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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think after school club straight away when DD joins school is too much?

94 replies

Sadmadsleepy · 19/06/2023 22:07

DD is starting in reception at a local infants school this September. Currently, she attends her preschool 4 days a week and does an after school club two days with others from her preschool.

DH and I are looking at diaries for September to work out juggling jobs around childcare. I think she should just attend her normal school hours for at least the first few weeks and that throwing in after school club early on us a bit much for her. This will of course impact on work schedules.

For context;
-DH is self employed and we will loose money when he has to finish early. I have a fairly full on job. Might be able to negotiate a little flexibility.
-The after school club at DDs new school is run in the junior school next door.
-DD is the only one joining her school from her preschool so will not have friends initially, and will certainly not know anyone in after school club.

YABU - it is what it is, if she needs to go to after school club for childcare, she’ll be fine.
YANBU - that’s all too much!!

OP posts:
Pkhsvd · 20/06/2023 07:14

@Conkersinautumn that’s interesting that’s your experience as at our after school club there’s lots of mixes of ages.

FoxtrotSkarloey · 20/06/2023 07:22

We did exactly what you're thinking for the same reasons when DS started Reception last year and it was such a BAD decision!

He quickly learnt the new routine and was quite happy, so when we then landed breakfast club and ASC on top, all hell broke look. Tantrums like he'd never tantrumed before. It took weeks for the fuss to settle. And it wasn't because he was unhappy, once he was in he was playing happily and made lots of friends, but the issue was 'I didn't have to do this the first week, why do I have to do it now?'.

With hindsight, it would have been far better if we had established the new normal from the outset.

daffodilandtulip · 20/06/2023 07:24

Around here, you're already too late to make that decision, they're all full Confused

lifehappens12 · 20/06/2023 07:25

Hi, two full time working parents here. We put our son straight into asc from day 1 as we didn't want him to get used to being picked up at 3 and then have to change after a few days.

He was fine and coped and the club leader will help him settle in.

We did have some drama on the first day where the school assumed that no parent from reception would use asc in the first week so didn't collect him so remind the teacher if you are

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 20/06/2023 07:29

After school clubs and breakfast clubs often don't include reception year, so it's worth checking if they're even allowed to attend.

Honestly, I think adding a before or after school club is too much. Starting school really tires out the little ones.

Noicant · 20/06/2023 07:30

I would see after school club as a chance to make friends. Not all the kids are going to be in it and it’ll be a chance for her to make connections with other kids. It’s why I’m putting my DD onto the school bus coming home, there will be kids from the other classes in her year group she will be friendly with before the next year when they mix the classes up.

Tinybrother · 20/06/2023 07:35

It’s the opposite way round here. From 8ish parents who wfh are collecting children and bringing them home and going back to work instead of using childcare, often bringing home the children parents who work outside the home to play for a bit (which is very kind). Year 6s are walking home by themselves if they can. It’s the younger children, who are less able to occupy themselves while parents are working, who are in ASC. The ratios are very good here.

Tinybrother · 20/06/2023 07:36

that was re the 11yos running round comment - I know no NT 11yos who go to ASC

Wallywobbles · 20/06/2023 07:51

My DDs did 8.30 - 6.00 from pre-school. They were pretty knackered but fine psychologically.

Starseeking · 20/06/2023 08:03

I didn't know about ASC when my first DC started school. When I finally found out about it somewhere around the first half-term, there was no space and I had to wait until the January, which was really inconvenient as I work full-time. Being Covid times meant I could thankfully juggle my reception age DC at home, but it was difficult.

Start as you mean to go on, and book the place, your DD will be fine in ASC.

MotorwayDiva · 20/06/2023 08:10

Yabu, she's used to routine of after school club and in my opinion that is where they make friends.DD has always gone and loves it

DollyTrolly · 20/06/2023 08:14

After school club has always been my DSs favourite bit of school!
Extra time to play and a great opportunity to meet kids in other year groups which meant he really felt part of the school from week one.

Plus, we both work so needs must 🤷🏼‍♀️

TinyTear · 20/06/2023 10:12

Routine straight from the start - start as you mean to go on.
my primary doesn't do half days and the ASC took them straight away.

daughter is autistic (we didn't know then) and this was the best - straight to a new routine and that is the new life - if we had done half then half would be too much change in a short period of time. better all in one go

AtomicBlondeRose · 20/06/2023 10:17

DD has always done before and after school club. Do not underestimate the benefits for you of being able to drop off/pick up at your convenience with less parking hassle! It's worth the money just for that in my opinion.

