43 and wanting another

[crazyhead80]

I know I'm being unreasonable for wanting another baby at nearly 43 but I just can't shake this wanting feeling off.

I already have 2 dds, one 5 and the youngest 4. So why do I have this strong urge for another at this age?
My husband said if I really wanted to then he would agree to it.

Someone please talk some sense into me.
I know I can't have another at this age and I feel quite sad about it.

Anyone else feel like this at this age?

Thanks everyone for your comments.
It's really made me think twice and that all these thoughts are just going to stay where they are

I had a 2nd dc at 42, and for me age hasn't been an issue - I don't find it too tiring at all. But then I just have 2 dc to deal with, I'm a sahm so can focus on the children, and have a lovely DH who is home at 5.30 every night and with us every weekend to share the work. I wouldn't be having a 3rd dc at any age if I was pretty much doing it alone.

I'll be 53 when I stop doing the primary school runs (we're in London so secondary kids make their own way). But it's a 5 min walk so no big deal, and a private school so most mums here will be a similar age by Yr 6.

I am so sorry to read this.

I think it is awful to lose your mum when young and your 20's are still so young.

Your mum was in a "the perfect storm" of menopause and teens, it would have been very hard on you both.

But I'm sure she loved you to bits and would have been absolutely devastated at leaving you, really devastated.

My nightmare is exactly this.

I think you should think of some counselling because although you have nothing at all to forgive yourself for, you may wrongly blame yourself for your totally normal clashes.

Wishing you well.

Thank you @billy1966 for your kind words. Meant a lot to me.

I did it at 42. Although, to be fair, I had always wanted three but dh thought two was more than enough.

Ds1 and ds2 were almost 11 and 9 when dh relented changed his mind and ds3 was born. I don’t regret it. He’s almost 17 and although he has autism, he is amazingly independent, does really well academically, has a part time job after school and does voluntary work on a Saturday. He is, in many ways, a very different character to either of his brothers and brings a completely new dimension to the family. All three are very close and I’ve really enjoyed all the teenaged years.

However, I often think of how lucky we’ve been. When we planned a third and when I was pregnant I thought that I would love any baby “no matter what” and having worked with children with disabilities, naively thought I would cope with whatever I was given, but now, at nearly 60, I would struggle to manage a young adult needing a lot of care.

Only you can decide what the right thing is for you and your family.

I'm pregnant with my second aged 41. I had my first at 39 but if I was in your shoes I wouldn't. I had a great pregnancy with my first but I can't say I'm still not anxious having a baby at this age. If I had two healthy kids I wouldn't risk another or potentially put my own health at risk. I really wanted to give my daughter a sibling but that will be me done and dusted.

I've seen similar questions on here and lots of women wanting another in their early 40s but by the time they are mid forties they are glad they didn't.

I'm 42 my youngest is 4 months!

@Mamai90 that is exactly it! I have no idea what I was thinking when I thought having another one in my 40s was a good idea. When I came out of it, it felt like I had been brainwashed or something. Female hormones are so strong and they really mess with your head in all sorts of ways.

It's true the female hormones are really strong and outrageous.
Some days, like today, I think come on we can do this. Then other days, mostly 70% of them I'm telling myself I'm crazy!!

I have two and definitely had an irrational hope for a 3rd for the last several years. I’m 44 now and the last 6 months i suspect I’m peri menopausal, my energy levels are on the floor and I’ve had one cold after another. I never would’ve been able to handle a 3rd baby.

FFS ignore it! At that (our) age there is absolutely no need or want for another baby!!! 😳

I'm 40 and have a 19 and 16 year old. I couldn't start again, having my own time is bliss.

Also for many of us you hit late 40s and the lovey dovey mummy hormones drain away and you really can’t be arsed any more. That would be quite tough if your child is still young and needy….but coincides quite nicely with teens wanting to do their own thing. I can happily drive teens around and gossip with them but sitting on a church floor singing wheels on the bus would tip me ovef the edge.

Wow these comments are heartbreaking 💔. Nothing wrong with wanting to grow your family at any age. God will decide wen it’s too late

So if someone can't conceive at 42 it's because God decided they'd be a bad older parent so he's not letting it happen? But he'll let actively choose to let a woman who is high in drink and drugs get pregnant? Good to know.

There's no need at any age. There clearly IS a want at our age for many women