Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

43 and wanting another

66 replies

crazyhead80 · 17/06/2023 15:36

I know I'm being unreasonable for wanting another baby at nearly 43 but I just can't shake this wanting feeling off.

I already have 2 dds, one 5 and the youngest 4. So why do I have this strong urge for another at this age?
My husband said if I really wanted to then he would agree to it.

Someone please talk some sense into me.
I know I can't have another at this age and I feel quite sad about it.

Anyone else feel like this at this age?

OP posts:
Comedycook · 17/06/2023 15:38

You can...you already have two small children so it's not like you're putting your feet up and ready to retire.

Dacadactyl · 17/06/2023 15:53

I wouldn't want another baby at my age (38), but I already have a 16 and 11yo. The gap would be too big and I'm looking forward to my 40s when they'll be grown up.

BUT, if I only had a 5 and 4yo, I don't think it would be mad to have another.

I also believe it to be quite common to get an urge to have a child in your mid 40s, so I don't think you're an anomaly. My mum certainly made no secret of wanting another child in her mid 40s (she was an older mum when she had us tho) but she never did have any more kids.

Original poster
crazyhead80 · 17/06/2023 16:00

Realistically I really don't think I'd be able to cope with another. Dh is away with work most weeks Monday to Friday so I would be the one doing all the night waking plus looking after the other 2 as well alone.
I'm shattered most of the time already with work and these 2 never mind adding another.

If I was in my 30s then I most definitely would.. I think.
Just need to kick this urge away

OP posts:
Deathbyfluffy · 17/06/2023 16:03

It’s biologically programmed, you just need to ignore it if it’s not feasible.
Personally I wouldn’t - it sounds like you already have your hands full, and you’re pushing back the age at which which you’ll be able to enjoy a relaxing middle age and retirement.

Dillydollydingdong · 17/06/2023 16:03

It's perfectly possible to have a baby at 43. So be careful what you wish for!

MoggyMittens23 · 17/06/2023 16:38

What will you get out of a third that you don’t already have? Could you cope with any special needs?

RoachFish · 17/06/2023 16:46

I agree that this is just biological/hormones. I was like too around 40, then overnight I suddenly completely changed my mind. Now I’m 45 and so, so happy I didn’t go for the third child. It’s just your body telling you your window is closing, tricking your brain into finding reasons why it’s a good idea. It seems you logically know this wouldn’t improve your life so don’t do it. It will stretch you too thin and you have two other kids that need you.

Jesscococolake · 17/06/2023 16:56

Laying here 37 weeks pregnant in the heat whilst my toddler is full of beans….
I don’t think I could bare to be pregnant again!!!!!! I’m only late 30s but it’s wiped me out this time.

Original poster
crazyhead80 · 17/06/2023 16:57

Yes that's what I keep telling myself it's just my mind and hormones playing tricks on me because my time is running out. Which actually does sound and feel a little sad, but I am really happy and great full for my girls.

I do miss the newborn and baby stages but also need to remember how tiring they are. Plus they would be even harder with 2 other little ones as well.

No I don't think I would be able to cope with any special needs, that would be another thing to worry about and consider at this age.

OP posts:
DrManhattan · 17/06/2023 16:59

Hormones!

Original poster
crazyhead80 · 17/06/2023 17:00

Jesscococolake · 17/06/2023 16:56

Laying here 37 weeks pregnant in the heat whilst my toddler is full of beans….
I don’t think I could bare to be pregnant again!!!!!! I’m only late 30s but it’s wiped me out this time.

I was late 30s with a nearly 1 year old when I was pregnant with my youngest. I've actually forgotten how hard that was.

I really feel for you in this heat. Luckily mine are both March babies so never had to deal with that. Hope your ok

OP posts:
Original poster
crazyhead80 · 17/06/2023 17:04

DrManhattan · 17/06/2023 16:59

Hormones!

Thank you

OP posts:
Jesscococolake · 17/06/2023 17:08

crazyhead80 · 17/06/2023 17:00

I was late 30s with a nearly 1 year old when I was pregnant with my youngest. I've actually forgotten how hard that was.

I really feel for you in this heat. Luckily mine are both March babies so never had to deal with that. Hope your ok

Show quote history

Ahh thank you for your kind words. I am so desperate for baby to arrive. I’ve been on maternity leave for 2 weeks but it means I am with DS every day which is almost more exhausting than work . But soon a small baby will be here and I will be able to have a small gin! I remember after my last pregnancy I said I could never face being pregnant again- but this time I really mean it !

Newnamenewname109870 · 17/06/2023 17:12

It’s biologically programmed to keep going, especially in your 40s.

Think of all the positives of your current set up. What do you love most about life atm?

Roselilly36 · 17/06/2023 17:21

Absolutely hormones, I am 51 and still feel broody, ignore it OPFlowers

Original poster
crazyhead80 · 17/06/2023 17:23

Newnamenewname109870 · 17/06/2023 17:12

It’s biologically programmed to keep going, especially in your 40s.

Think of all the positives of your current set up. What do you love most about life atm?

What I love most at the moment is going to bed at night where I can relax and be alone and not have to deal with my girls until the morning!
So yeah another baby would not make me any happier!!

OP posts:
Original poster
crazyhead80 · 17/06/2023 17:24

Roselilly36 · 17/06/2023 17:21

Absolutely hormones, I am 51 and still feel broody, ignore it OPFlowers

Thank you. I hope mine passes before then!

OP posts:
Original poster
crazyhead80 · 17/06/2023 17:26

@Jesscococolake hopefully not much longer for you now.
People always say newborn stages are the hardest, but late pregnancy was the hardest for me.
Your little baby will be here soon enough and you can enjoy that LARGE gin!

OP posts:
Wat2do222 · 17/06/2023 17:26

You will just be out of school run age when you hit 50 😏

Pineapplestropical · 17/06/2023 17:28

This is also me at nearly 39, i keep thinking about another child...can't help thinking it's my last chance if i really want to.

Original poster
crazyhead80 · 17/06/2023 17:28

Wat2do222 · 17/06/2023 17:26

You will just be out of school run age when you hit 50 😏

Don't remind me! Bloody 50!!

OP posts:
Original poster
crazyhead80 · 17/06/2023 17:29

Pineapplestropical · 17/06/2023 17:28

This is also me at nearly 39, i keep thinking about another child...can't help thinking it's my last chance if i really want to.

If I was 39 then I think I would've done it. Had my youngest at 39

OP posts:
Lifescary · 17/06/2023 17:43

Control yourself. You have 2 kids and a loving husband. Your body wants another child but you don't.

Original poster
crazyhead80 · 17/06/2023 17:46

Lifescary · 17/06/2023 17:43

Control yourself. You have 2 kids and a loving husband. Your body wants another child but you don't.

I don't even think my body does. It's my head! Thank you

OP posts:
Wat2do222 · 17/06/2023 17:49

@crazyhead80 50 and fabulous! Seriously though, I totally get it. I was told I was peri at 37 and had a massive urge to go again because I knew it would be last chance saloon. Didn't end up having anymore and wouldn't change it personally as I knew it was more to do with the feelings of loss rather than actually broody. It all feels so pressing around your 40s and I am sure there is an element of hormonal disruption there. Whatever you decide it will be ok 💐