In warm weather she really loves the after school part. They go outside and get free reign of the playground equipment and it's really good fun. Before school it's a nice chance to settle in, do homework, read or just potter about playing. I donated a bunch of toys that were outgrown at home (play food etc) but DD still plays with them there because they're way more fun with a group. She's in Y4 now and likes to play with the little ones too - they're all very sweet towards the new starters. In winter I feel bad picking up and dropping off in the dark. But it's not as if we'd be doing anything better at home, and there she's doing crafts instead of staring at YouTube!

Houseofpainjumparound · 20/06/2023 12:39

I assume you have had the schedule for starting many schools do phased starts with just mornings just afternoons for the first few weeks so that may affect your decision anyway.

We tried afterschool with my first but she was a young 4 and struggled despite being at nursery so we stopped for a while and managed

My 2nd will be an older 4 and so i think will be able to cope better and will have older sibling to lean on too

Parker231 · 20/06/2023 13:21

Houseofpainjumparound · 20/06/2023 12:39

I assume you have had the schedule for starting many schools do phased starts with just mornings just afternoons for the first few weeks so that may affect your decision anyway.

We tried afterschool with my first but she was a young 4 and struggled despite being at nursery so we stopped for a while and managed

My 2nd will be an older 4 and so i think will be able to cope better and will have older sibling to lean on too

Regardless of whether the school uses a staggered start approach, you have a legal right to send them full time from day one - we did. Staggered starts are feasible for two working parents

Houseofpainjumparound · 20/06/2023 13:32

@Parker231 our school never mentioned nor offered the opportunity to sent child full-time from day 1, we were told that these were the times the kids in the class were in on....

I will watch this space for my 2nd one and see what we get offered and if they mention being able to do full time.

Maray1967 · 20/06/2023 13:40

IrisGold · 19/06/2023 22:32

Full time school is a huge shock to the system for a 4 year old. My DS was so tired his whole personality changed. I cannot imagine adding after school on top.

That tends to be the case for children who did half days at preschool. Dc in nursery 8.30 till 5 are used to longer days. Neither of mine were tired at all when they started school and went straight to after school three days a week. What they did miss were their two weekdays off…

Tryagainplease · 20/06/2023 13:44

Nevermind31 · 19/06/2023 22:22

You are kidding yourself if you think afterschool care is easily available and can be obtained throughout the year to suit you. In most schools there are waiting lists and you are lucky to get a space. So either you get a space, pay, but she doesn’t attend (and will be the new girl when she does), get a space and attend, or go on the waiting list…

Yep, this was my experience! V lucky that work was flexible as I had nobody else to help. We didn’t get full time space in ASC for a year!

LostMySocks · 20/06/2023 13:51

Both my DS started after-school club on their first day. The staff here are great and the little ones got to know older children who would look out for them in school and say hello. They split the ages groups and the staff are great at playing with the children.
Mine also love breakfast club due to the superior cereal selection. Drop off is also a lot quieter so it really helped with settling

Jules912 · 20/06/2023 13:55

My DS didn't go to after school club for the first month as I was still on maternity, and he really struggled to settle as it was yet another change to his routine. I think he'd have been better going from the start.

JaukiVexnoydi · 20/06/2023 14:03

Whatever you do, you DD will almost certainly adapt. Children can, if needed, be very resilient. In England before the 19th century Factories Act and in the developing world even today children as young as four have survived 12 hour working days, and that's a lot more extreme that going to an after school club to play for a couple of hours between school and home, so don't get too het up about it being too much.

Given that she already does ASC twice a week after preschool you could at the very least start off with 2 ASCs a week at Big School. It won't be that much of a transition and she won't be the only tiny one there.

Parker231 · 20/06/2023 14:39

Houseofpainjumparound · 20/06/2023 13:32

@Parker231 our school never mentioned nor offered the opportunity to sent child full-time from day 1, we were told that these were the times the kids in the class were in on....

I will watch this space for my 2nd one and see what we get offered and if they mention being able to do full time.

It’s irrelevant whether the school offers full time from day one as legally they have to provide it. When DT’s started some went full time from day one and some did a staggered start which seemed to last for weeks!

Magicmama92 · 20/06/2023 15:58

Personally I'd say to get her in to a routine asap. They cope better than you think and if she's already doing that then why put it off? She will be able to make friends fine. My daughter was fine doing school then ballet after on days she had it.

Mustreadabook · 20/06/2023 16:02

Be careful that you don't miss out on a place by not signing up straight away, sometimes they don't have space for everyone who needs it.