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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For taking my sister along as a baby sitter for a friend‘s wedding

100 replies

Maaofatoddler · 19/06/2023 15:01

I have a wedding to attend. No grandparents to look after my DS. My mum is not particularly happy that I’m asking my almost 30 year old sister to look after her baby nephew for half a day while I get to spend some time and enjoy the wedding with my DH where kids are not allowed.

I have been married for 5 years and this is going to be the first wedding we’ve been invited to as a couple so it means a lot to me!

I am paying all her expenses (hotel, flights) for the destination wedding so she can enjoy her trip and also for just 1 day look after my son.

OP posts:
museumum · 19/06/2023 16:33

Does your mum not count as a grandparent to your ds? or is she unable to babysit? or just doesn't want to?
I suspect the answers to those questions might explain why she feels entitled to comment on your arrangement with your sister....

WonderfulUsername · 19/06/2023 16:35

Why have your left your mum's reasoning out of your OP?

Surely it's completely relevant, even if just to say she has no reasoning?

jeaux90 · 19/06/2023 16:36

Sounds like a great plan! Have a fab time.

LadyBird1973 · 19/06/2023 16:47

I presumed that when the IP said no grandparents, she meant one's willing to babysit so she could attend this wedding.
If her mum doesn't want to help her, she doesn't get to criticise when OP makes other arrangements. Or feel entitled to a paid for trip as a bribe

UsingChangeofName · 19/06/2023 16:50

If you have the money to do this without bankrupting yourself, it sounds like a win win for everyone.

Firstly, what on earth has it got to do with your Mum, and secondly, what is it about the idea that she objects to ?

Original poster
Maaofatoddler · 19/06/2023 16:55

Mum is old school. Her mum ensured that my aunt never had to look after me. I am not even sure how to explain. Maybe the older generation have taken it too seriously.

Both sets of my grandparents said to my parents and uncles and aunts that your kids are your responsibility. Find a way to take care of them while you’re at a wedding or whatever.

So my mum is of the opinion that similarly I shouldn’t take “advantage” of my sister. And she shouldn’t be the one changing nappies for example even for 1 day.

The wedding is in French Riviera. I was thinking of child minders / nannies but there will be a language barrier as we don’t speak French. Anyway, tickets are all booked.

Thank you everyone ❤️

OP posts:
londonrach · 19/06/2023 16:57

As long as your sister happy with the arrangement it's no one else's business....certainly your mums

londonrach · 19/06/2023 16:59

Certainly not your mum's...

Maddy70 · 19/06/2023 17:00

As long as you haven't invited your sister to the wedding. If she is going to be in the hotel separately to the wedding great idea. Including her in any part of it is very wrong

rainbowstardrops · 19/06/2023 17:01

Is your sister happy with the arrangement?
If she is then it's got nothing whatsoever to do with your mum 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hearti · 19/06/2023 17:04

You’ll all go and have a lovely time, ignore your mum. Just because she had no family support doesn’t mean you and your sister can’t support each other

Peachy2005 · 19/06/2023 17:09

My mum constantly parked us as kids at her mum’s and her sisters’ houses while she and Dad went on frequent holidays. She very seldom reciprocated when her own sisters had kids and she has never looked after our kids so we could go on holidays. That generation (now in their late 70s) are a law unto themselves….just ignore your mum and her funny notions! Have a great time 🍾🎉

Quiverer · 19/06/2023 17:15

What on earth is wrong with aunts and uncles looking after children from time to time? Your mum is presumably around my generation, and no-one I know bought there was anything remotely wrong with an arrangement like that. I think it's your mum who is out of line, not you.

Mrsjayy · 19/06/2023 17:19

Goodness me I'm sure your sister will be fine on the Rivearia I'm sure it won't be a bother 😄 I'm probably way older than you I and cousins were all looked after by grans and Aunts but my mum was like yours and would be offended on my sisters behalf if I dared asked her to baby sit,it was a very odd attitude,

ActDottie · 19/06/2023 17:20

If your sister is happy with the arrangement then it’s fine. Don’t get why your mother even has an opinion on it. Personally I think it’s a lovely idea as your sister gets a bit of a holiday too in return for babysitting.

Shutupyoutart · 19/06/2023 17:20

It sound like your sister is getting a great deal to me! Ignore your mum she's being daft have a lovely holiday and enjoy the wedding :)

TooJoy · 19/06/2023 17:23

The only opinion that matters is your sisters.

If she’s happy to do it then don’t hesitate.

I love babysitting for my nieces and nephews.

onlywayissussex · 19/06/2023 17:26

Your mum is wrong. What a privilege for your sister to spend the day with her nephew but also have a trip to the French Riviera all paid! Sounds fab. And she's 30. Not 13! Presumably has her
Own mind

Comedycook · 19/06/2023 17:28

Sorry but your mum sound awful. Refuses to babysit and when you find a babysitter, objects. Your sister is onto a sweet deal ..all expenses paid trip in return for babysitting. Everyone's a winner.

Comedycook · 19/06/2023 17:29

I also think your mum is jealous

UsingChangeofName · 19/06/2023 17:34

onlywayissussex · 19/06/2023 17:26

Your mum is wrong. What a privilege for your sister to spend the day with her nephew but also have a trip to the French Riviera all paid! Sounds fab. And she's 30. Not 13! Presumably has her
Own mind

This.

sounds like a great opportunity for your sister.

phoenixrosehere · 19/06/2023 17:46

Tbh, it is none of your mother’s business nor her concern so I would ignore her.

Both sets of my grandparents said to my parents and uncles and aunts that your kids are your responsibility. Find a way to take care of them while you’re at a wedding or whatever.

I hear so many say this yet ime, they have selective memories when it comes to it or their own definition of what having help means.

strawberry2017 · 19/06/2023 17:48

If my sister asked me I'd be happy to do it. If you can't ask family for help then who can you! If your sister is fine with it ignore the rest.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 19/06/2023 17:48

Your mum is weird, nothing 'old school' about it. Aunties have been helping out with looking after babies since babies were invented.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 19/06/2023 17:54

So my mum is of the opinion that similarly I shouldn’t take “advantage” of my sister

I'd say to her "do you think your daughter is so weak minded that she could be manipulated into an afternoon of childcare? Just because you didn't have help at all with me and sister, doesn't mean it's inappropriate for others to"