DH moans when I visit DF on Fathers Day

[Bigwildorange]

Just that really, DH has no contact with his Dad and doesn’t see him on Fathers Day. DH always has cards and presents from our children and I cook him a special breakfast. He has always had an issue with us going to see my DF on Fathers Day and says that Fathers Day is never about him. We don’t spend the day there, just a few hours but it always sends DH into a mood. Tomorrow we can’t as the kids are ill (possibly infectious) and I didn’t want to pass anything onto my parents. Told DH that I feel guilty that we won’t be going over and he said the usual “it’s never about him (DH)on Fathers Day. AIBU? It’s normal to see parents on Mother’s Day and Fathers Day etc? I do understand that this day brings up difficult feelings for those who aren’t in contact with their dads etc. DH bares a lot of resentment towards his Dad.

I agree with this. My DH on the other hand...it's far more about his parents. As Mother's Day approaches, lots of parcels arrive, Jo Malone etc, I get all excited and it turns out there for his mother and I get something made by the kids from school...

My dad died recently.

I don't want to go and see DHs dad tomorrow.

I'm hoping he goes another day and gets to spend the day with our DC. X

Tell him fine. You'll leave the kids with him for quality time while you visit your dad for a couple of hours. Sorted.

He needs to unpick his boggles so he's not taking it out on you every year.

This is exactly what I mean! He’s being reasonable!

Agree with both. I think if a mother said her kids were being taken away from her on Mother’s Day to see her MIL, people would say that was rubbish. Or, if a mother posted that her husband was disappearing off for most of the day leaving her alone with the kids most of Mother’s Day, people would say that was rubbish.

yet here the situation is reversed and most people seem to think one of the above options is fine!

i also agree with your DH I’m afraid. It’s not right that he is whining about it but since we had our children I send nice presents to my mum and dad but celebrate the days with our children. I’d be pretty unimpressed if my husband made me breakfast on Mother’s Day, considered that done and dusted, and then the rest of the day was about MIL.

Op didn't say the whole day was about her df, just a few hours. Why can't there be a compromise?

So when your kids are grown, with families of their own. You wouldn't care about seeing them?

There's a big difference between being a parent of little ones and a parent of adult DC, don't you think?

Of course I will care about seeing them! But I will understand that it probably won’t be on Mother’s Day.

Visit your DF OP, my DF died suddenly last year, we always saw our own dads on Father's Day either a visit to each or them to us or a meal out together. This year I will visit his grave, life is too short.

All (good) dad's are important and it's nice to show them they're valued. But a grown human needing a day "all about them". Jeez. I'd say the same about a woman on Mother's Day by the way. What happened to a nice card, maybe a pressie and a nice brekky or lunch. Completely normal to visit your own parent on Fathers/Mothers Day if they're close enough so do so.

Is it a social media thing, needing to show off about how much of a fuss people make of you to feel valued? Crackers.

He’s an absolute tit. Your dad is your dad. It’s Father’s Day. He’s not your father, your dad is. It’s just as much about your dad as it is for your children about him.

For those saying ‘Father’s Day isn’t about him it’s about your own dad’ etc- for your own partner when your kids are small how much do you do? Card and present on their behalf? A meal out? I get it when they’re older but even still an 8 year old can’t organise a nice mothers or Father’s Day (or pay for it) without adult input. I don’t think saying not my problem you’re not my dad can really work?

Sounds as though he needs to grow up.

Perhaps all get together and make it a Fathers' Day - in the plural.

He is being pathetic.

Do you take your DC to visit your MIL on Mother’s Day?