To ask you how I should respond to this parent?

[RadoxRita]

So there is a parent of one of my children’s good friends, who we also see a lot of through their dance class. We get on ok, but I certainly wouldn’t say we were ‘close’. The issue I have with her, is that in recent months, she has taken to constantly correcting my children (including when I am present), and interfering with my parenting.

A classic example of this occurred this morning… I was chatting to my DD (9yo) about something, and as my DD turned to walk away, the other mum who was standing close by pipes in with “THANK YOU MUM” to my DD. DD looked very awkward in front of everyone watching, then thanked me. My DD didn’t need to do this - the context didn’t call for it. Other mum then looks at me and says “they need to learn”. I didn’t know what to say so said nothing.

Another example occurred last week… my younger DD (6yo) was sat out of a dance and walked over to me. I bent down and explained to her she can stay with me if she would like to, but that she should probably go and sit the other side of the hall, just in case she was needed. As I was talking to her though, the other mum storms over, turns my DD to face her, and explains to her very loudly exactly what I had just been saying (except the part that she could stay with me if she wants to). DD obediently goes back over the other side and other mum looks at me as if to say “you’re welcome!”

She’s like this ALL the time. I find it so infuriating and am not sure how to respond. She always has this arrogance about her as if to imply she’s a better parent than me/my children need more discipline, but I don’t really know why she feels the need to undermine me all the time? FWIW, my older DD actually offers a lot of support to her eldest, who struggles a lot with school, clubs, and their general confidence, so she must see some strengths in her! - she’s been extremely keen to get them in the same class for this very reason. I certainly don’t want to fall out with her for the sake of my DD’s friendships with hers, but I feel I need to say something. Any ideas MN??

If you find it hard to find your voice for yourself then think of what this is teaching your daughter. She is being shown that you need to behave and be a good quiet person. You don't need to be confrontational or rude to the woman but you do need to make her stop

I was chatting to my DD (9yo) about something, and as my DD turned to walk away, the other mum who was standing close by pipes in with “THANK YOU MUM” to my DD. DD looked very awkward in front of everyone watching, then thanked me. My DD didn’t need to do this - the context didn’t call for it.

In this example my response would have been to counteract and reassure my daughter. I’d say loud and clear: ‘Dd you always have such beautiful manners, but you really didn’t have to thank me. I think friends mum has misunderstood the situation. Are you okay?.’

Same with your younger dd (6 yr old) at dance class. Counteract and reassure. Say loud and clear that she doesn’t have to do what friends mum says and it’s ok, listen to mummy.

I think that kind of response would give the message loud and clear that you won’t let her treat your daughters that way. And that you are not a doormat
for her to steamroll all over you.

Actions speak louder than words.

Remain calm and in control. You don’t need to defend your parenting to her.

How about mind your own fucking business? There is absolutely no need to parent other people’s children. Let other mothers judge swearing around children, I’ll judge you for being an interfering busybody. Go and be a perfect parent elsewhere.

The second she laid hands on my child her dancing days would be over

I still don't 'get' why parents have to stick around their childrens' dancing classes. I'd have thought it was a good opportunity to do a bit of shopping, have coffee or something. It didn't happen when I, or when mine, was a child. Is it a new thing?

This.

You are very passive and she is very rude.

That you allowed her to touch your child like that is frankly extraordinary.

You need to step up and protect your child.

Stop having ANYTHING to do with her or her child.

Tell the teacher you want the children kept apart.

She man handled your child.

You need to step up and NEVER allow that to happen again.

Her behaviour is completely unacceptable.

Your poor daughter.

Step up.

In my personal experience, it's because dance class was in a village hall in the middle of nowhere. 45 min class so no time to drive off anywhere for a coffee or library visit or shopping.

I sometimes used the time to go for a walk, but was mostly too lazy.

I certainly wouldn't judge anyone for staying while their child was at a class.

It's not a question of judging, it just seems odd. However, if the class is miles from anywhere it is understandable. I always lived in the London area so there were always other places to go.

"I know you mean well but I'd prefer if you didn't interfere" is a million times better than "Fuck off" or any insults. Firstly because swearing at someone is aggressive, rude and a bad example to your child. Secondly because it gives a true and acceptable reason.

I would just move your chold away if the birltch starts coming towards her, or position yourself between them. Does she do this to other children?

a simple excuse me? in a back off bitch tone always worked for me! I never had to say much more.

Honestly id tell her to stfu

I would just say the first time ‘I’ve got this!’ And maybe put your hand up in a stop gesture. If she persists the next few times I would snap ‘like I said, I’ve got this’.

"Excuse me, DD and I are having a private conversation right now.
I'm teaching the children that it's not polite to interrupt conversations you weren't invited to."

Tell her to fuck off....that'll do it.

She's insecure and jealous that her daughter isn't as well balanced as yours due to your, in her mindat least, superior parenting skills. She's trying to take you down a peg because she's insucure about herself.
All above comments good advice op.

I hate people like this. A firm 'this is non of your business' or 'do not interfere ' will do. I had a friend who did this, said this once and never had a play date again as I wasn't having someone else speak to my child like that.

DHs aunt occasionally tries this (she doesn’t have DC, for context). When they were little I used to say ‘I’ll handle this thanks’ and that was usually enough. Recently my DD wanted to go to her room while we were all chatting at the table (dinner was finished, she is 13). This is perfectly acceptable in my house but aunt obviously thought this was rude and said ‘well now you’re older there are consequences’ . I countered with ‘no consequences in this house for wanting your own space’ and that shut her up…. I am quite bolshy though 😁