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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think after school club straight away when DD joins school is too much?

94 replies

Sadmadsleepy · 19/06/2023 22:07

DD is starting in reception at a local infants school this September. Currently, she attends her preschool 4 days a week and does an after school club two days with others from her preschool.

DH and I are looking at diaries for September to work out juggling jobs around childcare. I think she should just attend her normal school hours for at least the first few weeks and that throwing in after school club early on us a bit much for her. This will of course impact on work schedules.

For context;
-DH is self employed and we will loose money when he has to finish early. I have a fairly full on job. Might be able to negotiate a little flexibility.
-The after school club at DDs new school is run in the junior school next door.
-DD is the only one joining her school from her preschool so will not have friends initially, and will certainly not know anyone in after school club.

YABU - it is what it is, if she needs to go to after school club for childcare, she’ll be fine.
YANBU - that’s all too much!!

OP posts:
coconutpie · 19/06/2023 22:10

YABU. She will be fine.

PuffinsRocks · 19/06/2023 22:10

My DS isn't even 4 yet and he has to go to after school club and breakfast club when he starts school next term. I don't love the idea but what can you do? There's a massive dearth of jobs that work around school hours that also pay a liveable salary. I'd rather have a DS who is fed and has a roof over his head than think about the alternative.

ellesbellesxxx · 19/06/2023 22:12

My two loved it, yes they were tired but they loved that they could play on the field and play equipment without everyone else around 😁 we got them in the new routine asap

Createausername1970 · 19/06/2023 22:12

It depends on your DD. Every child is different. You can only try it and see. Just give some thought now, to what your back-up plan would be if it didn't work.

My DS only did half days for most of reception as a whole day was too much, so he definitely wouldn't have coped with after school club at that age, but he had friends who were fine.

Noodledoodledoo · 19/06/2023 22:14

Honestly she will be fine, if she does 4 days and 2 afterschool clubs, 5 days and the extra days won't be a massive leap.

Lots start in the same situation, to be honest if you don't start in September local to us you won't have a place!

Tarantella6 · 19/06/2023 22:15

I took the attitude that if we did it from day 1 it was normal. DH made a huge effort to get there as early as possible, so they were usually picked up about 4.30 latest in the first half term. There will be other kids in the same boat who know no-one, if she starts a few weeks later then she'll feel like everyone else knows what is going on and she's the odd one out.

PuttingDownRoots · 19/06/2023 22:17

Its not ideal. But we don't live in am ideal world.
If parents need to work then the ASC is essential

StripyMonk · 19/06/2023 22:17

Does your dh do the sort of work where he could pick up if dd wasn’t feeling up to after school club? I also think whether or not other reception children are likely to be going makes a difference, so school size/demographic.

PuttingDownRoots · 19/06/2023 22:19

Also find out how it works. My kids school splits it across three different groups. One for Nursery-Year 1, then Yr2/3 and Yr5/6. (Yr4 its mixed between the older groups depending on numbers and needs)

Bababababab · 19/06/2023 22:19

If it helps. Our ds started reception this year. Our plan was for him to stay asc in will 3 or 4. But in week 2 he started asking to go and so we booked him in. So maybe see how she does?

Nevermind31 · 19/06/2023 22:22

You are kidding yourself if you think afterschool care is easily available and can be obtained throughout the year to suit you. In most schools there are waiting lists and you are lucky to get a space. So either you get a space, pay, but she doesn’t attend (and will be the new girl when she does), get a space and attend, or go on the waiting list…

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 19/06/2023 22:23

My DD did it and also didn't know anyone because no one else from her nursery went to the same school. It was absolutely fine, they make friends fast in reception and after school club had a selection of different break out activities so they could do something active or sit and colour, watch TV, flip through books etc if they needed quiet time.

