DH moans when I visit DF on Fathers Day

[Bigwildorange]

Just that really, DH has no contact with his Dad and doesn’t see him on Fathers Day. DH always has cards and presents from our children and I cook him a special breakfast. He has always had an issue with us going to see my DF on Fathers Day and says that Fathers Day is never about him. We don’t spend the day there, just a few hours but it always sends DH into a mood. Tomorrow we can’t as the kids are ill (possibly infectious) and I didn’t want to pass anything onto my parents. Told DH that I feel guilty that we won’t be going over and he said the usual “it’s never about him (DH)on Fathers Day. AIBU? It’s normal to see parents on Mother’s Day and Fathers Day etc? I do understand that this day brings up difficult feelings for those who aren’t in contact with their dads etc. DH bares a lot of resentment towards his Dad.

Nah he's right, it's weird and selfish that you can't let your kids have one day focused on their dad and always take them to see your dad instead.

How would you feel if he took your kids and spent “a few hours” with his mother on Mother’s Day, leaving you by yourself?

i think YABU and I would not be happy with this

We are going out for breakfast in the morning for my OH. Then I will go see my dad for an hour. We do the same on Mother's Day but I like breakfast in bed.
I will take the kids with me so OH can chill on his own for a bit and on Mother's Day he takes the kids with him to see MIL so I can chill for a bit. Then when he gets back I go see mine. It sounds confusing but it isn't!
I think its important we celebrate the parents and grandparents 😊

Why does DH need to go and see your dad? I pop over to see my day for an hour or two (without the kids and DH). DH really doesn't mind but if he did I would go for on the Saturday so I think u are being unreasonable.

My kids are over 10years old when they were younger I took them with me!

I think he is being unreasonable. If ypu want to see your dad on father's day then you can. I couldn't be arsed with such a sulky man child

He’s not her Dad!

There nothing insensitive in having a living parent.

@Bigwildorange

Its Fathers Day. It's not DH's Day. You help the kids make a fuss of him in the morning, see your Dad for a few hours after and then have the evening with Grumpy Arse & the kids.

Continue to spend part of Fathers Day with your Dad!! He hadn't stopped being your Dad since you had children.

If Grumpy Arse needs to have a whole day with it being all about him, perhaps he could have his Father's Day on Saturday or another weekend.

Sadly there will be a Fathers Day when you can no longer spend time with your Dad, don't stop doing it before that day.

I miss my Dad so much, I usually go the marina where we used to moor our boat, wander around & have a coffee listening to all the clinking & clanking & thinking about my Dad. Hug your Dad while you can xxx

I don’t think your husband is being unreasonable. He is actually fathering now, not your Dad. Your husband should spend the day doing what he wants to do.
You could spend the day with your husband and kids and then pop over on your own for and hour in the evening.

Fathers day is about parents and children. Why aren’t you leaving the kids at home with him so you can spend the day with your dad?

Can you not go the day before and explain kids want to do something with their dad on the day. I’m pretty sure your dad wouldn’t mind.

Bit tomorrow is about him. You expressing guilt for not seeing your dad today doesn't take that away from him tomorrow. Sounds like he just likes to moan.

Have you asked him precisely what he would like? I don't think you could do much more!

That’s a terrible thing to say!!!

Different families do different things

If he wants a day with the kids and to be about him, could you visit your dad on your own for a couple of hours?

Since my dad died, I find Father’s Day really hard - I might come across as ‘sulky’, but thats grief for you!

But why does she need to take the kids too?

Surely they can stay home with their own dad?

One day, it will all be about him. Your Dad won’t be around forever

I assume when your children are grown he won’t be expecting to see them on Father’s Day?

This.

I lost my dm a few months ago. We used to alternate seeing my dm and dmil on Mother’s Day. It was dmil’s ‘year’ this time around. Dh said that it would be fine if I wanted to give it a miss but I told him not to be ridiculous. If anything, not having my dm has made me more keen to spend time with dpil while we still have them. They came for lunch and we had a lovely day and them being here took my mind off missing dm.

He is being very unfair and a bit of a brat actually. Yanbu.

Why? I think it’s a very good point actually.

I’ve lost both parents, my df many years ago. I’ve never begrudged dh spending time with his dp’s because I understand more than most that you never know when the last opportunity might come. Losing dm suddenly brought that home even more. I’m glad my dh didn’t chuck his teddy out every time I needed or wanted to be there for her.

This attitude is ridiculous.
If a husband left his kids all day on Mother’s Day with a mnetter as it’s her day to be a mother mumsnet would go insane! LTB, so selfish, it’s about you now rtc etc
This is bullshit

Your DH sounds like a spoiled child!

I don't get the whole idea of someone having mothers/fathers day made all about them for the whole day. People have a birthday to celebrate themselves and have a fuss made of them.

Mothers/Fathers day is just an opportunity to show love and appreciation for your parents. Your kids do that for DH with presents and cards and you help by making him a special breakfast. You are allowed to also show love and appreciation for your own father on the day!

Your DH sounds like a proper drip. See your dad.

I don't agree what it's about the younger generation. As I've got older and become a parent myself I now appreciate my parents more and as time goes on you realise they're not going to be here forever. Father's Day/ Mother's Day is about that parent spending it with their child. Luckily my dh understands that so we're killing 2 birds with one stone and I'm taking my dh and my df (and the rest of family) out for dinner tomorrow.

It's not. I do mothers day with my mum and my grandma. My grandma has now died and I am a mum. If my mum dies before me then I will have the day to myself presumably. I don't really want it to myself. But it's how it goes.

Actually, I think if a mother came on and said they wanted to spend the day with her husband/kids, but her husband insisted on taking them to see MIL all day, she'd be told she was well within her rights to insist on seeing her kids on Mothers' Day.