Keeping inheritance in the family

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If a parent tells a grown up child that will inherit all their parents money, that when the child themself die, the money has to stay in the family. Due to the child not being married to partner of 20+ years and also not having provided grandchildren. So any money must be left to 2nd, 3rd cousins etc that child has never met.
Is this a normal thing to say to your child.

No. And obviously not enforceable but it sounds like a fraught situation so I feel for you if you’re involved.

Normal or not, there’s a family trust the parents can’t dictate/ensure that happens so I would just say “I know what you want to happen” and move on

Is it money or property?

Both

I think it’s a common sentiment but I don’t think a lot of people would dare say it out loud.

not having provided grandchildren

Is this how people really refer to it?!

Where else would the money go?

They can say what they want. You can nod and smile. Then write a Will to give it to whoever you want. Simple!

(and if unmarried you really do need to make a proper Will as you partner won’t get a penny otherwise)

It's unusual but not unprecedented.
The parents could ask their child to follow their wishes as a favour, or they could put the money in trust to guarantee it.

Even of the child did want to follow their parents wishes by leaving the inheritance in their will to second cousin or whoever, then that might not be possible if doing so might leave their bereaved partner without reasonable support - the Will could be challenged.
So if the parents feel very strongly on the subject then maybe they should go down the trust route.

Just agree.

They won't be there to know either way.

Otherwise they might put it in a trust with the same conditions attached

I can see why they might want to keep property in trust for other relatives if you die as well but it sounds like they’re not close to your cousins either?

Does your partner have kids?

A non beneficiary (in England ) can only claim for a portion of the estate if they had a reasonable expectation of being included, which is not the same as being provided with reasonable support

I think it sounds like the parent doesn't like the partner for whatever reason so is being petty. I would smile and nod and then do what you want should the time come. There may not ever be any inheritance to pass on if you need care in old age with no children to provide free labor.

So if the parents feel very strongly on the subject then maybe they should go down the trust route.

Agree with this. They can ask but there is no obligatory for the beneficiary to do so (although personally I would want to follow a relative’s wishes). If they really want this they should see a solicitor.

My long term partner as per my Will

To add, parents did not know about fertility struggles, it would be yet another reason for not being a good enough daughter. We now have a child. This happened on a father's day a few years ago just after a failed ivf round right after I passed him his present. Way to ruin the day dad. My mum was in another room and I dare say the "we want the money to stay in the family " was actually 'I want" as my mum has never been able to disagree with him without a full blown mood and months of being ignored afterwards.

It sounds like you have a simple but unpalatable choice.
Lie to your parents and promise that you'll follow their wishes and then leave the money to your partner, or tell them the truth, that you won't follow their request, and take the risk that they'll get a lawyer to enforce their wishes from the grave.

I imagine is the worry about where it goes after that. I know for many years my DP's had an issue around what money could end up in the pockets my in laws. Now, DH and I have children and our legacy's are written in such a way that unless there was a family wipeout nothing will go that way (and even if it does legacies go back to the family of origin) but I guess it's something to do with that.

None of it really matters anyway as I'd hope my passing would be in many years time, I certainly wouldn't leave my partner on the bones of his arse, we have a baby now so I suppose I'm not too much of a disappointment.
It's not the fact that I'd have to keep the money in the family, it's the fact he said it, and the way it was said. But if you can tell your own daughter that a lack of a decent career means that "all your life has been a waste of money and disappointment " then I guess that's the type of person he is.

The parents need to set up a trust, so their child has the use of the income, but not the capital, and then it passes to the next in lie, or as the parents wish it to be inherited. Perfectly fine if it's their property.

Just marry your partner, which is the sensible thing to do anyway as you have a child.

Are your parents not seeing your child as family?

Because you are not married?

Pr is it that your child is adopted and they don’t recognise a ‘not blood line’ grandchild?

Their whole outlook and attitude sounds awful.

But the only way they can ensure this is as others have said, to leave the money in a trust for you and then for other more distant relatives.

I don’t know how that would work out legally if your child was of a dependent age and it could be argued in a challenge that the trust should take on your responsibility and support your dependant child.

As others say, I would smile and nod, say ‘of course’. Donumenrion a trust. If they do say “oh, I hope lots of your money wouldn’t end up being spent on admin “ and hope they change their minds.

And then do exactly as you like with your own Will

I think it sounds like the parent doesn't like the partner for whatever reason so is being petty

Not necessarily. They could be envisaging the partner marrying again, taking on step-children or having children of their own, and the inheritance going away from the family to completely unrelated people.

It’s not a generous attitude, but it’s fairly natural, IMO.

I think a lot of people feel this way but at the same time 20 years being a partner is a very long time. Would you really rather it go to some random second cousin? It's your decision, just doesn't make much sense to me.

Baby was born after this comment. So I'd assume things have changed. Baby is an ivf baby, not adopted.