I remember DD being very excited about the food everyday because they put on a hearty snack to tide them over till dinner, so she'd come home raving about crumpets with jam being 'the bestest snack ever'.

katmarie · 19/06/2023 22:27

Ds is in reception and has been doing breakfast club from week 2 and ASC from about week 4. Its routine for him now. He copes fine with it, and loves ASC. He found breakfast club harder as there were no reception kids in there when he started. But he has made some friends in the year ones and twos, and now there is a girl from his class, who goes as well. Her mum signed her up after finding out ds was going, she'd been worried her dd wouldn't know anyone. Someone has to be first I guess!

I will say this, you might well need to book your place from the start of the year and pay for it, if you leave it until mid way through the term, there may not be a space for him. Check that now before you make any decisions.

5foot5 · 19/06/2023 22:30

My DD did after school club right from day one in reception and was fine with it.

She had been going to nursery four full days before that so I suppose she was used to it.

IrisGold · 19/06/2023 22:32

Full time school is a huge shock to the system for a 4 year old. My DS was so tired his whole personality changed. I cannot imagine adding after school on top.

VestaTilley · 19/06/2023 22:35

I agree. We have the same dilemma. I think after school club for the first term when they start school is too much. I’m sure it will be for my summer born DS.

And it’s not the same as them being in nursery 9-5 now. It’s another set of people and a different room in the school to get used to, and the end of a much more full on day.

We’ll need to use ASC 3 afternoons a week but a) aren’t guaranteed the days we need and b) really would prefer to juggle collecting him at 3.15pm for the first term. DH is self employed and I largely WFH, so we’re going to see if we can manage to do that for at least the first few weeks.

SouthLondonMum22 · 19/06/2023 22:35

She'll be fine. It's the norm for many children and they adjust.

Original poster
Sadmadsleepy · 19/06/2023 22:39

Thanks for all the responses. Interesting that most so far seem fine coming down on the YABU side. I have quite an emotive reaction to the thought of her being overwhelmed and friendless in ASC 🫣
Maybe I’m letting that colour things a bit too much.

Doesn't help that I’m having serious mum guilt over separating her from her buddies for school.

I’ll also enquire re ASC spaces - don’t want to miss out if super full.

OP posts:
Jenn3112 · 19/06/2023 22:42

It depends on the child and the provision. Where my youngest goes they can't get staff and its pretty poor - they are in a room with minimal supervision, often can't get outside even in good weather as they don't have enough staff to supervise inside and outside at the same time. It's not as bad when they are 8 or 9, are confident in their surroundings and will tell me anything that happened. Not so much if you have a small shy 4 year old. Not all provision is this dire, although realistically, the majority of it will be as you can't live on minimum wage for a few hours a day.

SquigglePigs · 19/06/2023 22:51

Tarantella6 · 19/06/2023 22:15

I took the attitude that if we did it from day 1 it was normal. DH made a huge effort to get there as early as possible, so they were usually picked up about 4.30 latest in the first half term. There will be other kids in the same boat who know no-one, if she starts a few weeks later then she'll feel like everyone else knows what is going on and she's the odd one out.

This is the approach we're taking. I was just as worried that she'd get used to us picking her up early and then struggle with the change later. Her reception teacher said when her daughter started school it had to be wrap around care from day 1 because she had to be at the school she was teaching in so no option!

olympicsrock · 19/06/2023 23:00

Mr DS went to ASC from reception. It was his favourite session of the week . They played Lego and did craft. He cried when we went to collect him.

your DD will be fine. Take the place !

Peccary · 19/06/2023 23:02

Mine is summer born and was in asc 3 days a week from week 2. They will adapt, they will make friends in days.

Ours is so oversubscribed that , if you don't start in reception, you aren't getting in!

skyblueblue · 19/06/2023 23:05

My DC attended after school club from reception. Loved it and made lots of friends in other year groups

cestlavielife · 19/06/2023 23:07

Seems like your optiins are a s c
childminder
Nanny

Dont worry aBout not knowing anyone she will make friends

Mollymalone123 · 19/06/2023 23:12

I worked in breakfast/after school club and can say she will make friends and pick up her new routine quickly although she’s bound to be tired.at her age they make friends very easily and if you’re worried just ask staff to encourage her to make friends-that’s what we would do.also we had a years waiting list so I really hope that’s not the case for you.