Keeping inheritance in the family

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If a parent tells a grown up child that will inherit all their parents money, that when the child themself die, the money has to stay in the family. Due to the child not being married to partner of 20+ years and also not having provided grandchildren. So any money must be left to 2nd, 3rd cousins etc that child has never met.
Is this a normal thing to say to your child.

Normal to say it because it's normal for people to express their will wishes however they like.

The good news is it's not legally binding. Once it's yours it's yours. You can leave it to whoever you like.

And what twats don't consider a partner of 20 years 'family' just because they're not married??

Congratulations on baby OP. For all the obvious reasons but also because it means that this nasty situation no longer arises.

I don't even know the relatives that I'd be leaving it to. Most of my childhood was spent being part of a family that extended family never really bothered with due to yes you guessed it my dad! So he's maybe met these great great nephews and nieces maybe once or twice himself. Baring in mind my dad and his nephews are the same age hence the great great nephews and nieces.

Congratulations on your baby OP.

And I am sorry your parents are so dismissive of you.

My Will had always said my estate ( such as it is) goes directly to my children, anyway.

I hope your parents will acknowledge your child as family and not try to divert money to distant family rather than your child!

Why aren't you married? In terms of inheritance, you are leaving your partner in a bad situation with regards to tax. Also, you leave yourself vulnerable by having a child out of wedlock, in case of relationship breakdown.

Also, surely the comment is now irrelevant, since you have a child?

Yeah I wouldn't want everything I worked for being left to my kids "partner" either

Forgot to add that this comment was probably as I was approaching 40 with no children. Not by choice and it just made me feel 100 times worse about never getting pregnant after 12 years of trying.

Not necessarily!

It’s a reasonable sentiment. If someone wants it enforced, they have to set it up with a proper trust. The trust can then make payments to the intended recipient without actually giving you full control of the money. If they just leave you the money, you can do whatever you want.

i know if I die, my intended inheritance would pass to our child not my husband. It would be the same from his parents. We have no problem with this.

From the child's POV it's a random second cousin. From the parents POV it might be quite a close relationship.

I can just about imagine a situation in which if my DC had a limited life expectancy after my death I'd rather their inheritance went to my cousins, who I'm actually rather fond of, rather than their partner, despite the fact that my DC probably couldn't pick the cousins out of a lineup. But it would require a very specific set of circumstances.

The OP's father sounds like a nasty piece of work.

The OP can leave her assets directly to her children, to avoid her DP paying IHT.

And since it looks as if her (heartless but wealthy) parents will leave her a significant inheritance it would be better not to be married in the event of relationship breakdown! The divorcing DH would get half!

Whether marriage is beneficial or not depends on circumstances. Generally it benefits the financially weaker partner. We don’t know if this applies to the OP.

I think the inheritance thing is a total red herring.

By the sound of it you have a strained relationship with your parents for various other reasons.

Once they're dead and gone, you can do whatever you like with any money left to you. I wouldn't give this any more headspace if I were you.

So this was a comment made years ago and you’re upset about today, why?

I don't want to get married or need to. He will get everything of mine upon my death.
Also I do not feel vulnerable at all having a child out of wedlock, I have a long term job which I will be returning to soon, savings, we have a home with mortgage and I am more than capable of looking after myself and baby without anyone else.

No, it's not normal. However, you can always do what I do when faced with something I don't agree with, nod and smile - then do whatever you want with the money when it comes time to make your Will. Once someone is dead and their estate distributed it's no longer their money.

It is normal in some circles. Said circles don’t normally leave it to chance though, and will leave their assets in a trust rather than bequeath them outright.

Really? You think a 2nd or 3rd cousin the OP doesn't know should get it rather than her partner or there might be Godchildren, friends or a charity she'd choose to give to

Because it happened on a father's day and tomorrow is father's day. It makes me remember it. I never said I was upset now about it. However after an emotionally abusive childhood I sometimes don't realise if he's a cunt or if some of the things he says are normal.
If he sees a woman wearing a dress that may or may not suit her , he has to say " she's not got the legs for that/ she looks a bugger in that"
Like why? Just leave folk alone.

Hmm.

Do you have good reasons for not wanting to or needing to get married? I am not marrying my partner, but I have very good reasons for this - namely that I want to ensure that my children are my sole beneficiaries. I have obviously said this in my Will, but I don't want there to be any grey areas either. I love my partner, but I will never re-marry because the financial implications are not in my family's favour.

My children are now adults, and I can sort of see why parents get edgy about this kind of thing. Once they marry/live with a partner, I will take legal advice to ensure as far as possible that my wealth stays in our family.

Your partner would need to pay inheritance tax if you aren't married. If you were married there would be no tax due.

If you have a moral obligation to marriage you can have a civil partnership, but it is foolish to have a child out of wedlock. You have no legal status.

Yes, he is a cunt just like my father. He cut me out of his will completely and said I was “irrelevant to the family” because I didn’t have any children.

Inherit, then spend it all. Problem solved.

If the parents want that they can put all the money and property into a trust - but it would need to be a lot to make the fees worthwhile.

Completely off topic - I was looking at the Alhambra range an hour ago, thinking about buying a bracelet. I think your username is a sign I need to go for it!

I’ m sorry your father behaved horribly.

Given that you have a child now, I do think it’s irresponsible of you to have a Will leaving everything to your partner with no provision for your child. Plenty of men have remarried quickly and passed their first wife’s inheritance on to their second wife’s family, totally cutting out children from the original family.