has he dropped it off the airer and its been kicked under something? Has he put airer away and its dropped to where its stored?

What else was on airer that it could have gone away with?

Original poster
Wereisit · 20/06/2023 12:00

NerdyBird · 20/06/2023 11:58

If this was my DH it'd be in the drawer we used to put DD's swimming stuff in before we got her a new wardrobe. He can't seem to remember she has a whole 'sports kit' drawer now!

DH does the laundry and just puts it in piles for the person to put away. The most he'll do is dump the pile in a child's room if they don't collect it themselves. Has he done that and DD not noticed?

I'd be so happy if he did this. But no. He has to put it away as he gets fed up with seeing piles of laundry. He'd rather just harrumph around doing it himself until one of the dds notices and says I'll do that, rather than ask them outright to do it.

OP posts:
sashh · 20/06/2023 12:02

I agree with in someone's underwear, he probably has no idea what a costume looks like when it's not on.

But then my carer's glasses went missing once, they turned up later in the fridge!

Original poster
Wereisit · 20/06/2023 12:02

Rocketpants50 · 20/06/2023 11:59

Has he dropped it off the airer and its been kicked under something? Has he put airer away and its dropped to where its stored?

What else was on airer that it could have gone away with?

Its quite hard for me to look behind everything as I'm on crutches.

My mate is going to drive dd to sports direct after school to get something, love her.

OP posts:
Oldnproud · 20/06/2023 12:04

Usually, the missing thing turns out to be in the very first place you had looked. However, I dont know if this still happens when the putter-away and the searcher are different people 😁

MrsMorrisey · 20/06/2023 12:09

It'll be a cold day in hell that my husband would do the washing, let alone put it away for the kids!

It's fallen down the back of something, like a chair up against a wall?

Mexicansky · 20/06/2023 12:09

Can you remember what else was on the airer as it might be with something else he put away? In between two tops or something?

Rogue1001MNer · 20/06/2023 12:09

I'm just wondering, because you said it's new and brightly coloured if you might be remembering it a bit wrong? (Sorry, that sounds rude. No disrespect intended).
But... like, maybe you're thinking "orange " and looking for orange, but actually it's blue with an orange stripe or something???

Beesandhoney123 · 20/06/2023 12:11

Close your eye, imagine the costume and say ' Anthony Antony pls come round, there's something lost that can't be found'

It will turn up.

In the meantime it's in someone's drawer, squashed in the wrong PE kit etc. Why is he / you putting their stuff away? My dc do their own, as part of learning to keep a wardrobe tidy. Or floor ( sigh)